Kind of, but not quite, goodbye
It's really strange, the things that you think of at 4 o'clock in the morning. Anyway, this has been something that's been hovering on my mind for some time now, but I never thought seriously about it till last night, for some reason. And I don't really know why I was thinking of it/making my mind up about it at 4am, but that's how it ended up happening. In just under a week, I go back to Uni for the second semester of my 3rd year. Before I do that, I want to withdraw myself from fandom. (Yes, that sounds dirty *g*).
Firstly, this is not because of any fandom wanking, it's not because of inner politics of fandom, it's not a protest at Viggorli or Katelando or mods or anything like that. Really :o) I <3 you all and the Viggorli fandom to bits.
It's just that, like I said, this is coming up to the second half of my third year at uni. I really, really want to be accepted into honours for law. I have a credit average at the moment (a high credit, but still a credit), and I need to finish my degree with a distinction average if I'm going to get offered honours. I figure this leaves me 3 semesters in which to work my butt off to bring my grades up to the level they're needed. That means not spending a few hours each night in front of the computer. It probably means dreaming of statutes and caselaw and not Viggorli. :o(
In a few days time, on Saturday or Sunday night (I go back to Uni on Monday), I'm going to defriend most of my flist. *sob*. Please, please don't take this personally!! You are all, every single one of you, incredibly amazing and wonderful people that I am so honoured and happy that I've gotten to know. I'm the pathetically incapable one here :P. I don't want to delete my journal, and I'm still going to be on the net and around LJ, if much less frequently. But I know that if I have a (heh, relatively) big and active flist, I'm not going to be able to resist myself in checking it compulsively, like I do now. I love reading about you all, and I love reading what you write :o) And that's the problem, because you're all much too addictive, and I can't get enough of you, and it's just a little bit distracting *g* I'm going to keep a handful of people on my flist - mainly those of you who I've gotten to know very well through email or AIM or something else :o) And you already know who you are. I'd also encourage you all to defriend me after I defriend you. *cries* You don't have to, but I probably won't do any more fandom posts (and if they do, they'll be few and far between), so you have to ask yourself, do you really want periodic updates about my homework and the crappiness of the train network in Australia? *g* I don't expect anyone to keep me on their flist, and probably prefer you not to, since that cuts down on the possibility of distraction for me.
I'm still going to be around online and on LJ though. I'll probably dive into Vigorlean Cult during breaks and during bouts of depression about the horrible state of the wold ;) I'll still be accessible by email, and I'll still be on AIM. And I'll probably occassionally hijack someone's flist, just so I can keep up with how you're all going. And maybe by summer holidays, I might be back a bit more. So this isn't really the end...
The funny thing is, what started me thinking on this was reading a (very lovely) Orlando forum last night. And it was (generally) not even a catty forum :o) But I found I really, really dislike the idea of being a fangirl. I don't want to care this much about a celebrity that has been fictionalised so much that my image of him is probably nowhere near the real him :o) I don't want that to matter. I think it's ridiculous when a litte voice in my head goes "Aww :o(" when I see something that's contrary to Viggorli. Viggorli is my OTP!!! On the day the boys finally come out, I'm going to break down and cry my heart out for joy :D But I really need to stop thinking about it all the time, like I'm doing now. And all this is not about looking down on the Viggorli community, and it's not about how it's wrong to be a fangirl. Really :o) It's just that I need to separate my real world from my dream world that's happening here. I feel like I need to grow up. Growing up means different things to different people, I know. And perfectly mature and capable people are members of not just the Viggorli fandom, but fandom in general. Growing up for me, though, means leaving at least some of this behind.
Tomorrow will be the 6th anniversary of the first time I entered fandom, and actually had interactions online with real and specific people :o) I've literally grown up with the net and fandom. It's had a huge part in making me who I am, and I don't regret it at all :o) It's also my security blanket. Hee, lambie. When I'm bored, stressed, upset, depressed, I know that a night online usually makes me feel so much better. And it's going to be so incredibly hard to let that go. I still can't believe I'm going to do it... For the past 6 years, this has ben such a staple, comforting part of my lfe. But I feel it's time for me to grow up and face the real world. The last 5 months have been fantastic, because for the first time in ages, I'm only working one job, and I've been making no efforts to get a second one *g* I need to stop being a lazy-ass, though, and either put all of this free time into my study, or get out there and get another job. And previously, 'net time' has always had priority when I've been making decisions, but I don't think that's the way to go anymore.
I'm going to miss you all so much!!! I will definitely still be around on occassion. This is not (I promise, despite the pages of crap I just typed) meant to be a melodramatic exit. I just wanted to let you know what's happening with me :o) Thank you so much for your friendship and support and for sharing your art and your writing and making fandom come alive for me. I'm so glad I got to know you all! Argh... repeat to self: this is not the end! I've learnt so much from you all, and you've all made my days brighter just by being yourselves and being on LJ. And I'm getting mushy now.
(((((((((flist))))))))) I wish you guys all the best in whatever you do in life!!! <3
(This really isn't the end. I'm not going to vanish. Hopefully, neither are you. But, omg!!! *cries* It won't ever be the same.)
So... kind of, but not quite, goodbye :o)
<3
Firstly, this is not because of any fandom wanking, it's not because of inner politics of fandom, it's not a protest at Viggorli or Katelando or mods or anything like that. Really :o) I <3 you all and the Viggorli fandom to bits.
It's just that, like I said, this is coming up to the second half of my third year at uni. I really, really want to be accepted into honours for law. I have a credit average at the moment (a high credit, but still a credit), and I need to finish my degree with a distinction average if I'm going to get offered honours. I figure this leaves me 3 semesters in which to work my butt off to bring my grades up to the level they're needed. That means not spending a few hours each night in front of the computer. It probably means dreaming of statutes and caselaw and not Viggorli. :o(
In a few days time, on Saturday or Sunday night (I go back to Uni on Monday), I'm going to defriend most of my flist. *sob*. Please, please don't take this personally!! You are all, every single one of you, incredibly amazing and wonderful people that I am so honoured and happy that I've gotten to know. I'm the pathetically incapable one here :P. I don't want to delete my journal, and I'm still going to be on the net and around LJ, if much less frequently. But I know that if I have a (heh, relatively) big and active flist, I'm not going to be able to resist myself in checking it compulsively, like I do now. I love reading about you all, and I love reading what you write :o) And that's the problem, because you're all much too addictive, and I can't get enough of you, and it's just a little bit distracting *g* I'm going to keep a handful of people on my flist - mainly those of you who I've gotten to know very well through email or AIM or something else :o) And you already know who you are. I'd also encourage you all to defriend me after I defriend you. *cries* You don't have to, but I probably won't do any more fandom posts (and if they do, they'll be few and far between), so you have to ask yourself, do you really want periodic updates about my homework and the crappiness of the train network in Australia? *g* I don't expect anyone to keep me on their flist, and probably prefer you not to, since that cuts down on the possibility of distraction for me.
I'm still going to be around online and on LJ though. I'll probably dive into Vigorlean Cult during breaks and during bouts of depression about the horrible state of the wold ;) I'll still be accessible by email, and I'll still be on AIM. And I'll probably occassionally hijack someone's flist, just so I can keep up with how you're all going. And maybe by summer holidays, I might be back a bit more. So this isn't really the end...
The funny thing is, what started me thinking on this was reading a (very lovely) Orlando forum last night. And it was (generally) not even a catty forum :o) But I found I really, really dislike the idea of being a fangirl. I don't want to care this much about a celebrity that has been fictionalised so much that my image of him is probably nowhere near the real him :o) I don't want that to matter. I think it's ridiculous when a litte voice in my head goes "Aww :o(" when I see something that's contrary to Viggorli. Viggorli is my OTP!!! On the day the boys finally come out, I'm going to break down and cry my heart out for joy :D But I really need to stop thinking about it all the time, like I'm doing now. And all this is not about looking down on the Viggorli community, and it's not about how it's wrong to be a fangirl. Really :o) It's just that I need to separate my real world from my dream world that's happening here. I feel like I need to grow up. Growing up means different things to different people, I know. And perfectly mature and capable people are members of not just the Viggorli fandom, but fandom in general. Growing up for me, though, means leaving at least some of this behind.
Tomorrow will be the 6th anniversary of the first time I entered fandom, and actually had interactions online with real and specific people :o) I've literally grown up with the net and fandom. It's had a huge part in making me who I am, and I don't regret it at all :o) It's also my security blanket. Hee, lambie. When I'm bored, stressed, upset, depressed, I know that a night online usually makes me feel so much better. And it's going to be so incredibly hard to let that go. I still can't believe I'm going to do it... For the past 6 years, this has ben such a staple, comforting part of my lfe. But I feel it's time for me to grow up and face the real world. The last 5 months have been fantastic, because for the first time in ages, I'm only working one job, and I've been making no efforts to get a second one *g* I need to stop being a lazy-ass, though, and either put all of this free time into my study, or get out there and get another job. And previously, 'net time' has always had priority when I've been making decisions, but I don't think that's the way to go anymore.
I'm going to miss you all so much!!! I will definitely still be around on occassion. This is not (I promise, despite the pages of crap I just typed) meant to be a melodramatic exit. I just wanted to let you know what's happening with me :o) Thank you so much for your friendship and support and for sharing your art and your writing and making fandom come alive for me. I'm so glad I got to know you all! Argh... repeat to self: this is not the end! I've learnt so much from you all, and you've all made my days brighter just by being yourselves and being on LJ. And I'm getting mushy now.
(((((((((flist))))))))) I wish you guys all the best in whatever you do in life!!! <3
(This really isn't the end. I'm not going to vanish. Hopefully, neither are you. But, omg!!! *cries* It won't ever be the same.)
So... kind of, but not quite, goodbye :o)
<3