Excerpts.
Yeah OK I know I said it would be my last entry in sicksanguine, but I lied. Just can't tear myself away. We finally got the Ethernet working in the building, so internet for all! My roomate is down the hall in the kitchen with all her friends making a horrible racket, it's after 2 in the morning already. So I know that going to bed will be completely futile considering she's just going to wake me up whenever she comes back in.
Things have been going quite well for me since I've been here. You can read my adventures from the other journal under this here cut, I figured it's not that personal, there's no reason everyone shouldn't be able to read it.
First update from school!
Things are going very well. My parents left today, and honestly...it just felt right. My mom was crying her eyes out, and all my dad said was things like "make friends and be smart". I'll spare you the gristly details of move-in day, let's just say it was chaotic and sweaty amd I am so glad it's over. I'm nicely settled into my room now, and my roomate is great. Her friends are a little dopey though.
Last night I hung out with Jonathan from Dairy Queen for a little while, he's a student here too. We got some dinner and wandered around campus, then went back to my room and watched the Olympics on TV for a little while.
Beta Hall (where I live) doesn't have its ethernet connection up yet, so I had to trek down to the Student Union to bring you this quality update. It sucks, but it was good getting out of the room for a little while. Nights on campus are fairly quiet, and there's really nothing to do except put on a good movie and leave your door open, hoping someone pops in.
After my parents left today I took the bus to the mall, where I bought a pair of pants from Od Navy with the gift certificate our neighbors got me for graduation. The mall here is great, it's similar in size and store selection to the Florida Mall, so no complaints. I felt like Miss Independent, taking the bus and exploring on my own. I'd say I'm off to a very healthy start. I've already met like 15 people from my building alone. Last night I wandered down the hall in my PJ's to brush my teeth at around midnight and got complimented on my pig slippers.
The girl across the hall asked to borrow my scissors about 3 times last night, and I've pretty much talked to everyone else at least once. Everyone is very friendly. It's such a change from high school, where I got the sinking feeling (constantly) that everyone hated each other. Here, we have to band together to make it work.
So here are some valuable college tips I've already learned:
1. Don't eat the cherry tomatoes from the salad bar in the cafeteria.
2. The best tried-and-true way to meet people: have food handy. College people are like bloodhounds, and when they are starving and bored, they can smell a pizza two floors below them.
3. The university never sleeps. If you're an insomniac, chances are there's a lonely kid down the hall playing Diablo or watching "Cosby Show" reruns. This kid will become your best friend.
4. When you're bored, playing some good music with your room door open will surely draw others to your room like the Pied Piper drew rats. Instant popularity.
And just think, I learned all this after only one night at school. Since there's no internet in my room as of yet, pictures and other goodies will come later. For now, I should walk back to the room before it gets too late.
Hope this holds you all over until next time.
Still talking to Jerry every single night. Things are starting to come to a head, it seems. We're both getting more and more desperate, and our words on the phone have turned into the sappy romance novel I thought I would never read. And here I am, living it. Pssh. He's scared, and I'm scared. I never told him how scared I was until tonight, because I think before tonight, he didn't realize that I'm just as afraid as he is.
I told him I just didn't want to be hurt again. I told him I couldn't let myself be so blind and stupid ever again. But of course now I know there are no promises. That's the knowledge that I walked away from Aidan with.
HOLY SHIT, now they have the stereo on. The bass is pumping through the concrete block.
Anyway so we're doing good. I'm sure none of you are really that interested in how me and Jerry are doing, but I need a place to talk. So lucky you. The confusing thing is that we're not technically "together", or committed to each other, but the funny thing is that neither of us wants anyone else. How many boys have crossed my path in the past 48 hours? Too many to count. How many have I looked at in a sexual context? Absolutely none, for the first time in my life I can say I'm completely content. Content with someone 1,000 miles away, that's the final irony. But I trust him, and it feels ok to trust him. I thought I wasn't going to be able to trust anyone for a long long time, but we're going on 3 years of knowing each other, so I guess it makes sense. He just has this way about him. He has those sad eyes and that desperate voice.
But I've never done the distance thing. I never thought I could but I know that he is something amazing, and he could be what I have been craving. I feel like I'm searching for something in the dark. I don't quite know what I'm doing. I already sent him 2 letters in the mail, and he's sending me an old, beat-up, notes-in-the-margin copy of "Lolita", just because he found it at Goodwill and knows it's a favorite of mine. He's perfect. And I don't want to set myself up to get hurt. I really don't. But there's just a feeling I have that tells me that he is different. If what I have with him ever comes to some kind of screeching halt, I will mourn because I don't know that I will ever find someone who fits me so perfectly. The sex part is just an afterthought with him, we even talked about that last night. All we do is talk. About anything, for hours. It never gets old, and we never run out of things to discuss. Because he's so passionate about life, and his opinions, and things that someone else would consider arbitary, he could build an entire conversation on. And it keeps me laughing well into the night.
I bought a minature Buddha today at this store in the mall. They had a bunch of them symbolizing different things, and I bought the one that symbolizes wisdom. He's sitting right in front of my monitor now, perpetually laughing, perpetually well-fed. All I've really eaten since I've been here was salads and fruit I swipe from the cafeteria...well wait scratch that, I had BBQ chicken pizza for breakfast this morning, welcome to college, right? I take the stairs both up and down in my building, because the elevator is ungodly slow. I sweat about 6 gallons just walking back and forth across campus. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the infamous Freshman 15 will be reversed for me, because honestly, I can't afford to gain any more weight. Only because I'm a Poor College Student and can't buy any more clothes. The pants I got at Old Navy today are fabulous though, they fit perfectly, and I'm proud, because if I can go out by myself and buy pants that fit me, I'm set for life.
I just read back over the entry and it makes me feel so excited with where things are headed. I passed some time tonight reading my Psych textbook. Of course I already knew everything, pssh. I have to get to the Office of the Registrar tomorrow before they close for the weekend, because allegedly they don't have my AP records that say I can bypass General Psych.
Doing those types of things on my own is such a rush. I really get excited about it. I get excited about planning my own schedule, and my own life. I can set up my corner of the room any way I want, it doesn't matter. I can change my clothes 3 times during the day just because I feel grimy. If I want to go somewhere, I pull out the map of the bus routes and I could go all over Tampa if I really wanted to, at any time of the day. I bought one of those accordion portfolios and labeled the sections "Money Records/Receipts", "General Info", and "Academic". I have a checking account now, and my student ID doubles as an ATM. I'm managing my own money. I'm cleaning up after myself. I'm taking out the trash. If I want to put on David Bowie and dance all the way down the hall to the bathroom in my Weinermobile pajama pants, I can! I make the decisions, I wear the damn Weinermobile pajama pants. I own my life. I'm finally seeing who I really am after filtering out the other influences. It's beautiful and fascinating to watch myself grow up. And there will be so much more happening in the future.
This entry has gotten out of hand, I might as well go to bed. It sounds like the person on the floor above us is running laps in their room. What the hell? Why isn't anyone in bed?
Pictures of my room will be here tomorrow, I promise. Goodnight for now.
XOXO
Alex
Things have been going quite well for me since I've been here. You can read my adventures from the other journal under this here cut, I figured it's not that personal, there's no reason everyone shouldn't be able to read it.
First update from school!
Things are going very well. My parents left today, and honestly...it just felt right. My mom was crying her eyes out, and all my dad said was things like "make friends and be smart". I'll spare you the gristly details of move-in day, let's just say it was chaotic and sweaty amd I am so glad it's over. I'm nicely settled into my room now, and my roomate is great. Her friends are a little dopey though.
Last night I hung out with Jonathan from Dairy Queen for a little while, he's a student here too. We got some dinner and wandered around campus, then went back to my room and watched the Olympics on TV for a little while.
Beta Hall (where I live) doesn't have its ethernet connection up yet, so I had to trek down to the Student Union to bring you this quality update. It sucks, but it was good getting out of the room for a little while. Nights on campus are fairly quiet, and there's really nothing to do except put on a good movie and leave your door open, hoping someone pops in.
After my parents left today I took the bus to the mall, where I bought a pair of pants from Od Navy with the gift certificate our neighbors got me for graduation. The mall here is great, it's similar in size and store selection to the Florida Mall, so no complaints. I felt like Miss Independent, taking the bus and exploring on my own. I'd say I'm off to a very healthy start. I've already met like 15 people from my building alone. Last night I wandered down the hall in my PJ's to brush my teeth at around midnight and got complimented on my pig slippers.
The girl across the hall asked to borrow my scissors about 3 times last night, and I've pretty much talked to everyone else at least once. Everyone is very friendly. It's such a change from high school, where I got the sinking feeling (constantly) that everyone hated each other. Here, we have to band together to make it work.
So here are some valuable college tips I've already learned:
1. Don't eat the cherry tomatoes from the salad bar in the cafeteria.
2. The best tried-and-true way to meet people: have food handy. College people are like bloodhounds, and when they are starving and bored, they can smell a pizza two floors below them.
3. The university never sleeps. If you're an insomniac, chances are there's a lonely kid down the hall playing Diablo or watching "Cosby Show" reruns. This kid will become your best friend.
4. When you're bored, playing some good music with your room door open will surely draw others to your room like the Pied Piper drew rats. Instant popularity.
And just think, I learned all this after only one night at school. Since there's no internet in my room as of yet, pictures and other goodies will come later. For now, I should walk back to the room before it gets too late.
Hope this holds you all over until next time.
Still talking to Jerry every single night. Things are starting to come to a head, it seems. We're both getting more and more desperate, and our words on the phone have turned into the sappy romance novel I thought I would never read. And here I am, living it. Pssh. He's scared, and I'm scared. I never told him how scared I was until tonight, because I think before tonight, he didn't realize that I'm just as afraid as he is.
I told him I just didn't want to be hurt again. I told him I couldn't let myself be so blind and stupid ever again. But of course now I know there are no promises. That's the knowledge that I walked away from Aidan with.
HOLY SHIT, now they have the stereo on. The bass is pumping through the concrete block.
Anyway so we're doing good. I'm sure none of you are really that interested in how me and Jerry are doing, but I need a place to talk. So lucky you. The confusing thing is that we're not technically "together", or committed to each other, but the funny thing is that neither of us wants anyone else. How many boys have crossed my path in the past 48 hours? Too many to count. How many have I looked at in a sexual context? Absolutely none, for the first time in my life I can say I'm completely content. Content with someone 1,000 miles away, that's the final irony. But I trust him, and it feels ok to trust him. I thought I wasn't going to be able to trust anyone for a long long time, but we're going on 3 years of knowing each other, so I guess it makes sense. He just has this way about him. He has those sad eyes and that desperate voice.
But I've never done the distance thing. I never thought I could but I know that he is something amazing, and he could be what I have been craving. I feel like I'm searching for something in the dark. I don't quite know what I'm doing. I already sent him 2 letters in the mail, and he's sending me an old, beat-up, notes-in-the-margin copy of "Lolita", just because he found it at Goodwill and knows it's a favorite of mine. He's perfect. And I don't want to set myself up to get hurt. I really don't. But there's just a feeling I have that tells me that he is different. If what I have with him ever comes to some kind of screeching halt, I will mourn because I don't know that I will ever find someone who fits me so perfectly. The sex part is just an afterthought with him, we even talked about that last night. All we do is talk. About anything, for hours. It never gets old, and we never run out of things to discuss. Because he's so passionate about life, and his opinions, and things that someone else would consider arbitary, he could build an entire conversation on. And it keeps me laughing well into the night.
I bought a minature Buddha today at this store in the mall. They had a bunch of them symbolizing different things, and I bought the one that symbolizes wisdom. He's sitting right in front of my monitor now, perpetually laughing, perpetually well-fed. All I've really eaten since I've been here was salads and fruit I swipe from the cafeteria...well wait scratch that, I had BBQ chicken pizza for breakfast this morning, welcome to college, right? I take the stairs both up and down in my building, because the elevator is ungodly slow. I sweat about 6 gallons just walking back and forth across campus. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the infamous Freshman 15 will be reversed for me, because honestly, I can't afford to gain any more weight. Only because I'm a Poor College Student and can't buy any more clothes. The pants I got at Old Navy today are fabulous though, they fit perfectly, and I'm proud, because if I can go out by myself and buy pants that fit me, I'm set for life.
I just read back over the entry and it makes me feel so excited with where things are headed. I passed some time tonight reading my Psych textbook. Of course I already knew everything, pssh. I have to get to the Office of the Registrar tomorrow before they close for the weekend, because allegedly they don't have my AP records that say I can bypass General Psych.
Doing those types of things on my own is such a rush. I really get excited about it. I get excited about planning my own schedule, and my own life. I can set up my corner of the room any way I want, it doesn't matter. I can change my clothes 3 times during the day just because I feel grimy. If I want to go somewhere, I pull out the map of the bus routes and I could go all over Tampa if I really wanted to, at any time of the day. I bought one of those accordion portfolios and labeled the sections "Money Records/Receipts", "General Info", and "Academic". I have a checking account now, and my student ID doubles as an ATM. I'm managing my own money. I'm cleaning up after myself. I'm taking out the trash. If I want to put on David Bowie and dance all the way down the hall to the bathroom in my Weinermobile pajama pants, I can! I make the decisions, I wear the damn Weinermobile pajama pants. I own my life. I'm finally seeing who I really am after filtering out the other influences. It's beautiful and fascinating to watch myself grow up. And there will be so much more happening in the future.
This entry has gotten out of hand, I might as well go to bed. It sounds like the person on the floor above us is running laps in their room. What the hell? Why isn't anyone in bed?
Pictures of my room will be here tomorrow, I promise. Goodnight for now.
XOXO
Alex