This and that
Well here I am today, feeling much like the bastard that I am, with a task. What is this task you may ask? (probably not though) It seems something as futile as the squirrels pounding against the fence in order to chase away my cats.
My task is to actually figure out what I want in a relationship. Sure it seems all fine and easy, but reality often deals a slightly different hand. Currently I find myself still in a relationship with a pessimistic and sarcastic person, which is quite the contrary to who I am. The reason why I stay are plenty, but I am also finding reason's why I shouldn't. I have to wonder if the reasons that I am finding are because of my own past, and that I do not want to commit, or commit right now. Alas I do not have that answer. What I do know is that I am unhappy and it is affecting those around me, even the person that I am in a relationship with. She deserves better than what I am right now. As I sat earlier I wondered why I brought such pain into another's life. In those moments I had forgotten all the joy that I had shared, all I could focus on was the pain that I gave...
How will I know? Miracle seekers are always wanting a sign. I ask, where are they? People goto bed crying and wake up the same. We plead for what doesn't come until it darkens our days. Give away everything, I say. Even your mind. Sit down in a fire, wanting to become the ashes. And when we meet with a sword, throw yourself upon it. Fall into the habit of such helpless, mad things. There will we have the sign...
My task is to actually figure out what I want in a relationship. Sure it seems all fine and easy, but reality often deals a slightly different hand. Currently I find myself still in a relationship with a pessimistic and sarcastic person, which is quite the contrary to who I am. The reason why I stay are plenty, but I am also finding reason's why I shouldn't. I have to wonder if the reasons that I am finding are because of my own past, and that I do not want to commit, or commit right now. Alas I do not have that answer. What I do know is that I am unhappy and it is affecting those around me, even the person that I am in a relationship with. She deserves better than what I am right now. As I sat earlier I wondered why I brought such pain into another's life. In those moments I had forgotten all the joy that I had shared, all I could focus on was the pain that I gave...
How will I know? Miracle seekers are always wanting a sign. I ask, where are they? People goto bed crying and wake up the same. We plead for what doesn't come until it darkens our days. Give away everything, I say. Even your mind. Sit down in a fire, wanting to become the ashes. And when we meet with a sword, throw yourself upon it. Fall into the habit of such helpless, mad things. There will we have the sign...