A Secret Kind of Love... REPOST
New note: This is NOT a new story. You’ve probably already read it. It was part of a challenge from a couple of years ago and never got posted in my LJ. I plan to do one of those fic sticky’s soon, with links to all my stories, which is why I’m posting this here now.
(Old) A/N: Apparently I have a thing about high school Jack Twist as a preacher’s son. Not sure what’s up with that. This story isn’t related to any of my other stories where Jack is a preacher’s son. It’s its own thing. And the BJ is about as prominent in this story as the chocolate was in the chocolate story. So be forewarned: lots of words (5100), only a little blow.
A Secret Kind of Love
I’m in love with Jack Twist.
He doesn’t know it, of course. Like, how in the hell could I possibly ever let him know that? He’s the nicest guy in school; I don’t think he even has sex with girls, so I can just imagine what he’d say if he knew what I wanted to do with him. I bet he’d blush like crazy. Hell… he’d probably freak out and never speak to me again. His daddy’s a preacher, after all, so I imagine he thinks all that stuff is a sin. I don’t think so. I think killing people’s a sin, and hating on folks ‘cause they’re different, and doing things that hurt people for no reason… those are the kinda things that I think are sinful. Sex with someone you love shouldn’t never be a sin, no matter if it’s a boy or a girl.
Last Sunday’s sermon was about how the God-fearing Christians should all unite and take a stand against gay marriage ‘cause it’s an abomination. I was sitting just a few feet down the pew from Jack and right in the middle of his dad’s big freak out against gay shit, I dropped my bulletin on purpose. When I leaned down to get it, I took a quick look at his face, to see if maybe I could tell what he was thinking, but I couldn’t. He had this real peaceful, almost angelic, expression on his face, like he was totally fascinated by what his dad was saying, but I’ve seen that same look on his face in history class too, and he hates that class with a passion, so who knows.
School’s almost over now, and we’ll be going away to college this fall and I’ll probably never see him again. It’s looking like I’ll never get another chance to find out what he thinks about anything important, and even worse - I’ll never get to find out what it’d be like to kiss those lips of his or touch his body, something I’ve always wanted to do since last summer when we shared a room down in Louisiana and he made me fall in love.
*****
I’m in love with Ennis del Mar.
Nobody knows. Oh my God… my dad would have a shit fit that would never stop if he knew. He thinks being queer is just one step above being a child molester. He talks about it all the time, even at home when he isn’t even doing church stuff. If anything comes on the tv about it, he starts going off about how all the homosexuals are going to hell if they don’t repent and get right with God and start fucking women. Ok, he doesn’t really say “fucking women,” of course. He says, “Put their unnatural desires behind them and pursue normal relations.”
Whatever. He’s insane, I’m pretty sure, at least about that particular topic. It makes me wonder if maybe he’s hiding something, if maybe he has a few secret unnatural desires of his own that he’s trying to stamp out. You know what they say about protesting too much and all that. He never dates. My mom died six years ago and I’m pretty sure he’s never even touched a woman since then. I guess he does it himself, which is totally disgusting to think about, but he’s only forty-three. I know guys still have sex when they’re forty-three. Look at all the old guys out in Hollywood having babies when they’re in their sixties and seventies. So surely guys in their forties still want to have sex.
I hope so. I haven’t even had sex yet and I’m already eighteen. It would suck to only get to have it - or at least want it and like it - for fifteen or twenty years. It seems like I’ve been waiting a hundred years for it. I wanna do it till I’m too old and gross for anybody to wanna do it with me anymore. Then I guess I’ll go back to doing it by myself, which is what I do now and which I’m getting really sick of, especially since I’ve got a major boner for Ennis.
That started last summer when a group of us went down to south Louisiana to build houses. We were there for three weeks and me and Ennis were roommates. His family had just moved here from Atlanta and I didn’t know him that well, so the first week, it was real casual and basic. By the second week, we’d figured out we had some stuff in common, and sometimes we’d stay up after lights out, just talking.
The third week, I realized I didn’t want to go hang out with any of the other kids, not even my two best friends who were also there and sharing a room down the hall. I just wanted to stay in our room as much as possible and talk and play cards and watch tv. And look at Ennis. That became my favorite pastime that last week we were there. Ennis always got up first and took his shower; I hate getting up early and so he always let me sleep till he was done, then woke me up so I could hurry and get ready to go.
That last week, no matter how dead asleep I was, I always woke up when his alarm went off, and was awake when he came out of the bathroom to get dressed. Every morning I watched him standing at the end of my bed naked, drying the last of the water drops off his body before he got his underwear out of the drawer and pulled it on. He’s tall and kinda thin, but he’s real toned and strong looking, and after working all that time in shorts and no shirt, he had a real good tan everywhere but his butt and upper thighs. I was totally fascinated with that pale skin, and there was nothing I wanted more than to touch it and taste him there. Some days I could see his dick, and even though it wasn’t huge or hard, it still turned me on like crazy. Just seeing it there in the dimness of the early morning, in our dorm room - our room - with no one else around… it just seemed like it would be the most natural thing in the world for him to come climb into bed with me and for us to make love.
He never did anything like that though, of course. He’d always pull on his jeans, then come wake me up. I’d pretend like I was asleep, let him jostle me and say, “Jack… Jack… gotta get up and get ready. It’s almost time to go.” Finally I’d yawn and stretch and mumble “Ok,” then wait for him to move away before I got up and hurried into the bathroom, hoping he wouldn’t notice how hard I was. I jacked off every morning of that last week, and most nights too. My dick was sore as shit by the time we came home.
Life went back to normal after we got home, which meant I only saw Ennis on Sunday’s till school started back, and then he was hanging out with his friends and I was hanging out with mine. We see each other all the time during school, and he always smiles at me real friendly, but he hangs out with the rough crowd, and I’m beta club/debate club, etc, which means we might as well be in different time zones. I’ve never been in a fight or raced my car or even smoked a cigarette. I know he probably thinks I’m the most boring guy in school.
I’m pretty sure I’m the only virgin guy left in my class too, which really sucks, but with my dad being a Baptist preacher at the biggest church in town, I really don’t have much choice. A couple of years ago, I felt like it was a big curse, being the preacher’s son, but now I kinda think of it as a blessing, because no one gives me hell for not getting laid because they understand how it is for me. They only understand part of it, but that’s gotten me through this last year, and it’ll be enough to get me off the hook on prom night, which is all I care about. I’m going with Marley Jenkins, whose dad is a deacon in our church. We’re just friends. I think she might want it to be more, but I’m just going to pretend like I don’t notice if she tries anything. She’s real sweet and shy, so I don’t think she’ll grab my dick or anything like that. That’d be real hard to ignore, so I’m really hoping nothing like that happens.
Last I heard, Ennis didn’t have a date. I’d like to think that means something, but his crowd goes stag to things all the time so they can hit on lots of different girls. I never see him with a girl though, so maybe, you know… There’s a party after the dance and some of the guys are talking about sneaking in booze so the girls will get drunk and put out more. If my dad finds out, he’ll freak, but fuck it - I’m going anyway. It’s my senior year, I’m graduating in a month, and I’ve already got college all worked out. There’s not a whole lot he can do to me now. I’ve lived eighteen years for him. It’s about time I got to start living for me.
******
The dance was okay, nothing great. Ennis didn’t take a girl, and when girls asked him to dance he just shook his head and said he wasn’t into that. He’d never told anyone why he didn’t date, but although he kept his secret, he still refused to date and live a lie. It was a compromise he could deal with until he went off to college, at which point he wasn’t going to pretend anymore. He’d already found out that his school had an active BGLT community and he planned to look them up right away. He felt bad for being glad that it was at the opposite end of the state, but he was. He wanted to keep it from his folks for a while, wanted a chance to try things out for himself first before he stepped off into it with no way back out. He knew there was a good chance the welcome mat would get pulled off the front door step permanently once this news got out, so he wanted to make damn sure of what he was doing before he let the cat out of the bag.
The boner that fired up in his jeans when Jack walked in wearing a tux should’ve been enough to make him sure, but until he actually got skin to skin with another guy, there was always that chance he was just dreaming. He wanted - needed - to be sure.
******
Jack finished his second cup of spiked punch. He was going slow. It was two in the morning and most of the other kids had had several cups by then, but he didn’t want to get stupid and pass out or throw up. He just wanted to get brave, and two cups was enough for that. He left Marley making out on the sofa with his best friend Cody, who’d had a crush on her for months but didn’t have the nerve to ask her out. They looked happy. Jack wanted to be happy too, and he knew just who could make him feel that way. He headed for the basement, where there was loud music, a pool table and a cooler full of beer, and where he was pretty sure Ennis and his friends were camped out.
There was a girl talking to Ennis when he got there, but Ennis looked up and smiled at him as soon as he entered the room, which made Jack feel good, like maybe he’d been watching for him. At the very least, it looked like he was glad to see him. Jack got a beer from the cooler, hoped to God it wouldn’t push him over the edge and make him hurl, then started making his way towards Ennis. Ennis gave the girl his cue stick and pointed at the pool table. She looked confused, but was obviously drunk enough to go along with it.
“Hey. What’s up?” Ennis said as they closed the gap and got close enough to talk. “Where’s Marley?”
“She’s with Cody.” Jack popped the top on his beer and took a sip. It was cold, but it tasted like liquid wheat, ugh, and he passed it to Ennis, who took it with a confused grin.
“What’s she doing with him?” He took a sip of the beer, and Jack got a tingle just watching him put his mouth where his had just been. He had a nice mouth with a sweet smile that Jack had grown to crave.
“Making out.”
Ennis coughed and sputtered. “You looking for someone to help you kick his ass?”
“No man, I don’t care. I knew he liked her when I asked her. I was kinda hoping this would happen.”
“For real?” Ennis seemed to be having a hard time grasping the concept.
“Yeah. For real. She and I are just friends,” Jack said pointedly, then took the beer back and had another sip, just to make sure he really didn’t like it. Guys were supposed to like beer, and he wanted to, but his stomach just wasn’t up for it after the punch. Maybe it would be different the next time around. He gave the beer back and Ennis took it.
“So what’re you gonna do now?” Ennis asked, obviously still totally confused about the protocol of the situation.
“Anything I want to. My dad knows I’m not coming home till morning.” He met Ennis’s eyes in what he hoped was a bold and telling way, trying to signal with his own eyes what he wanted. He’d always heard that the eyes were the window to the soul, and everyone said he had very expressive eyes, and since there was no way he could say what he wanted, he hoped this would be enough.
“Oh.” Ennis took another drink of the beer and then a couple of steps closer, till they were almost touching. “You wanna get outta here for a while? Maybe go for a ride?”
Jack smiled and nodded. So far, so good.
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