read a book: Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller
i have this thought, this image of what my disease looks like. a visual of why i don't function right, why i feel like i can't follow jesus, or have any real conviction about the bible or God or jesus' teachings.
i picture a simpler version of my heart, beating and pulsing with life and love and energy. my heart, kind of glowing with the light from my soul (stay with me, i know this sounds so cliche). and then i picture this demon. kind of a small, gangly form of a gargoyle, with claws that have been sunken into the flesh of my heart so long that its nearly a part of me now. and this black demon is, like, sucking the energy and vigor and life from me just as soon as i'm producing it. i only have enough energy left to care about myself.
i envision myself now grasping the demon in my fist and desperately trying to wrench him from his parasitic attachment. it is an inner struggle and it all feels downhill, but i pray that someday God will rescue me from my one-sided religious views and free me so i can learn just to love people...all people, and not feel the need to sell Jesus as an obligation of my faith. i would like to try following jesus in a real way. just by loving people and accepting them and helping them whenever i can. not because i feel i have to dish out charity but because i truly like them, just as jesus likes them, loves them.
i picture a simpler version of my heart, beating and pulsing with life and love and energy. my heart, kind of glowing with the light from my soul (stay with me, i know this sounds so cliche). and then i picture this demon. kind of a small, gangly form of a gargoyle, with claws that have been sunken into the flesh of my heart so long that its nearly a part of me now. and this black demon is, like, sucking the energy and vigor and life from me just as soon as i'm producing it. i only have enough energy left to care about myself.
i envision myself now grasping the demon in my fist and desperately trying to wrench him from his parasitic attachment. it is an inner struggle and it all feels downhill, but i pray that someday God will rescue me from my one-sided religious views and free me so i can learn just to love people...all people, and not feel the need to sell Jesus as an obligation of my faith. i would like to try following jesus in a real way. just by loving people and accepting them and helping them whenever i can. not because i feel i have to dish out charity but because i truly like them, just as jesus likes them, loves them.