A hazy phase of reality
I don't know how long this will be
Love this weather! I have been waiting a long time for the cool air of autumn.
Interesting, my neck is a tad sore again, must be the way I am sleeping that is throwing it out, that or stress. Funny really watching my mind and its tricks. Sometimes I fall prey and work myself up over things that I cannot do anything about. For example, there is a new person within my department (been here about 2 months) and she makes a hell of a lot more money that I do and does so much less than I do. She gets away with things that other people in the department are not able to. Initially, that doesn't seem fair, that there are those of us in the department that work hard, and she doesn't pull her weight. Then I think about the people in Customer Service, some of whom I knew when I worked at the bowling alley who are 10 and 12 years my junior, who are making a lot more money than I am and have been hear a lot less time. The list goes on and on...
Yet these are all things that I cannot control. What makes it more funny is that I know why I am upset at this. To be honest, I know that I am not in the job field that I want to be, but rather have settled. Sure the pay isn't as good as others, but it isn't as bad as what is out there. Rather it has afforded me to purchase a house and make the payments, on top of at one time or another, supporting another person in my life. My frustration comes with me knowing that my talents are better utilized elsewhere, and I have not pursued my own dreams. Constant reminders are placed before me every day pushing and prodding me. What do I do? Nothing... My anger and frustration with others is just an attempt to take the pressure off of myself, justifying self destructive behaviors. Now that I have recognized this pattern I wonder what new tricks will be thrown my way.
On a side note, I just found out that heart disease runs in my Mothers side of the family. Good thing, it seems to skip the females. Bad news, I am not female. My Grandfather passed away in his late 60's and I just found out that my only Uncle just came out of the hospital not that long ago due to heart problems. His lifestyle has completely changed within the last 3 months, his age 62. So, I guess theoretically I have lived about half of my life so far without said problems. This is all the more reason to keep better care of myself, having indulged in various sins in my earlier life.
Well today looks like it will be a good day, at least the best day that I can make it. To hose of you who read this, Make it a good one.
Metta.
Love this weather! I have been waiting a long time for the cool air of autumn.
Interesting, my neck is a tad sore again, must be the way I am sleeping that is throwing it out, that or stress. Funny really watching my mind and its tricks. Sometimes I fall prey and work myself up over things that I cannot do anything about. For example, there is a new person within my department (been here about 2 months) and she makes a hell of a lot more money that I do and does so much less than I do. She gets away with things that other people in the department are not able to. Initially, that doesn't seem fair, that there are those of us in the department that work hard, and she doesn't pull her weight. Then I think about the people in Customer Service, some of whom I knew when I worked at the bowling alley who are 10 and 12 years my junior, who are making a lot more money than I am and have been hear a lot less time. The list goes on and on...
Yet these are all things that I cannot control. What makes it more funny is that I know why I am upset at this. To be honest, I know that I am not in the job field that I want to be, but rather have settled. Sure the pay isn't as good as others, but it isn't as bad as what is out there. Rather it has afforded me to purchase a house and make the payments, on top of at one time or another, supporting another person in my life. My frustration comes with me knowing that my talents are better utilized elsewhere, and I have not pursued my own dreams. Constant reminders are placed before me every day pushing and prodding me. What do I do? Nothing... My anger and frustration with others is just an attempt to take the pressure off of myself, justifying self destructive behaviors. Now that I have recognized this pattern I wonder what new tricks will be thrown my way.
On a side note, I just found out that heart disease runs in my Mothers side of the family. Good thing, it seems to skip the females. Bad news, I am not female. My Grandfather passed away in his late 60's and I just found out that my only Uncle just came out of the hospital not that long ago due to heart problems. His lifestyle has completely changed within the last 3 months, his age 62. So, I guess theoretically I have lived about half of my life so far without said problems. This is all the more reason to keep better care of myself, having indulged in various sins in my earlier life.
Well today looks like it will be a good day, at least the best day that I can make it. To hose of you who read this, Make it a good one.
Metta.