you take my breath away
you...you won't read this. you don't know how to find me. how i wish you did, or would. maybe you will.
i drove away in tears today. your smell lingers in my nose. the look in your eyes is still burning a hole in my mind. you've left a mark on my heart and it hurts. i'm scarred, but in a good way. i'm scarred by your presence and it's a beautiful scar. i'm proud of it because i let you cut me. i let me cut me. i let myself feel for you...*really* feel for you even though i knew i'd put you on a plane today without any promise of seeing each other again...only a "lets keep in touch". the scar isn't too deep, but it could be if i were to let it. i'm not going to dwell in not being able to kiss your mouth or hold you or listen to you talk about the intricate details of your life. you live in san fransisco, so there are many miles between us and i'd rather be happy and appreciate the short amount of time that we spent together.
i'm exhausted, but i had to stop at an internet cafe and write about my experience with you. it needs to be recorded. can you fall in love in one night? possibly. this is what i know about me...if i want to feel something, i feel it. i mean *feel* it. when your lips touched mine there was electricity. my arms wrapped around your back, your hair in my nose, your smell lingering in my subconcious. i got into the car with lane tonight. she uses the same shampoo as you do and i wanted to cry. at the same time i was grateful to be feeling something so intensely again. i didn't think i'd feel that passionately again, but i've realized it's possible. it's taken over a year since my ex and i broke up. i still don't run into her, amazingly, although i keep on running into her best friend. odd, yet not so strange or as unexpected as i thought. apparently others have had similar experiences. if we're not meant to run into one another, then we won't. the universe is a beautiful, benevolent force.
can i publish your name? it runs through my mind over and over. the hole i felt when you left has dissipated and my feelings for you are still very strong. what a beautiful aftermath...to be hole and in love. it could grow if we'd let it. if you'd let it. but you could barely look into my eyes! i waited and when you did, i cherished those brief moments of connect. when you did, i felt like we were penetrating each other. those eyes. my god. your voice. you're in pain although i'm not sure if you know it. you seem to be closed off. it reminds me of a dull ache. it's not extreme, but it's there, and it prevents you from looking me in the eye. what are you afraid of? i know what it is, but i'm not going to hurt you. i could be so good for you, and you me.
you are beautiful to me. you radiate. literally. you radiate. can you feel the energy between us? are you going to let it slide by? are you going to dismiss me because i'm in seattle and you're in san fransisco? are you going to dismiss me because i'm ten years younger? age is meaningless. don't be like that, please.
what did you say? attraction comes and goes. moments come and go. yes, i agree. feelings come and go, and i wasn't going to turn them off. not this time. not when i'm so drawn to you. even though i knew it was going to knock me out for a day, perhaps longer...at the time i didn't know how long. but i'm okay now, and now i just appreciate that you were so open with me...that you could tell me about important parts of your life without hesitation...that you seemed to trust me with your painful past...that you asked to kiss me...that you seemed to want to taste my mouth as much as i did yours...that you wanted me to hold you as badly as i wanted to. when i asked your face lit up. i wish i could have held you all night long and into the next day. maybe next time, if you'll allow a next time.
i saw my therapist the day after i met you. i'd written you off because you live in san fran...but she told me that i wasn't living in the moment and i thought to myself, all we have are moments. and then i realized that if i don't let myself fall for you because i'm afraid or because you don't live in the same city or because i knew there'd be a fall-out (and there was), i'd be losing an important part of my life and i can't have that. i'm grateful for how much i care for you. i'm grateful for you.
you said that you don't feel intensely. i feel intensely. could you feel my intensity? how did you feel? do you care? was it a weekend of fun in the sun for you? it was for me, surely, but more than that also. you are special to me. significant to me. i won't forget you.
part of my heart belongs to you and i'm not sorry about that. i'm not reluctant to share it again.
goodnight erica.
i drove away in tears today. your smell lingers in my nose. the look in your eyes is still burning a hole in my mind. you've left a mark on my heart and it hurts. i'm scarred, but in a good way. i'm scarred by your presence and it's a beautiful scar. i'm proud of it because i let you cut me. i let me cut me. i let myself feel for you...*really* feel for you even though i knew i'd put you on a plane today without any promise of seeing each other again...only a "lets keep in touch". the scar isn't too deep, but it could be if i were to let it. i'm not going to dwell in not being able to kiss your mouth or hold you or listen to you talk about the intricate details of your life. you live in san fransisco, so there are many miles between us and i'd rather be happy and appreciate the short amount of time that we spent together.
i'm exhausted, but i had to stop at an internet cafe and write about my experience with you. it needs to be recorded. can you fall in love in one night? possibly. this is what i know about me...if i want to feel something, i feel it. i mean *feel* it. when your lips touched mine there was electricity. my arms wrapped around your back, your hair in my nose, your smell lingering in my subconcious. i got into the car with lane tonight. she uses the same shampoo as you do and i wanted to cry. at the same time i was grateful to be feeling something so intensely again. i didn't think i'd feel that passionately again, but i've realized it's possible. it's taken over a year since my ex and i broke up. i still don't run into her, amazingly, although i keep on running into her best friend. odd, yet not so strange or as unexpected as i thought. apparently others have had similar experiences. if we're not meant to run into one another, then we won't. the universe is a beautiful, benevolent force.
can i publish your name? it runs through my mind over and over. the hole i felt when you left has dissipated and my feelings for you are still very strong. what a beautiful aftermath...to be hole and in love. it could grow if we'd let it. if you'd let it. but you could barely look into my eyes! i waited and when you did, i cherished those brief moments of connect. when you did, i felt like we were penetrating each other. those eyes. my god. your voice. you're in pain although i'm not sure if you know it. you seem to be closed off. it reminds me of a dull ache. it's not extreme, but it's there, and it prevents you from looking me in the eye. what are you afraid of? i know what it is, but i'm not going to hurt you. i could be so good for you, and you me.
you are beautiful to me. you radiate. literally. you radiate. can you feel the energy between us? are you going to let it slide by? are you going to dismiss me because i'm in seattle and you're in san fransisco? are you going to dismiss me because i'm ten years younger? age is meaningless. don't be like that, please.
what did you say? attraction comes and goes. moments come and go. yes, i agree. feelings come and go, and i wasn't going to turn them off. not this time. not when i'm so drawn to you. even though i knew it was going to knock me out for a day, perhaps longer...at the time i didn't know how long. but i'm okay now, and now i just appreciate that you were so open with me...that you could tell me about important parts of your life without hesitation...that you seemed to trust me with your painful past...that you asked to kiss me...that you seemed to want to taste my mouth as much as i did yours...that you wanted me to hold you as badly as i wanted to. when i asked your face lit up. i wish i could have held you all night long and into the next day. maybe next time, if you'll allow a next time.
i saw my therapist the day after i met you. i'd written you off because you live in san fran...but she told me that i wasn't living in the moment and i thought to myself, all we have are moments. and then i realized that if i don't let myself fall for you because i'm afraid or because you don't live in the same city or because i knew there'd be a fall-out (and there was), i'd be losing an important part of my life and i can't have that. i'm grateful for how much i care for you. i'm grateful for you.
you said that you don't feel intensely. i feel intensely. could you feel my intensity? how did you feel? do you care? was it a weekend of fun in the sun for you? it was for me, surely, but more than that also. you are special to me. significant to me. i won't forget you.
part of my heart belongs to you and i'm not sorry about that. i'm not reluctant to share it again.
goodnight erica.