(no subject)
Have you ever been so sick of the stench of you that you found yourself lying face down in the vomit of life? Paralyzed? Helpless? Just lying in some strange ally way gargling and choking on the bits and pieces of your self-loathing and regret that managed to find its way out of your body. Staring into the disgusting map of your future, right there, in that puddle of stomach acid and food you don’t remember eating. I have. Oh, how I have. Everyday forced to admit more faults in my character, forced to face the consequences of wanting just one more fuck, one more hit, one more shot...Waking up in the morning to find out life hasn’t changed and its your fault. " Why? " someone may ask. Why would a person do things that got them nowhere? Following the same goddahm path that thousands of other people have fallen on. Knowing the consequences of saying "To hell with this". Why indeed.... why. BECAUSE wouldn’t it be so much better to do it high? Wouldn’t the moment feel extra special if you were only drunk? Won’t you feel extraordinary when you wake up and say, “ I fucked that one, that one, that one…”? In the end is it ever worth it? Do I EVER wake up proud because of how I let another guy debase me? I wake up FUCKED. FUCKED in the ass. FUCKED in the brain. FUCKED in life. And I remain FUCKED. Because I’ve FUCKED everything up with all this FUCKING and I never stop because I think “ It’ll feel better after one more hit, one more shot, one more fuck….” And I’ve done it again………I’m so sorry Jack.