10
Dear Hannah,
Today is your tenth birthday, and as you pass into double digits, I need to take a minute to capture you in this moment. Although I insist on still calling you Peanut, you are anything but a peanut anymore.
Yesterday was class picture day at your dance studio and you nearly had your picture taken with only one ballet shoe, because somehow you managed to pack only one to bring with you. That so perfectly captures you at this age - together enough to remember to grab your dance gear, but scattered enough to not make sure you have both shoes that I am a little sad your teacher managed to scavenge a shoe for you to wear.
You just came home from your Model UN trip, we spent the three weeks before arguing about whether you could buy heels for your trip. You, of course, insisted that you were old enough, while I refused to believe it. A smart friend suggested that you might be ready for a pair for special occasions and for practicing in at home, and she was totally right. The look on your face when you unwrapped the box tonight was just what I was hoping for, and nothing compared to the look on your dad's face as he watched you put them on.
I love how interested you are in everything around you. You complain that the news is "boring", but read your way right through adult books, even when the topic seems like it should be far over your head. You are sure you know just how to solve all the world's problems, and I need to learn to remember not to ruin your hope with reality, at least not all the time. The reality of the life of a tween girl is enough reality for the both of us anyway.
This has been the longest and the quickest decade of my life, and the only things I would change are the moments I've not managed to be the mom I want to be for you. I had NO IDEA what I was getting into the day you arrived, and most of the time, I'm still never sure I'm making the right calls. But I see you growing into an amazing young woman, and hope its because we're getting it right more often than we don't.
I asked you this evening how it felt to be 10, and you very seriously told me that it did feel different yet, but that was because the fairy of ten would take 24 hours to find you and work her magic before you felt different. You were very confident that she would arrive right on time tomorrow at 9:44. I hope she doesn't disappoint.