when my world is pieced together...everyone i love falls apart.
my brother and family are moving to arkansas....another part f his life that matches mine, and hes reacting just as i was scared to death he would. he cant handle it, i left on my own hes being forced.....he needs people even more than i do..and hes leaving his girlfriend, who he loves the one person holding his already fragile self together, i know the "parents" are trying to do the right thing but its like they are trying to push him as far as possible before he breaks which will be soon. i cant even talk to him and smile, every message i get is sad and depressed and suicidal....im worried...i know the pain...i know the way he will handle it..and i dont want him to go to the places i have been. the dark corner in his mind where he will shut out everything and hurt himself mentally and physically. i know he hasnt smiled in weeks, and it hurts so much to not be there to help him smile. i want him to be happy...but i cant help him be happy...because i was stupid and made myself have to work my ass off to survive and i cant even buy a bus ticket to protect my brother. he not the only one falling apart, my heart is being pulled in so many directions, im about to lose a close friend who is moving and i know it wont be the same. im about to have to choose whether to stop talking to someone who once was my best freind, and my cousin had her first heartbreak, and im the only one she has to help her mend it....i was smiling this morning going to my blockbuster interview(no the other place never called me) i was happy i was growing up but i was brought back to harsh reality. i had a great day before i got the text from my brother that almost made me cry infront of brian, who i almost cried in front of 5 times tonight. its amazing how much we bonded, i told him more than iv told most...it was crazy, hes a really GREAT friend, talking made me happy it was a good ending to the day...but i forgot the day dosent end at 11oclock...i just want for once for me and everyone around me or at LEAST most around me to be happy at the same time. but, happyness is impossible in a world like this, thats something me and brian talked about tonight,among many others.