Lessons to live by
1. Dancing + Treadmill = Disaster
Yes, the music has a fantastic beat, yes, you're pumped, yes, it's your favorite song of the moment, but no, running 6 miles an hour and trying to get your groove on are not compatible. I've tried, and it failed spectacularly when a little hip action knocked the emergency stop button off its perch and brought the treadmill to a grinding halt. While I continued going, hip action and all... quick reflexes are all that stood between my nose and the ground.
2. Why is everyone so sweaty?
When you're in a store, you shop. When you're in a restaurant, you eat. And when you're in a gym...? You exercise ('Scope out the cute buff guy next to me' or 'try not to die because I'm so out of shape' are also acceptable answers, as long as they are combined with the aforementioned exercising). You don't text your friends or have loud conversations about your love life while using the elliptical on level 1. That's not working out. That's gossip hour mixed with restless leg syndrome. And by the way, that heavy make-up you're wearing is going to clog your pores, and if that mixed with sweat, boy are you going to break out. But your version of 'going to the gym' doesn't really seem to involve sweat, so reasonably, you have nothing to worry about.
Hah, I've always wanted to get that off my chest. It annoys me so much.
3. Front door: In Back door: Out
Busses have two sets of doors for a reason. Why, oh why, do you young, able-bodied ones insist on departing out the front one? It makes no sense to me. The back doors don't even have a large crowd of people attempting to board the bus... in fact, they're completely clear. Oh wait, is that why? Do you want the attention? If you're going to do that, the least you could do is thank the bus driver.
4. Gender ambiguity is a serious issue
If you are going to bring your child to a kids event, dress them in ambiguous clothing, give them short, cropped hair-cuts, and names like "Cameron" or "Kelly" or "Robin," don't be surprised if at least one person guesses incorrectly that little "Jayden" is a boy. I promise, I felt worse than Jayden did, probably because she was too busy with her jujube and toothpick dome to pay any attention to anything I was saying. And next time, it probably wouldn't hurt to knock off the "yeah, sport" and maybe switch "alright, little man" to "you go, girl".
Yes, the music has a fantastic beat, yes, you're pumped, yes, it's your favorite song of the moment, but no, running 6 miles an hour and trying to get your groove on are not compatible. I've tried, and it failed spectacularly when a little hip action knocked the emergency stop button off its perch and brought the treadmill to a grinding halt. While I continued going, hip action and all... quick reflexes are all that stood between my nose and the ground.
2. Why is everyone so sweaty?
When you're in a store, you shop. When you're in a restaurant, you eat. And when you're in a gym...? You exercise ('Scope out the cute buff guy next to me' or 'try not to die because I'm so out of shape' are also acceptable answers, as long as they are combined with the aforementioned exercising). You don't text your friends or have loud conversations about your love life while using the elliptical on level 1. That's not working out. That's gossip hour mixed with restless leg syndrome. And by the way, that heavy make-up you're wearing is going to clog your pores, and if that mixed with sweat, boy are you going to break out. But your version of 'going to the gym' doesn't really seem to involve sweat, so reasonably, you have nothing to worry about.
Hah, I've always wanted to get that off my chest. It annoys me so much.
3. Front door: In Back door: Out
Busses have two sets of doors for a reason. Why, oh why, do you young, able-bodied ones insist on departing out the front one? It makes no sense to me. The back doors don't even have a large crowd of people attempting to board the bus... in fact, they're completely clear. Oh wait, is that why? Do you want the attention? If you're going to do that, the least you could do is thank the bus driver.
4. Gender ambiguity is a serious issue
If you are going to bring your child to a kids event, dress them in ambiguous clothing, give them short, cropped hair-cuts, and names like "Cameron" or "Kelly" or "Robin," don't be surprised if at least one person guesses incorrectly that little "Jayden" is a boy. I promise, I felt worse than Jayden did, probably because she was too busy with her jujube and toothpick dome to pay any attention to anything I was saying. And next time, it probably wouldn't hurt to knock off the "yeah, sport" and maybe switch "alright, little man" to "you go, girl".