i just needed to write this to sort out my thoughts.
well fuck life is all i have to say. fuck divorce and my mom and my fucking sister.
i cant do anything that makes my mom happy. im just a big fat disappointment to her. i can tell by the way she looks at me and the way she talks to me. my mom used to be my favorite person in the world and now i cant stand to be around her.
so my fucking sister (who is 21 and lives at home so that gives you a picture of what a selfish lazy loser she is) finds less than a dime of weed in my purse and is like heather youre a pothead and im like shut up thats from a long time ago and anyways you cant talk because YOU DATED A FUCKING DEALER. so one day when my mom is yelling at her for being a screw up so my sister decides to tell my mom that i smoke weed. i didnt even know about this until recently when i found out my mom has been telling a bunch of friends of the family which pisses me off because a) i feel like my sister betrayed me and b) my mom has not said one word to me about it. not one word.
well so what if i fucking smoke weed!! im number fucking five in the junior class. obviously i have it under control. what more can you ask for? i feel worthless because it doesnt matter how good my grades are, all my mom can see is that i smoke weed and apparently that makes me a failure.
my mom took us to the couselor last night and for two fucking hours all i heard from the counselor was that i need to be nicer to my mom and i need to try harder. i do try. but every time i try to talk to her she just gives monotonous replies so of course im not gonna want to be at home with someone like that all the time.
i miss kerry. she is my best friend and knows whats going on in my fucked up family and every time something like this happens she makes me feel better. i really need to talk to her or emily right now but kerrys at work and i dont know how to get a hold of emily. i dont have anyone to talk to so thats why im writing.
im going to move in with my dad. he knows that i smoke weed and hes so easy going; i can tell him anything. plus my older brother lives over there and we're really close. the only thing that has been holding me back is that i know my mom will be depressed if i move out; she'll feel abandoned. well fuck that i dont care anymore. im done caring.
it has been one year since my mom moved me and my little brother out of my dads house. one year. i never, ever thought it would end up like this.
i cant do anything that makes my mom happy. im just a big fat disappointment to her. i can tell by the way she looks at me and the way she talks to me. my mom used to be my favorite person in the world and now i cant stand to be around her.
so my fucking sister (who is 21 and lives at home so that gives you a picture of what a selfish lazy loser she is) finds less than a dime of weed in my purse and is like heather youre a pothead and im like shut up thats from a long time ago and anyways you cant talk because YOU DATED A FUCKING DEALER. so one day when my mom is yelling at her for being a screw up so my sister decides to tell my mom that i smoke weed. i didnt even know about this until recently when i found out my mom has been telling a bunch of friends of the family which pisses me off because a) i feel like my sister betrayed me and b) my mom has not said one word to me about it. not one word.
well so what if i fucking smoke weed!! im number fucking five in the junior class. obviously i have it under control. what more can you ask for? i feel worthless because it doesnt matter how good my grades are, all my mom can see is that i smoke weed and apparently that makes me a failure.
my mom took us to the couselor last night and for two fucking hours all i heard from the counselor was that i need to be nicer to my mom and i need to try harder. i do try. but every time i try to talk to her she just gives monotonous replies so of course im not gonna want to be at home with someone like that all the time.
i miss kerry. she is my best friend and knows whats going on in my fucked up family and every time something like this happens she makes me feel better. i really need to talk to her or emily right now but kerrys at work and i dont know how to get a hold of emily. i dont have anyone to talk to so thats why im writing.
im going to move in with my dad. he knows that i smoke weed and hes so easy going; i can tell him anything. plus my older brother lives over there and we're really close. the only thing that has been holding me back is that i know my mom will be depressed if i move out; she'll feel abandoned. well fuck that i dont care anymore. im done caring.
it has been one year since my mom moved me and my little brother out of my dads house. one year. i never, ever thought it would end up like this.