(no subject)
Title: You Kept Talking About The End of the World
Fandom: RPS; MLB; Memphis Redbirds (AAA) (2007)
Pairing: Brendan Ryan/Joe Mather
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content and swearing
Disclaimer: Not true. Not meant to harm. No $ made.
A/N: Set slightly before Ryan's call-up from AAA Memphis last year. This was written for sslyricwheel with Blur's "Tender" in mind. Though, I must warn you, it's a rather loose interpretation of the challenge 0:)
x-posted to sslyricwheel, baseball_slash, theboysofsummer, and sports_slash
The first time Brendan met Joe, he asked him about the end of the world. The June sun beat down on Memphis like a vengeance. The ground felt like it was baking beneath their feet, a palpable inferno. Joe was shy, awkwardly brilliant, avoiding Brendan's eyes with an expertise that came from a lifetime of denying things and remaining inconspicuous.
"Well, I don't know," Joe said, speaking to the infield as he edged away from Brendan inch by inch. "I guess... I guess maybe I'd like to spend it with you." He turned his head quickly and his face fell a little when he saw that Brendan's face hadn't changed.
"Yeah, that'd be nice." Like it was a date. Joe pointed in a general direction opposite of where he stood with Brendan. Brendan let the smile he suppressed free as he watched the back of Joe's jersey bob away, sun glinting off the numbers like they were made of steel.
*
"Joe, please."
Joe signed heavily, feigning resign as he closed the hotel door that protected them from the outside world. "I just wanted to watch."
"Why?"
Joe shrugged, returning to his place on the edge of the bed. His shoulders were tense, his back straight and tight, resembling a live wire just before it starts to spark. Brendan, hesitantly, though with authority that came from a lifetime of by-the-hour hotel room weekends and backroom courage, approached Joe. Joe sat up straighter, steeling his jaw and closing his eyes, gulping down his rising fear and paranoia. Brendan's hands were gentle, but with the strength earned from relying on them for a living as he began to massage Joe's shoulders. His shoulders were so tight, it hurt until he leaned into it a little and let Brendan actually touch him instead of shying away. When his fingers moved up to his scalp, he was practically hypnotized.
"Brendan," he said, his lips parted and his breath catching. His voice was low, barely a whisper. "Kiss me."
Brendan pressed his lips to Joe's before he could properly turn himself around, catching him in an awkward half-hug half-kiss while he had only a knee on the bed. Brendan pulled back and let him settle himself again, silently scolding himself his impatience. Joe couldn't look at him. Brendan leaned in again and nabbed Joe's bottom lip between his, sucking gently while his tongue, as systematically energetic as the rest of him, glided slowly. When their mouths met properly for the first time, Joe was surprised by the quiet insistence of kissing a man, the warped power struggle that felt humiliating despite Brendan's best efforts to give him some dignity.
His hands fumbled with Brendan's belt as his head reeled like the first time he had gotten his two-wheeler going without his dad holding the handlebars, the first time a home run had cracked off his wooden bat, the first time he'd dove for a ball in the outfield and pulled it out of his glove to cheers, the first bold decision he had made all night. Brendan helped him out by unbuttoning his pants and guiding him passed the waistband of his boxer briefs. His grip was too loose and his pace either bordering on the teenage girl side of sloppy or NASCAR fast, but Brendan didn't seem to mind.
When he lifted his hand up, he finished stripping. Joe tried not to blush, but he felt his cheeks growing hot as he silently kicked himself. Brendan stood in front of him, his erection bouncing like an ominous reminder of what he was doing in a hotel room in the part of Memphis his mother warned him away from. He pulled off Joe's shirt and helped him out of his pants. Joe tried hard not to think of the implications that went along with that wry smirk. And when Brendan's lips, larger, firmer and more skilled than those of his female peers, wrapped around him, it didn't matter what he was thinking about; his thoughts stopped immediately like someone had pressed delete on his mental keyboard.
Brendan got him hard enough that he would do anything to get off and then stopped. Joe silently cursed and praised him simultaneously for his expert timing. Brendan pushed him gently so he fell back against the bed. He straddled him, shifting just enough that Joe moaned despite his best efforts to remain passively silent.
"Can I see your face?" he asked. Joe averted his eyes, the heat returning to his cheeks. "Joseph. When are we going to do this again? The world ends once."
"Fine. Just... do it. Please."
Brendan grinned, flashing his teeth the way he always did when he got what he wanted. Brendan put on his lubricated condom and then pushed up Joe's legs. Joe turned his head to the side, too afraid of what he would see if he actually looked at Brendan. When he entered, Joe gasped beneath Brendan's grunt and squirmed.
"No," Brendan said, his voice near a snarl in the heat of the moment. "It hurts less if you don't move until you can take it." He didn't feel like lying still while Brendan went to town, but he closed his eyes and rolled with it. After a while, it started to feel good. Really good. Brendan's hands were slippery, sliding wherever he tried to get a grip, especially as each thrust became more desperate and bordering on frantic. Joe had taught himself how to ask for what he wanted and Brendan complied with his usual boundless enthusiasm. Joe came hard, all over his own stomach, sputtering and gasping for air as Brendan finished up.
He held Brendan loosely, trying to decide the most respectful time to take a shower.
"That was worth the world ending," Brendan said quietly, burying his face in Joe's side. Joe laughed gently and pulled him in tighter, but he didn't say anything.
*
The second time the world ended was much better. Somehow, Joe's alluring shyness had vanished. Brendan had thought it would take awhile to break down, that it might reemerge once he started touching him, but it seemed Joe's confidence had grown exponentially and Brendan almost thought Joe had done this as much as he himself had. His hands became more talented, his choices became bolder, and instead of rather passively enjoying himself, he thrust back and ordered Brendan around in a breathless, constant stream of obscenities.
"That time felt more like the world was ending," Brendan laughed as he threw on his tee shirt and gym shorts.
"Shut up." Joe was brushing his teeth and combing his hair. Brendan had forgotten that he was going to meet his girlfriend's parents that night. Apparently, he couldn't look like he had just stumbled out of a by-the-hour hotel room with his teammate. Because that would definitely make a bad impression.
"Why? Come on, you've done it already. I don't get why you're so uptight."
"Oh, I don't know Brendan. Why the fuck would I be uptight?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. You know, I'm really glad you do this, because I really like you and I have since I heard you were getting called up to Memphis, but Jesus fucking Christ, man. You like getting fucked up the ass, okay? It's not a crime."
"Shut the fuck up."
"No. You fucking listen to me. Maybe it takes pretending the world is ending to get you here the first time. Maybe that's what you're thinking when I'm fucking you. Seeing meteorites falling from the sky, hearing non-existent gunfire and screams, maybe feeling a phantom earthquake, I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Because the second time matters. You had sex with a man and guess what? The world didn't fucking end. So the second time you come here with me, that particular illusion is shattered. So why the fuck are you here unless you really wanted this? Why the fuck are you here when you can't pretend anymore?"
Joe turned around, his jaw clenched so tightly a tick appeared in his left cheek. His wiry body, now with renewed purpose, no longer made him look like a non-threatening puppy still growing into his paws, but lethal. Brendan ran his heads over his head, regretting every single world that had come out of his mouth.
"Fine." Joe picked up his tie off the floor and wrapped it around the collar of his shirt before slamming the door. Brendan sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes. He had nothing to do, no one waiting for him, and he figured he might stay here for a while. It was only 45 dollars an hour, anyway.
*
The third time the world ended, Joe hardly spoke to him. His anger was intoxicating, visible in his every motion. It brought a new, erotic dimension to the whole thing. He stayed a little while longer this time, perhaps because they had both wore themselves out. It felt like every time became more and more frantic, perhaps because of Joe's desperation to hold on to the idea that the world was really ending that very night and he could do whatever he wanted without having to deal with the real life consequences even as he saw it all slipping away from him.
"What the fuck am I doing?" he said barely over a whisper, his palms over his eyes, his shorts hanging low on his waist. Brendan was still naked, deciding it was too hot without air conditioning to wear even a single piece of clothing. "I'm screwing up my life."
"What?"
"Yeah, I am. I'm fucking screwing up my life. What the fuck am I even doing, Brendan? I have a good life, I really do. Everything is perfect and I wouldn't do a fucking thing to mess it up, but here I am. I don't think you understand what this could do to me. I mean, you... You don't have some one's idea of what you could be hanging over your head. You've never hit your ceiling. You don't have anything to lose, really. You're like a journeyman, a wanderer. Nothing here, nothing there, nothing to lose. And me? I've got a lot to lose. Everything."
"Look, if you don't want to--"
"I don't. But that doesn't mean I won't be here next week and the week after that and the week after that."
"I know," Brendan whispered, perhaps in appreciation of the fragility of the moment, but he felt like it was more to preserve it. Preserve the quiet surrender of the whole thing.
"When are you leaving for St. Louis?"
"Huh?"
"Don't play dumb. Maloney already told us. We're supposed to be celebrating in your honor tomorrow night, though, technically, I'm not supposed to tell you. But I figured maybe you got all the celebration you really needed tonight, anyway."
"Shit. Fuck. I wasn't... I was going to tell you, I--"
"Whatever. When are you leaving?"
"Thursday."
"That's in two days."
"I know."
"Fuck you."
"Joe, you can't act like you didn't... Until tonight I didn't even know..."
"Yeah, whatever. You wouldn't have let me in if you didn't know."
"No, I let you in because I don't care. I care about you so much that I'll take you any way I can get you. And if that means that the world is ending so you don't have to deal with... To deal with liking me back, then so be it. But I thought... I thought you would want me gone, so I didn't want to tell you. So I didn't have to see that you didn't care."
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit, okay, that's the truth. The God honest truth. Call me whatever you want, but I never lied to you. And in your own weird way, you never lied to me. But... I don't think I'm gonna stick. You know they have a lot of injuries up there. And maybe if they have enough, you'll be there with me, too. But I wouldn’t worry, I'll be back in Memphis."
"But what if you aren't?"
"I don't know. Maybe the world will end."
*
The world stopped ending. Joe decided maybe the thing he would lose if he kept pretending was much more valuable than the rest. When Brendan was sent back down, the world stopped ending.
Fandom: RPS; MLB; Memphis Redbirds (AAA) (2007)
Pairing: Brendan Ryan/Joe Mather
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content and swearing
Disclaimer: Not true. Not meant to harm. No $ made.
A/N: Set slightly before Ryan's call-up from AAA Memphis last year. This was written for sslyricwheel with Blur's "Tender" in mind. Though, I must warn you, it's a rather loose interpretation of the challenge 0:)
x-posted to sslyricwheel, baseball_slash, theboysofsummer, and sports_slash
The first time Brendan met Joe, he asked him about the end of the world. The June sun beat down on Memphis like a vengeance. The ground felt like it was baking beneath their feet, a palpable inferno. Joe was shy, awkwardly brilliant, avoiding Brendan's eyes with an expertise that came from a lifetime of denying things and remaining inconspicuous.
"Well, I don't know," Joe said, speaking to the infield as he edged away from Brendan inch by inch. "I guess... I guess maybe I'd like to spend it with you." He turned his head quickly and his face fell a little when he saw that Brendan's face hadn't changed.
"Yeah, that'd be nice." Like it was a date. Joe pointed in a general direction opposite of where he stood with Brendan. Brendan let the smile he suppressed free as he watched the back of Joe's jersey bob away, sun glinting off the numbers like they were made of steel.
*
"Joe, please."
Joe signed heavily, feigning resign as he closed the hotel door that protected them from the outside world. "I just wanted to watch."
"Why?"
Joe shrugged, returning to his place on the edge of the bed. His shoulders were tense, his back straight and tight, resembling a live wire just before it starts to spark. Brendan, hesitantly, though with authority that came from a lifetime of by-the-hour hotel room weekends and backroom courage, approached Joe. Joe sat up straighter, steeling his jaw and closing his eyes, gulping down his rising fear and paranoia. Brendan's hands were gentle, but with the strength earned from relying on them for a living as he began to massage Joe's shoulders. His shoulders were so tight, it hurt until he leaned into it a little and let Brendan actually touch him instead of shying away. When his fingers moved up to his scalp, he was practically hypnotized.
"Brendan," he said, his lips parted and his breath catching. His voice was low, barely a whisper. "Kiss me."
Brendan pressed his lips to Joe's before he could properly turn himself around, catching him in an awkward half-hug half-kiss while he had only a knee on the bed. Brendan pulled back and let him settle himself again, silently scolding himself his impatience. Joe couldn't look at him. Brendan leaned in again and nabbed Joe's bottom lip between his, sucking gently while his tongue, as systematically energetic as the rest of him, glided slowly. When their mouths met properly for the first time, Joe was surprised by the quiet insistence of kissing a man, the warped power struggle that felt humiliating despite Brendan's best efforts to give him some dignity.
His hands fumbled with Brendan's belt as his head reeled like the first time he had gotten his two-wheeler going without his dad holding the handlebars, the first time a home run had cracked off his wooden bat, the first time he'd dove for a ball in the outfield and pulled it out of his glove to cheers, the first bold decision he had made all night. Brendan helped him out by unbuttoning his pants and guiding him passed the waistband of his boxer briefs. His grip was too loose and his pace either bordering on the teenage girl side of sloppy or NASCAR fast, but Brendan didn't seem to mind.
When he lifted his hand up, he finished stripping. Joe tried not to blush, but he felt his cheeks growing hot as he silently kicked himself. Brendan stood in front of him, his erection bouncing like an ominous reminder of what he was doing in a hotel room in the part of Memphis his mother warned him away from. He pulled off Joe's shirt and helped him out of his pants. Joe tried hard not to think of the implications that went along with that wry smirk. And when Brendan's lips, larger, firmer and more skilled than those of his female peers, wrapped around him, it didn't matter what he was thinking about; his thoughts stopped immediately like someone had pressed delete on his mental keyboard.
Brendan got him hard enough that he would do anything to get off and then stopped. Joe silently cursed and praised him simultaneously for his expert timing. Brendan pushed him gently so he fell back against the bed. He straddled him, shifting just enough that Joe moaned despite his best efforts to remain passively silent.
"Can I see your face?" he asked. Joe averted his eyes, the heat returning to his cheeks. "Joseph. When are we going to do this again? The world ends once."
"Fine. Just... do it. Please."
Brendan grinned, flashing his teeth the way he always did when he got what he wanted. Brendan put on his lubricated condom and then pushed up Joe's legs. Joe turned his head to the side, too afraid of what he would see if he actually looked at Brendan. When he entered, Joe gasped beneath Brendan's grunt and squirmed.
"No," Brendan said, his voice near a snarl in the heat of the moment. "It hurts less if you don't move until you can take it." He didn't feel like lying still while Brendan went to town, but he closed his eyes and rolled with it. After a while, it started to feel good. Really good. Brendan's hands were slippery, sliding wherever he tried to get a grip, especially as each thrust became more desperate and bordering on frantic. Joe had taught himself how to ask for what he wanted and Brendan complied with his usual boundless enthusiasm. Joe came hard, all over his own stomach, sputtering and gasping for air as Brendan finished up.
He held Brendan loosely, trying to decide the most respectful time to take a shower.
"That was worth the world ending," Brendan said quietly, burying his face in Joe's side. Joe laughed gently and pulled him in tighter, but he didn't say anything.
*
The second time the world ended was much better. Somehow, Joe's alluring shyness had vanished. Brendan had thought it would take awhile to break down, that it might reemerge once he started touching him, but it seemed Joe's confidence had grown exponentially and Brendan almost thought Joe had done this as much as he himself had. His hands became more talented, his choices became bolder, and instead of rather passively enjoying himself, he thrust back and ordered Brendan around in a breathless, constant stream of obscenities.
"That time felt more like the world was ending," Brendan laughed as he threw on his tee shirt and gym shorts.
"Shut up." Joe was brushing his teeth and combing his hair. Brendan had forgotten that he was going to meet his girlfriend's parents that night. Apparently, he couldn't look like he had just stumbled out of a by-the-hour hotel room with his teammate. Because that would definitely make a bad impression.
"Why? Come on, you've done it already. I don't get why you're so uptight."
"Oh, I don't know Brendan. Why the fuck would I be uptight?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. You know, I'm really glad you do this, because I really like you and I have since I heard you were getting called up to Memphis, but Jesus fucking Christ, man. You like getting fucked up the ass, okay? It's not a crime."
"Shut the fuck up."
"No. You fucking listen to me. Maybe it takes pretending the world is ending to get you here the first time. Maybe that's what you're thinking when I'm fucking you. Seeing meteorites falling from the sky, hearing non-existent gunfire and screams, maybe feeling a phantom earthquake, I don't know, but it doesn't matter. Because the second time matters. You had sex with a man and guess what? The world didn't fucking end. So the second time you come here with me, that particular illusion is shattered. So why the fuck are you here unless you really wanted this? Why the fuck are you here when you can't pretend anymore?"
Joe turned around, his jaw clenched so tightly a tick appeared in his left cheek. His wiry body, now with renewed purpose, no longer made him look like a non-threatening puppy still growing into his paws, but lethal. Brendan ran his heads over his head, regretting every single world that had come out of his mouth.
"Fine." Joe picked up his tie off the floor and wrapped it around the collar of his shirt before slamming the door. Brendan sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes. He had nothing to do, no one waiting for him, and he figured he might stay here for a while. It was only 45 dollars an hour, anyway.
*
The third time the world ended, Joe hardly spoke to him. His anger was intoxicating, visible in his every motion. It brought a new, erotic dimension to the whole thing. He stayed a little while longer this time, perhaps because they had both wore themselves out. It felt like every time became more and more frantic, perhaps because of Joe's desperation to hold on to the idea that the world was really ending that very night and he could do whatever he wanted without having to deal with the real life consequences even as he saw it all slipping away from him.
"What the fuck am I doing?" he said barely over a whisper, his palms over his eyes, his shorts hanging low on his waist. Brendan was still naked, deciding it was too hot without air conditioning to wear even a single piece of clothing. "I'm screwing up my life."
"What?"
"Yeah, I am. I'm fucking screwing up my life. What the fuck am I even doing, Brendan? I have a good life, I really do. Everything is perfect and I wouldn't do a fucking thing to mess it up, but here I am. I don't think you understand what this could do to me. I mean, you... You don't have some one's idea of what you could be hanging over your head. You've never hit your ceiling. You don't have anything to lose, really. You're like a journeyman, a wanderer. Nothing here, nothing there, nothing to lose. And me? I've got a lot to lose. Everything."
"Look, if you don't want to--"
"I don't. But that doesn't mean I won't be here next week and the week after that and the week after that."
"I know," Brendan whispered, perhaps in appreciation of the fragility of the moment, but he felt like it was more to preserve it. Preserve the quiet surrender of the whole thing.
"When are you leaving for St. Louis?"
"Huh?"
"Don't play dumb. Maloney already told us. We're supposed to be celebrating in your honor tomorrow night, though, technically, I'm not supposed to tell you. But I figured maybe you got all the celebration you really needed tonight, anyway."
"Shit. Fuck. I wasn't... I was going to tell you, I--"
"Whatever. When are you leaving?"
"Thursday."
"That's in two days."
"I know."
"Fuck you."
"Joe, you can't act like you didn't... Until tonight I didn't even know..."
"Yeah, whatever. You wouldn't have let me in if you didn't know."
"No, I let you in because I don't care. I care about you so much that I'll take you any way I can get you. And if that means that the world is ending so you don't have to deal with... To deal with liking me back, then so be it. But I thought... I thought you would want me gone, so I didn't want to tell you. So I didn't have to see that you didn't care."
"Bullshit."
"It's not bullshit, okay, that's the truth. The God honest truth. Call me whatever you want, but I never lied to you. And in your own weird way, you never lied to me. But... I don't think I'm gonna stick. You know they have a lot of injuries up there. And maybe if they have enough, you'll be there with me, too. But I wouldn’t worry, I'll be back in Memphis."
"But what if you aren't?"
"I don't know. Maybe the world will end."
*
The world stopped ending. Joe decided maybe the thing he would lose if he kept pretending was much more valuable than the rest. When Brendan was sent back down, the world stopped ending.