(no subject)
it feels like i cant do anything right. it seems like every other day im pissing her off or we're fighting about something i did or didnt do. i think i may just be relationship retarded. i do things that i think are ok or not a big deal and i end up pissing her off and then she'll explain it to me in a way that i would'v never thought about it and it turns out im being a horrible, selfish person and i dont understand why i dont automaticly think that way?! im sure she would say its because im "not ready" for a serious relationship and i dont think anything i could say to her would convince her otherwise. iv never been the kind of person who wanted to date alot of people or "play the field" (not that my available options were that great but they were there) i found the thought of sleeping around to be discusting, i have nothing against sex infact i think sex is one of the best fucking things in the world but i dont see reason to fuck (almost) everyone you come across. i never actually thought i would find someone to spend the rest of my life with, i hoped, and figured that if i was going to find that person that i would have to go threw a number of ohers to get to them. i luckily only had to go threw one person. it was a rediculously horrible person, and i made a lot of mistakes with that whole situation, alot of regrets. but thats what i'v always wanted......to love and be with someone forever. and thats what i have now but the way im going i really dont think shes going to stay with me forever.