This is another Woe-to-me entry. Dont like it, don't read the LJ.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow how you just don't belong,
and no one understands you?
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears you screaming.
No, you don't know what it's like.
When nothing feels alright.
You don't know what its like to be like me
To feel hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when your down
To feel like you've been pushed around.
To be on the edge of breaking down,
and no one there to save you.
No, you don't know what its like....WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!
Don't get me wrong. Its not that I don't appreciate the empathy from people. Really. But you don't know what it's like. You're not the ones who moved 400 miles away from everything that is important to you and sit here all weekend a fucking mess because your absolutely alone and everyone else, including whats most important to you, has just about everything. not even the physcial sense. in the emotional. social. every other sense. You didn't uproot yourself from for your families, your friends, your sign. others, your husbands (except dear kathy), wives, kids, whatever, and try to deal with this stress. So as hard as you think you have it, you don't. So don't tell me you know how i'm feeling when you've left nothing behind. Don't tell me how hard it is for you, when your husband/boyfriend/mom cooks you dinner and you get to see them every night. Don't tell me how hard it is for you, how alone you feel when you haven't left anything. Sorry I'm not really feeling sympathetic for ANYONE tonight.
This is probably the worst mood of my life. I just want to SCREAM at everyone about everything. And I have been, at least a little. Sure I'm completely and absolutely alone, on the verge of a massive breakdown, go out w/_________. ive basically been crying and screaming at everything, throwing things, since around 4. and off course little "misunderstandings" make things worse, as does certain people's currently company. ive been so mad and upset that ive puked up basically my entire GI tract. ive already had 2 asthma attacks and and 3rd is on its way. good thing i got my fucking inhaler refilled. maybe i should just get myself really drunk. at least then i could entertain myself and maybe pass out into a black oblivion for a while.
this snow shit better stop soon. i cannot be stuck here much longer. this school shit better stop soon too. i cannot be here much long. i don't know i'm supposed to last until "maybe" august, let alone august 2006. and i wont be. its like i said before.....august or before or im done. because i can't take this anymore.
sorry i tried to like it here, i really did. but thanks to a blizzard and being being allowed to be completly alone with her throughts for the last 24 hours, plus probably the next 24 at least....i'm back to absolutely hating it here. because im utterly and completely alone.