lol
wow, yesterday kinda sorta sucked. half of it sucked anyway, and i feel like jose and i wasted one of the few days when we could have actually seen each other for more than like 5 minutes at a time.
he was being...well boring, in the morning so i went off with kelsey (lol, i snuck off hee hee) and she smelled like smoke ....i didn't care, i wanted a cigarette, so she and i went to the bus stop and had a cigarette...
then i get this weird feeling that i'm being watched so i turn around and on the top of the hill is jose...and to make matters worse, the exact moment i turned around i was exhaling....so i basically blew smoke in his face (he was far though!!)...it was weird...his face dropped and i turned around and just sighed and told kelsey "oops, i'm in trouble"
so...for the entire TAKS test ( we always have the same room...it kinda goes when you're Zapata and Zavala) he didn't even look at me, that's how completely....disappointed? angry?...he was. then at "A" lunch he didn't talk to me..he said he would have if he had seen me..i don't know if i believe him though seeing as how i was with josh and them who were like 50 ft away from him and they all saw him....whatever, (and since everyone i know skipped...lol...)i went up to him at "B" lunch and we talked...he told me what i already knew...that it wasn't the actual act of smoking that upset him, but the fact that i had promised him i wouldn't and i broke that promise.
so...yeah...i dunno...i suppose i just have to you know, get that trust back...he said it's not that he doesn't trust me now, but that i did hurt him with that, and i know that...i just...it's just that sometimes i think i basically live off of him and this relationship...like i spend way too much time thinking about it, and so yesterday not only did i do something i'd wanted to for a long time, but i had this sense of being just me again. just samantha, not samantha-in-love-with-jose. ya know?
today was pretty good...things seems like they're fine...i feel a little weird...some part of me ( and i know this is all very psychological) some part of me smoked not even b/c i REALLY wanted to, but just b/c it's something he absolutely didn't want me to do...it was a rebellion thing...i know that probably sounds weird and all, but i think that's part of it, like i said, it was me being me and doing something purely selfish...i dunno
anyway...w/e
ttyl ^_^
he was being...well boring, in the morning so i went off with kelsey (lol, i snuck off hee hee) and she smelled like smoke ....i didn't care, i wanted a cigarette, so she and i went to the bus stop and had a cigarette...
then i get this weird feeling that i'm being watched so i turn around and on the top of the hill is jose...and to make matters worse, the exact moment i turned around i was exhaling....so i basically blew smoke in his face (he was far though!!)...it was weird...his face dropped and i turned around and just sighed and told kelsey "oops, i'm in trouble"
so...for the entire TAKS test ( we always have the same room...it kinda goes when you're Zapata and Zavala) he didn't even look at me, that's how completely....disappointed? angry?...he was. then at "A" lunch he didn't talk to me..he said he would have if he had seen me..i don't know if i believe him though seeing as how i was with josh and them who were like 50 ft away from him and they all saw him....whatever, (and since everyone i know skipped...lol...)i went up to him at "B" lunch and we talked...he told me what i already knew...that it wasn't the actual act of smoking that upset him, but the fact that i had promised him i wouldn't and i broke that promise.
so...yeah...i dunno...i suppose i just have to you know, get that trust back...he said it's not that he doesn't trust me now, but that i did hurt him with that, and i know that...i just...it's just that sometimes i think i basically live off of him and this relationship...like i spend way too much time thinking about it, and so yesterday not only did i do something i'd wanted to for a long time, but i had this sense of being just me again. just samantha, not samantha-in-love-with-jose. ya know?
today was pretty good...things seems like they're fine...i feel a little weird...some part of me ( and i know this is all very psychological) some part of me smoked not even b/c i REALLY wanted to, but just b/c it's something he absolutely didn't want me to do...it was a rebellion thing...i know that probably sounds weird and all, but i think that's part of it, like i said, it was me being me and doing something purely selfish...i dunno
anyway...w/e
ttyl ^_^