No End
I went to Lana's today to go pick up stuff for Family support for our national Guard unit. I thought i could walk in there happy and up beat and be fine....but when i got there. I was greated with a big hug at the door by her mother and her brothers..and thats about it. Nothing could prepare me for the emotional blow i'd take today. She was there with her new boyfriend and she kept calling him pet names and all kinds of stuff. It hurt so bad, i couldn't even look her in the face. I stared at the ground the whole time I talk to her. I still feel so lost...thing is I had dreams the last two nights that she came by and was trying to get back with me...it gave me hope...and now hope is lost. Its all i can think about right now. Thing is I don't need her back...i just need someone...anyone to show me some attention and affection, I'm not a tough guy anymore...I need to have someone to hold to care for me...Maybe if i go to bed i'll wake up from this nightmare...