Peace Protests and Game Shows

Nov 01, 2006 21:28

Please God let the endless span of unemployment be drawing to a close. Actually, right after my last post I got signed up with an extra casting group. Like for tv and movies. Please don't laugh. It's not that moving to LA has instilled me with any entertainment industry dreams whatsoever; it's just that I'm broke and they take anyone. Sadly I haven't gotten to do anything exciting yet - despite the promises of being a patient on ER or a nurse on Grey's Anatomy I've just done a game show, and tomorrow I get to be on an Oxygen channel hair talk show. Actually it's not bad. I can think of harder ways to earn money then sit and applaud enthusiastically as people try to entertain you. Plus I keep a book under my skirt so I can whip it out and read during commercial breaks. Anyway it's only temporary, because if I'm very lucky I might have real employment soon.

I had an interview today, which will hopefully lead to a second round interview in a couple of days, and have two more on Friday. So that's looking up. Today I interviewed to be a punk/indy/rock administrative assistant. Basically it's this school of rock summer program kind of company started by punkers and they need office help - the work is not my favorite but the office is very casual (I can wear anything), good music will be played all the time, and it's a really good program. We'll see, I had to take an administrative test (composing emails and sales letters, accounting and arithmetic, and my amazing ability to open up a word document and save it onto the desktop under my name) and I'm not sure how stellar my writing was. Especially since the sales letter was for Microsoft Outlook, which I never use, so describing the features was sort of hazy for me.

Friday morning I have a second round interview at the only all-women's homeless shelter in skid row. The first round interview was 45 minutes and I nailed it, plus they then had me sent in pages of writing samples. But they also had two solid weeks of first round interviews, so I'm quite pleased to make it this far. The downsides are: a) Although I'd be working in the shelter I'd be up in office doing admin stuff and wouldn't get to work with people directly b)The pay sucks c)My hours would be totally different than Sam's and we'd never see each other and d)It's in skid row, and while the threat of violence doesn’t scare me (I feel safe in my neighborhood despite the ghetto birds above every night, the occasional sounds of gunfire, and the fact that when I interviewed for a job in Compton I was asked, "Pico Union? Is it safe up there?") but there's a plague of fierce and hideous staph infections going around there that really does scare me.

And then that afternoon I finally interview at Sam's work, something I've been trying to do for weeks (they suck at returning phone calls). Actually, just calling them wasn't enough, finally Sam suggested they hire me, and now (many more phone calls later) I have an interview. Because nepotism is the apparently the way to break into the world of group homes. I visited there last Friday night to pick Sam up and it was so strange. You see, he is completely beloved there, like fiercely, fiercely loved by those girls. He's probably the only nice man ever in many of their lives. And they've all heard about me a lot over the past couple of months. Since they love Sam, and I make Sam happy, they therefore love me. So I was mobbed, girls threw themselves into my arms for hugs, they fawned, they made smoochie sounds, they made sure we had privacy and then they ran after to us when we tried to leave. I really think I'd like working there. I know it will be tough work. I know these same girls that adored me can, and sometimes will, turn violent and abusive. I know it will be depressing to see and hear about the unbelievably shitty things they have gone through in their lives. But I think I can help them. People are always telling me I'm nurturing and empathetic. And it would kick ass to work with Sam - to not have to drive to work, to have similar hours, to get to see each other more.

The inevitably has finally happened - I ran out of money. I just didn't realize it would take this long to get a job. Sam offered to loan me money, and I had to accept, but it felt strange. I know it shouldn't - he can afford it and doesn't mind, I'll pay him back, and eventually we're going to get married and have a joint bank account so it's not the hugest deal, but it's always frustrating to not be able to make it yourself.

For Halloween Sam and I dressed in matching fairy outfits - tutus, black bustiers and wings. He attracted a great deal more attention, probably due to his Mohawk, sleeve tattoos, cross-dressing, boobies (made from my Spiderman socks), and that with his height and huge wings combined he was over seven feet tall. On Saturday night he played three gigs, two of them at this private costume party at a practice studio. I appreciated his straight edge-ness all the more when, afterwards grabbing my purse from the tiny room being used as a backstage/smoking lounge, I stumbled on many of the musicians and a bunch of groupies getting really excited about doing blow. LA is strange. Actually, when I had gone there before it was empty save for a huge fan, and I had sent my exhausted, sweaty boyfriend in there, just telling me he'd thank me when he got there. But then all he found was a room packed with drugs and groupies, so that was confusing until I fished him out of there, quietly standing in the corner drinking a soda.

On Halloween proper I was hoping to take it easy, as I was bleeding and felt like my lifeforce was draining out from between my legs. But a boat friend (also named Sam) called and so we became shore support, picking her up and taking her around West Hollywood. Many crazy people in crazy costumes. Sam's wasn't that impressively put together (it was the same from Saturday) but he kept getting more responses than most people. Apparently a huge guy with tits and wings is a big deal over there, who knew? My favorite is a guy who just screamed, "Oh my God, oh my God, I'm coming! I'm coooming!!!"

This last week was hard. Always before my philosophy was to be as generous as possible, but to never give so much you feel resentful. Well, I gave up a life and I, at times, feel very resentful. Which isn't to say I want to leave. Sam assured me he's open to a long distance relationship if that's what will make me happy, but I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, so it seems maybe we should live together and get to know each other right after meeting. But still, it's this huge inequality - he has a life, I have him. This will get solved slowly and with time as I start developing my own life here, something I very much want to do, but it's a process. Some 70's feminist theorist whose name I'm forgetting but could look up said that men and women's relationships would always be fucked (I'm paraphrasing) because women were dependent on men financially, since men make more and often are the breadwinners (I think she was more commentating on the 50's and such), while men were dependent on their women emotionally, since women tend to feel more comfortable being emotionally intimate with their friends, while men put all their close emotional vulnerability into their relationship. At times I feel both financially and emotionally dependent on Sam, and I want neither. This last week when it seemed I would never get a job (not to jinx myself since all I have are interviews right now) and he kept having band practices for his gig that would get him home after 1:00pm, well it was bad. Wednesday and Thursday we didn't see each other all day and then we'd fight in the dark late at night. I have learned that having a REAL relationship leads to having REAL relationship discussions and arguments. I don't want to feel like I have to choose between life and love, because that's a shitty choice to have to make. Again, the more I can find a life here thee more this will get resolved. I talked with my mom about it, and she was so understanding. Remember she really didn't want me to move in so quickly, and warned me he sounded too busy to be in a relationship, but when I called her she was just so understanding and objective. She was also firmly on his side on the late practice thing - as a fellow musician in a band she informed me it was completely unreasonable of me to ask Sam to put a time limit on his rehearsals, they just have to happen as they happen.

But I'm going to find a creative writing class or a Spanish language class or something, and learn and grow and compromise. And we reached a good LA compromise - when we're together he always drives. It makes my life here so much easier, and it's a compromise he's making, since I made such a big one.

And the weekend was really good. On Friday I went up to my old spa to get my hair cut. It was so reassuringly mostly the same. Still beautiful and happy and full of people I loved working with and my friend is one of the top hair designers ever and I still get my old discount. So now instead of having long, damaged beyond belief hair I have short healthy hair that falls cutely in ringlets. I have to say, I like it. I visited my parents, where they continued to be understanding and supportive of my life choices. Then I picked up Sam as mentioned above and we saw the US vs. John Lennon. Highly, highly recommend it. I had no idea how awesome he was and how threatened by our government. I also recommend The Prestige and Jesus Camp. Both very scary movies in different ways.

Anyway, Saturday I hung out with this guy Josh who Sam went to Burning Man with. He’s a Trotskyist, a labor activist, and very knowledgeable of the green scene in LA. He too met a woman from the Bay Area at Burning Man, and although they didn’t move in together on the second date they’ve been visiting. So the three of us and two other labor activists (they work undercover in hotels to start unions there) joined up and went down to Hollywood for a peace protest. We took the subway, making me realize I live quiet close to a subway stop, although I’m not sure how comfortable I’d be walking there alone at night. And we marched in the streets and yelled and got lots of literature and I bought this green guide to LA which is just so happy making (I’m trying to use the word awesome less) and I thought maybe LA’s okay. Maybe there’s a community of okay people here.

And the next day was both Josh’s and Trotsky’s birthdays, so we celebrated in Griffith Park, where I’ve never been. And hey! There’s this huge, beautiful chunk of nature right smack in the middle of my dirty adoptive city. And we happened to have tons of percussion instruments in our car so we brought them up, and we hung out and jammed, and someone played saxophone and Josh played guitar and improvised songs of revolution and goofiness. And I was happy. And Sam and I finally got to drum together (we still haven’t stopped wallowing enough to go over to his studio and have him teach me). Then he performed that night with another band and I got to see one of the cooler people I’ve met down here. Monday was spent with an old co-op friend down for the weekend and then wondering around together.

So that’s where I’m at. Had some hard times but things are looking up. I will get a job (please god), I will continue to eke out a life here, and I will continue to be very much in love with an amazing person that I’m yet to get over my luck with getting matched with, and I will stop subconsciously analyzing my relationship and my motives through the veil of gender politics, because that’s getting old. I keep having to remind myself that we very intentionally set up a gender-free relationship. Therefore if he is working and I’m not and therefore have more time to wash the dishes, which I’m the one making dirty, that doesn’t make me a housewife.
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