Feels like I should, but I don't and I can't
I've been wanting to update, but am going through one of those phases where I have things to say but they all seem to be locked up and lacking words. Everyone around me seems to be having a hard time with things. My sister is struggling with stuff. I'm struggling with stuff. Bemo's trip to the lawyer yesterday was not very promising - if we do get his disability through, it won't be for something like a year. In the meantime, he's fretting about his medication (which is being changed out right now) bringing him up to the level where he wouldn't be considered disabled but would still be unable to work. We're both feeling a little scared right now, especially since we're doing our best to commit to paying our student loans back but are not entirely sure if we'll be able to. Hopefully my job at crunchy organic granola coop will help.
Didn't go to aikido this week. Am feeling a little conflicted about it, because it involves various things such as my own desire to go, money (should I skip this month so I don't have to pay for it), general fatigue, Bemo's mental state, and a sort of underlying general crankiness that will probably dissipate once I start going again.
Am trying to get over my knee-jerk fatalism, which doesn't manifest itself in my day-to-day life much (charge ahead, we'll make it work somehow!), but is always lurking like a black spider in the crevices of my brain.
Here, have another nostalgia-laden photo of little me. I wish I could find now some of the peace I see in the face of myself as a kid...but I know that it's all an illusion anyway. Doesn't stop me from pursuing it, though.
Didn't go to aikido this week. Am feeling a little conflicted about it, because it involves various things such as my own desire to go, money (should I skip this month so I don't have to pay for it), general fatigue, Bemo's mental state, and a sort of underlying general crankiness that will probably dissipate once I start going again.
Am trying to get over my knee-jerk fatalism, which doesn't manifest itself in my day-to-day life much (charge ahead, we'll make it work somehow!), but is always lurking like a black spider in the crevices of my brain.
Here, have another nostalgia-laden photo of little me. I wish I could find now some of the peace I see in the face of myself as a kid...but I know that it's all an illusion anyway. Doesn't stop me from pursuing it, though.