(no subject)
Our Christmas pageant, starred Lala, this year as an angel - gold wings, fluffy halo, striped tights and pink chucks! While I was reading from the pulpit, she had to come up, so I scooped her and held her while I read the Dr. Suess Nativity to the kids. She leaned over into the mic and said "Hello!" She tried to put the halo on me, and when it wouldn't fit, she put one hand on each of my cheeks, turned my face to her and planted the sweetest kiss right on my cheek. The congregation was jello.
The Christmas Gospel according to Seuss*
*not really
The news has come in, a tale has been written,
Not blasphemous enough for the writer to be smitten,
And the tale is contagious, just like being bitten...
This may not seem very important, I know,
But it is, so I'm bothering telling you so.
This tale is quite catching, I say. Like a cough.
It takes but one telling to start others off.
Now one day, in Rome, Augustus decreed,
That all in the known world should travel to see,
The lands in the Empire where they had been born,
And this was what made the man Joseph forlorn.
(And it was the first time for Quirinius of Syria,
That he'd seen the bedlam of census hysteria.)
Mary, Joe's wife, was having a baby,
And travelling from Nazareth to Bethlehem, maybe,
Would be too much strain, Joseph had to lament,
This journey, would Mary be just too far spent,
To deliver the baby, now due any day?
But to King David's city they must make their way,
So loading the donkey with Mary they went,
To Bethlehem seeking a room for to rent,
But booking ahead in a rush is essential,
Though with luck they found lodgings that had great potential,
And that night in the stables Mary did labor,
Much helped by the coaching of animal neighbors,
First huff and then puff and then pant, pant blow
The donkeys said “bray and the the cows chimed in “low”
And Mary bore Joseph a bright baby boy,
For which Joseph tasked himself to deploy,
A feed trough to lay his new son for the night,
And a blanket to offer them all warm respite.
Shepherds and shearers, 'round campfires they told,
Scary ghost stories for sheep in the fold,
Until all of a sudden a sound from the sky,
Had all of them looking at angels on high.
The angels packed heat, that is, big flaming swords,
And mortals ran scared, until out of the hordes,
The messenger told them "There's no need to panic!
Relax! We're from heaven - and we’re not satanic!"
When the shepherds all realized the angels were holy,
They cast down their eyes, as they all felt so lowly.
"I'm here with good news!" the messenger said,
"And you needn't feel bad, so raise up your heads,
In King David's town, you know, just down the road,
A savior's been born, and right now his abode,
Is a stable, a feed trough, all wrapped in a rug,
So now that's where you'll find him, snug as a bug.
He's God's chosen Lord of all lands on the earth.
If you go there right now you will witness the birth
Of an era. And now, sorry, we must be going."
And as they all watched, the sky just stopped glowing.
They picked up their sticks and they picked up their packs,
They picked up their sheepses and then they made tracks.
As they crested the hill it all came into sight,
The magic! The mayhem! The bright neon lights!
Bethlehem-vegas, stretched out right before them,
Resplendent and sparkling, a bright, gaudy gem.
So the shepherds and sheepses, they walked straight on through,
While looking for stables right now home to two
Plus God's chosen baby to whom they were bound,
So when they arrived they knelt without sound,
Until one young shepherd piped up and said loudly,
"Lets all have a party, and tell people proudly
Of all that we've seen around here on this night!"
Well, partying shepherds can be quite a sight,
Singing loudly and badly down ev-e-ry street,
Waking folks up - telling all whom they meet.
And for Mary it was quite a special affair,
She pondered all night, but was still unaware,
That before the tale's end there would be more surprises,
We won’t tell of them now, but as they arise-es!
A long time ago in lands far far away,
Some wise Eastern mystics looked out on that day,
To see a new star burning bright in the sky,
So they packed up their knapsacks, all said goodbye,
And across the wide world they rode to the star,
They followed it near and they followed it far,
They followed on camels with one or two humps.
They rode single file and never in clumps.
Because they believed that the star was a sign,
Of something to come, maybe something divine.
They got to Judea and thought they'd arrived,
They asked hundreds of questions that they had contrived,
Such as "Where is the child who is King of the Jews?"
(When King Herod heard this he was less than amused.)
The last thing he needed, a threat to his rule,
So his plan was to use the three dudes as his tool.
He consulted astronomers, a seer even seered
To figure out just when the star had appeared
"He's in Bethlehem, fellers," he said with a grin,
"I’d love to go with you, we're practically kin!
I'd like to head down there some time, hail his name,
But I don't know the way, it’s a terrible shame,
So when you get there could you drop me an email?"
They nodded, to him, all too wise to his evil.
The mystics attended the Christ baby’s shower,
They brought him nice gifts from their ivory tower,
Some frankincense, gold and some myrrh did they bring,
To a family who had little use for such things.
Mary was hoping for Pampers and clothes
and Joseph was thinking a gift card from Lowe’s
That night in a dream, a bright angel appeared,
Telling the smart guys that someone they feared,
King Herod, was wanting to get to the child
to kill him, and for this he had them beguiled
To tell him exactly where Jesus was laying,
So Herod could send in his henchmen for slaying.
The boys took their exit up Route 24,
(Taking a route not the same as before),
Which is why we can hear of this glorious ode -
The star and the camels and wise men who rode,
Of angels and shepherds and sheepses in fright,
And Mary and Joseph and Jesus that night.
We’ve heard it and sat in these pews without yawrning -
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good morning.