the art of drowning in holy water
Fuck Christmas. I've about had it with this place, there is nothing and no one here for me. Everyone here has a bit or piece of something, but no one is complete. This is the longest I've been without someone I can just connect with. Honestly, I can name one person I could connect quite well with, but its missing that crucial sexual chemistry.
Fucking damnit. So let me tell the lot of you what I'm doing this Christmas. I am sitting alone, not in the dark because I don't feel like going to turn out the lights, drinking talking to Rachel via AIM. We're not talking, we're arguing. I want her to go to college because I don't want to see her throw away her life. Why the fuck must I feel responsible for others? Those sort of feelings are not for the real world. They are for an ideal world, or for idealistic christians, or whoever the fuck. Why am I inheriently good? Why do I have to have a fucking heart? If the only people I love and connect with are completely heartless, why can't I just be one in the same? I want to give up on her.
I want her back, and I'd do anything.
Fucking damnit. So let me tell the lot of you what I'm doing this Christmas. I am sitting alone, not in the dark because I don't feel like going to turn out the lights, drinking talking to Rachel via AIM. We're not talking, we're arguing. I want her to go to college because I don't want to see her throw away her life. Why the fuck must I feel responsible for others? Those sort of feelings are not for the real world. They are for an ideal world, or for idealistic christians, or whoever the fuck. Why am I inheriently good? Why do I have to have a fucking heart? If the only people I love and connect with are completely heartless, why can't I just be one in the same? I want to give up on her.
I want her back, and I'd do anything.