Fucking Wonderful
So.. yeah, Lana and I have been falling apart for over 2 months now. I feel that its just about over. Things were peachy for a while, everything seemed to go back to the way it was. Most of it was my fault and somethings were hers. I can't help but feel that the most recent events are hers. It was funny cause i thought we were back together cause we were acting that way for a while, and then suddenly I make a joke about a guy friend of hers being her new boyfriend and she says "I don't have one." I was a little confused and I questioned her, seemed this whole time i was considered just that guy she "Loves." I Question her love now, mostly cause its been 3 days since i have seen her, I have been sicker than I have been in years, and yet somehow she finds time for everyone but me. She went and hung out with Lance, Shawn and Brittany. Then tonight she said she would come see me after she was done talking to Brittany and she just decides to go Bowling with her instead. I'm told she will come tomorrow. That I believe so strongly, I have little hope for her. I'm at my end, I molded my entire life around her. A mistake that has so far cost me dearly. I lost friends, and just about everything to her. She has been the greatest thing in my life, and now the worst. Its the worst feeling ever to be cast aside by a person you love. I can see in ways how I deserve it, I'm sure there are friends out there that were hurt by me. So what am I to do, I now sit alone. My world collapsed around me. Someone has an answer, and i just want to hear it. I just wish that this didn't hurt that much. I want to give up on it, but as I have been told 3 years is to much to throw away. What am I supposed to do, I feel cast out. I don't go to church anymore for i feel the church is corrupt, to be honest I don't even pray. Maybe its deserved, I ignored everyone even God and here I am ignored by all. Must really suck, I'm sorry all I didn't try hard enough...