The blazing eye....We can't stop here!! THIS IS BAT COUNTRY!
Its come to my attention that you learn alot about yourself when you move (such as how much small town life can completely demoralize a person)...I finally get it. I realized this last nite upon going back to germantown. I was glad to see some people, but really realized how cold and empty most off these people are when and only are to find solace in a bottle. Living like that is what made me so cold and empty. Is this maybe all just me? I just got the feeling last nite at the party, walking around. No one knew what was going on or cared about anything. I guess if these people have found their place its one thing, but otherwise it just seems to be a bunch of people crawling through day to day with nothing but their alcohal keeping them "sane". I had a few good conversations i guess. Still something irks me...something about that place turns me into an animal that i don't like. Am I selling out?!....or just finding all that i really wanted here? Maybe I'm just jelous because i guess i don't have this certain smoothness, that charisma that really allows for people to break loose and get wild. I'm always worrying about something...even if i'm stoned. At least; around THERE i am.
I didn't even get to hang with tony or any of my closest people, it kinda bummed me out. Those are the old times I enjoy. Why the fuck do i feel so cheap right now? Theres only a few things right now that heal me...and I can't...or I have myself convinced I can't have any of the cures, none of the ones i really want anyway. Maybe I just sell myself short. Another thing, why is it when I find something or do something good for myself I either squander it or find out that its not what I thought it would be. The things and people i do find....i just end up being subjugated by them....HOLY SHIT, THATS IT....HOLY FUCK...THATS THE ANSWER I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. Euphoric Epiphany, now I shall adjourn for a shower. The question is...am I still stoned or is this my usual bloody self consiousness?
I didn't even get to hang with tony or any of my closest people, it kinda bummed me out. Those are the old times I enjoy. Why the fuck do i feel so cheap right now? Theres only a few things right now that heal me...and I can't...or I have myself convinced I can't have any of the cures, none of the ones i really want anyway. Maybe I just sell myself short. Another thing, why is it when I find something or do something good for myself I either squander it or find out that its not what I thought it would be. The things and people i do find....i just end up being subjugated by them....HOLY SHIT, THATS IT....HOLY FUCK...THATS THE ANSWER I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. Euphoric Epiphany, now I shall adjourn for a shower. The question is...am I still stoned or is this my usual bloody self consiousness?