no one should feel this alone
It's been some time now, hasn't it?
Zach has been dead for over a year, and although the pain is still there, it is buried deep and no longer tears at my heart. I can talk about him with dry eyes, and separate the memories from what could have been. That's recovery, I believe. I think the final acceptance came when I saw his name on that stone in Ruidoso and told him my final goodbye. It pounded it into my head that he is really gone, and nothing I can do will ever bring him back. I had to move on with my life and quit mourning, because although Zach would have loved the attention, I don't think he would want us to suffer overmuch.
I have graduated college, and I am taking a year and a half off before going to graduate school somewhere in the fall of 2010. I am thinking about Peterbourough, Ontario, Albequerque, or Tucson. Who knows? I haven't really even started the application process, except for taking my GRE, which I didn't do half badly on.
I'm dating a man in Austin named Chad, and I haven't felt this way about someone since I met Matt so many years ago. It's an adult kind of fascination, a healthy obsession, if you will. We see each other on the weekends, and although we have been sleeping together for a month, I still do not consider him my boyfriend. I'm waiting for him to bring those words up, and until then I can keep doing what I'm doing. He treats me like a queen, and we have a lot of fun together. I think in this case, I should wait it out to see what happens. He does not seem like the kind of man to be pushed into something. Plus, for that pretty face I'm willing to wait as long as needed.
Overall, things are copacetic. Happy enough, if poor. And really, isn't that all that matters?
Zach has been dead for over a year, and although the pain is still there, it is buried deep and no longer tears at my heart. I can talk about him with dry eyes, and separate the memories from what could have been. That's recovery, I believe. I think the final acceptance came when I saw his name on that stone in Ruidoso and told him my final goodbye. It pounded it into my head that he is really gone, and nothing I can do will ever bring him back. I had to move on with my life and quit mourning, because although Zach would have loved the attention, I don't think he would want us to suffer overmuch.
I have graduated college, and I am taking a year and a half off before going to graduate school somewhere in the fall of 2010. I am thinking about Peterbourough, Ontario, Albequerque, or Tucson. Who knows? I haven't really even started the application process, except for taking my GRE, which I didn't do half badly on.
I'm dating a man in Austin named Chad, and I haven't felt this way about someone since I met Matt so many years ago. It's an adult kind of fascination, a healthy obsession, if you will. We see each other on the weekends, and although we have been sleeping together for a month, I still do not consider him my boyfriend. I'm waiting for him to bring those words up, and until then I can keep doing what I'm doing. He treats me like a queen, and we have a lot of fun together. I think in this case, I should wait it out to see what happens. He does not seem like the kind of man to be pushed into something. Plus, for that pretty face I'm willing to wait as long as needed.
Overall, things are copacetic. Happy enough, if poor. And really, isn't that all that matters?