Black Wolf Chapter 1 (Part B)

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I was still standing there five minutes later when the living room door opened and mom came out.

“You okay sweetie?” she said.

I looked up at her. “Yeah…I’m fine.”

She looked at the phone, and then looked back at me. “How’s Taemin?”

“He’s alright… he’s moving soon. His dad got a new job in Paris. He’s setting up some kind of theater or something. They’re all moving there in September.” I didn’t know why I was telling her all this. I suppose I was still a bit surprised, a bit confused even. I was just opening my mouth to create noises. “Taemin asked me if I wanted to go to the fair on Saturday with Minho and Jonghyun.”

“Sounds nice,” my mom said.

I shrugged.

She said, “You don’t want to go?”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll do you good.”

I looked at her.

She smiled sadly at me.  “You need to go outside a bit more, Onew-ah. Get some fresh air. You can spend all your time sitting around the house.”

“I don’t spend all my time sitting around the house, sometimes I sit in the garden.”

She shook her head. “I’m serious Jinki. I worry about you.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about.”

“But you never do anything anymore. You don’t go outside, you’re not interested in anything, and you just lie around all day.” She gave me a worried look. “What about all the stuff you used to do?”

“What stuff?”

“Badminton? You used to play badminton every Saturday. And there was that student council group you used to go to, the one at the library. You used to really like that.”

I shrugged again. “I do still like that…I just. I don’t know.”

“Alright” my mom said. “What about your piano? You haven’t touched it in months…it’s just lying there in the living room, collecting dust. You used to practice all the time. You were getting really good…”

“No I wasn’t.”

Mom gave me another long look. “You’d tell me if anything was wrong right?”

“There’s nothing wrong, mom. I’m fine. Really.”

“You’re not worried about anything are you?”

“No.”

“Your SAT’s?”

“No.”

“College?”

“Mom,” I said firmly, “I already told you, I’m not worried about anything, okay? I’m fine. I’m just…a bit tired.”

“Tired? What kind of tired?”

“I don’t know…”

She looked closely at my eyes, studying my pupils.

“No,” I sighed, “I’m not doing drugs.”

She looked back at me again. “I’m only trying to help, Onew.”

“I don’t need help.”

“You shouldn’t be tired and down all the time,” she said, shaking her head. “Not at your age, it’s not right.”

I smiled at her. “It’s probably a phase I’m going through. Hormones or something.”

She tried to smile back, but couldn’t quite manage to. And that hurt me a little. I didn’t like upsetting her.

“It’s okay mom,” I said quietly. “Really, everything’s okay. I’m just feeling a bit funny right now, it’s like I’m between things, you know? Like I’m not sure where I’m going. It’s not a big deal; it’s just a bit…”

“Funny?” Mom suggested.

“Yeah.”

She nodded. “Well, okay. But if it gets any worse…”

“I’ll let you know, honest.”

She raised her eyebrow at me. “Honest honest?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

I didn’t get to sleep that night. I lay on my bed, staring into the moonlit darkness. There were so many thoughts in my head. I could just feel them seeping out of my skull. Sweaty thoughts. Sticky and salty, oozing out of my ears, my eyes, my mouth, my skin.

Thoughts.

Images.

Memories.

The sound of Taemin’s voice: “If you want to stay over, you’re welcome to…no strings attached.”

The pictures in my head: Taemin and I at a party when we were younger locked in a bathroom together…to young to know what we were doing but trying anyway.

“You can’t say no to me.”

I got out of bed then, covered in sweat, and went over to the window. The air was stuffy and thick, the night warm and still. I wasn’t wearing any pj’s or anything. It was too hot. There was no breeze coming in through the window, but I could feel the sweat beginning to cool on my skin.

I shivered.

Hot and cold.

It was early in the morning now. Two? Three? Something like that. The street below me was empty and quiet, but I could hear faint sounds from the main street nearby, the occasional passing cars, late-night clubbers going home, a distant yell, and drunken voices.

The sounds of the night.

I gazed down the street at Key’s house. It was dark, the curtains closed, the lights out. In the pale glow of the streetlight, I could see the alleyway that leads to the back of his house, and I could see all the crap on his front yard- bike frames, boxes, random pieces of wood, garbage bags. I stared at Key’s window, wondering if he was there or not.

Key didn’t always spend the night in his room. Sometimes he would wait until his parents were asleep and creep downstairs, go outside and spend the night in the garden with his dog. It wasn’t a dog really. That thing looked more like a wolf. He kept it in a huge shed in the back of his backyard. If the night was cold, he’d take his ‘dog’ up into the shed with him and they’d huddle together in some blankets. But on a warm night, like tonight, he’d let the ‘dog’ outside of the shed, and they’d both sit in the garden, quiet and content beneath the summer stars.

I wondered if they were there now.

Key and his Black Wolf.

It all started for Key when he was eleven and his parents gave him a puppy for his birthday. It was a scrawny little thing, black all over, with slightly glazed eyes, a tangled tail, and big patches of mangy fur down its back. I thought Key’s dad bought it off someone in a bar or something. Or maybe he just found it…I don’t know. Wherever his dad got it from, Key was pretty surprised to get a puppy for his birthday. Firstly, because he didn’t ask for one and this was the first time he had ever received a present from his parents without asking for it. Secondly, his parents usually forgot his birthday. And lastly, Key had admitted to me, he didn’t even like puppies at the time.

He didn’t let his parents know that though. They wouldn’t have liked it. And Key had learned a long while ago that it wasn’t a good idea to displease his parents, so he had thanked them very much, and smiled awkwardly. He held the puppy and stroked it.

“What are you going to call him?” his mother had asked him.

“Key,” said Key. “I’ll name him Key.”

But he was lying. He wasn’t going to call the puppy Key. He wasn’t going to call it anything. Why? It was a puppy. A puppy with slightly glazed eyes, a matted tail, and big patches of mangy fur down its back. Puppies don’t have names. Especially ones with slightly glazed eyes, a matted tail, and big patches of mangy fur down its back. They didn’t need names. They’re just dumb little animals.

It was probably a year later that Key told me his ‘dog’ had started talking to him. I thought at first he was just kidding, making up one of his crazy stories-He always had odd little stories to tell- but after a while I began to realize he was serious. We were down by the river one time- just us two, hanging out by the bank, looking for rats, skipping stones across the river, the usual stuff- and Key started telling me about his ‘dog’. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he believed. He believed in the words his dog was saying.

“I know it sounds really dumb,” he told me, “and I know he’s not really talking to me, but it’s like I can hear things in my head.”

“Why kind of things?” I asked him.

“I don’t know, words…I guess. But they’re not really words. They’re like…I don’t know…just whispers of the wind.”

“Yeah, but how do you know they’re not coming from your dog?” I said. “I mean, it could just be some weird thing going on in your head.”

“He tells me things.”

I stared at him. “What kind of things?”

Key shrugged and threw a pebble into the river. “Just things… sometimes like a hello or something. Thank you. Things like that.”

“Is that it? Just Hello and Thanks?”

Key gazed thoughtfully across the river, his eyes distant. When he spoke his voice sounded strange. “A fine sky this evening…”

“What?” I said.

“That’s what the Black Wolf said last night. He told me it was a fine evening.”

“A fine sky this evening?”

“Yeah…and green is fresh like water. He said that too. And the other day he said This good wooden house and Straw smell blue sky. He says all kinds of things.”

Key went quiet then, and I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so we just sat there for a while, not doing anything, just staring in silence at the murky brown water of the river.

After a few minutes, Key turned to me. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, hyung, I know it’s kinda weird…but I really like it. It’s like when I get home every day and I go down to the shed in my backyard and I feed Black Wolf and give him fresh water and let him out for a run and clean his cage. It’s like I have this friend that tells me stuff that won’t hurt me. It makes me feel good. You know?”

I shivered again. The sweat on my skin had dried on my skin now and I was beginning to feel good enough to get back into bed. I stayed at the window a bit longer though, thinking about Key, wondering if he was out there… sitting in the darkness, listening to the whispers of the wind.

A fine sky this evening.

This good wooden house.

Straw smell blue sky.

I thought about what Taemin said- about Key not wanting to go to the carnival on Saturday- and I knew he was probably right. I was pretty sure that he’d want to go if it was just me and him, but I didn’t know how he’d feel about meeting up with the others. I didn’t know how I felt about it myself, either. Taemin and Minho? Jonghyun Kim? It just seemed so…I don’t know. Like going back to the past: back to elementary, sitting together at the back of the classroom; in middle school, watching out for each other at the park, hanging out after school, spending our weekends and school vacations together.

We were friends then.

We had connections: Taemin and Minho were twins, Taemin and I pretended we loved each other, Jonghyun looked up to Minho, Minho looked after Taemin…

Connections.

But then was then and now is now. We were different. We were kids. And we aren’t kids anymore. We moved on to high school, turned fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen…and things had gradually changed. You know what I mean. The world gets bigger, things drift apart, and your childhood friends become friends you used to know. I mean you see them at school every day but you can only manage a hello to them. They’re just not what they were anymore.

The world gets bigger.

Not everything changes though.

Key and I have never changed. Our world never got any bigger. We’ve always been friends. We’d been friends before the others; we’d been friends with the others and apart from them. And in many ways, we’ve been friends in spite of the others.

We are friends.

Then and now.

And so the idea of getting together on Saturday…well, it just felt strange. A bit scary too, I guess. A bit pointless, even. But at the same time, it was exciting. Exciting in a strangely scary and pointless way.

I turned away from the window and now was gazing over at a black porcelain wolf that I kept on top of my chest of drawers. It was a sixteenth birthday present from Key. A black porcelain wolf, thankfully not life-sized, resting on all fours. It’s a beautiful thing- glossy and smooth, with shining green eyes and a face that seemed to be smiling. It’s as if the wolf was thinking about something that had happened a while ago, something happy, something that it kept with it.

I don’t usually get emotional about things, but I was really quite touched when Key gave me the wolf. Everyone else gave me regular presents that you’d give on a birthday- Mom and Dad gave me money, a girl I’d gone out with a couple of times had given me a night to remember, and I gotten a few cards and things from friends at school- but this, Key’s wolf…it was a proper present, meaningful. It was serious, given with thought and feeling.

“You don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to,” Key had mumbled awkwardly as he watched me unwrap it. “I know it’s a bit…well…I mean if you don’t like it…”

“Thanks, Key,” I told him, holding the porcelain wolf in my hands. “It’s wonderful. I love it. Thanks.”

He lowered his eyes and smiled then, and the way that made me feel was better than all the best Christmas and birthday presents altogether.

I looked at the wolf now- its porcelain body shimmering in the moonlight. Its green eyes shining.

“What do you think Key?” I said quietly. “Do you want to go to the carnival, take a trip down memory lane? Or should we both just stay here, hiding away in our small worlds?”

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but the porcelain wolf didn’t say anything to me. It just sat there green-eyed and smiling, gazing at nothing. After a while, I began to feel pretty stupid- standing by the window in the middle of the night. Naked and alone, talking to a porcelain dog.

Mom was right. I definitely needed to get out a bit more.

I shook my head and got back to bed.

A/N: Oh my bleeping lord. LOL. That was the longest chapter I’ve written. Ever. Well …I’m going to continue this…so probably not the end of the ‘long chapter’ situation. :/ But that’s okay! For you I will! :D So remember guys, COMMENT. AND THERE WILL BE MORE ONKEY SEXINESS TO COME. And that reminds me, I know I know. It seems like there’s more OnTae action. But that’s how it’s gonna be. OnTae sexiness and Onkey puppy love. Don’t like? I didn’t force you to read it. But. Please give it a chance, kay? Thanks :D

Love and Kissssessss~

>8< Muah.  ONLY FOR THOSE WHO COMMENT.

D:<

LOL.

<333

); This was too long to put into one post.

My children: 
THERE IS NOW A CHAPTER 2. :D
HEREHEREHERE. :D