i think about you every fucking day

[siatal]

i thought about you today.
it's just like every other day.
and it's just that every other relationship pales.
you fucking consume me

and there are times i can control my dreams,
and in those i control everything we had.
despite all of your objections.
and in that time i think about our hikes.
i think about our whiskey and coke nights,
in the snow as we made a quick drive to taco bell,
once as we struggled through the snow banks. ..
you told me you wanted to kiss my ear. ..
but that moment had passed before i could ever even comprehend what you had said. ...
and it seemed only moments later you destroyed my dorm room. ..
then you destroyed my heart.
and i yours.

it was just us. ..
for years it was just fucking us. ..
hiking, and camping, and finishing each others sentences, and then a fight where you smashed and trashed my plants
and then my heart

but you were the critic. ..
and everything we could have been was lost to that