i am not trying to dramatize all this....

[siberian_iris]

but in the past few months, i've been thinking that my alone-ness seems karmic. i wonder, WHY was i born into a family that is so emotionally fucked up & afraid of intimacy? what is the karmic reason??? could there be a reason that my soul CHOSE this family? and that i'm destined to struggle with overcoming this alone-ness?

hmm, maybe i shouldn't assume there's a reason. especially because that makes things seem more painful than if it's all completely random.

yeah. assuming there's a reason just doesn't seem to help me at all.