two times in one night
i spent the late afternoon and evening neglecting my academics and surprising my boyfriend from a three week international trip at sfo. exotic flowers, borrowed car and perfect intentions only to almost loose control of the car on 101 as someone whos not very good at paying attention to their immediate surroundings moved into my lane. i over compensated into the opposite lane where thankfully the car behind me noticed and dropped behind quickly and roomingly. when i noticed that car in the rearview (it was white) i over-over compensated and swerved towards the opposite lane, that is the lane that began this high-speed chain reaction in the first place. the pendulum (at 60+mph) had started and it took six swings from this lane to that. from that lane to this. and i had a thought that we were going to flip for sure. and that is what it feels like to loose control.
not far from that dream mind you.
and so the borrowed car is returned, greetings greeted and im on my bike ride home, waiting at the light at broderick and oak when someone just at bad at driving took a sharp turn onto broderick, quickly and looking the other way. he hits my bike just as i jump off of it and yell something i hardly remember. its amazing how fast adrenaline is released and travels throughout the body for not only an autonomic reaction but a lack of intelligent reaction. he blamed me for being in the middle of the road, i yelled back for not making a wider turn. and as he sped off i glanced at his license plate (it began with an m and had an 8 and 3) and slowly (in comparison) pondered my options. my camera was at my shoulder pocket of my crome bag, i could have easily ran after him and snapped a picture. a guy carrying groceries followed by his girl half crossed the street to ask if i had just been hit, implying such masculine concern that i had suddenly thought i was the girl by his side. i was so confused by the situation and more by the adrenaline that i said, no he only hit my bike and thanked him as best as i could as i picked up my bike and tried to make sense of it all.
i rode home consumed by thoughts of how fucking cruel this world is, where people are more concerned with saving face than the well being of the person they just hit with their speeding car. and most of the time, this shit makes me want to cry. and most of the time i cry. what kind of world do we live in where a 14 year old can commit suicide. thats not rhetorical by the way, it happened. and here we are, left in the world that it happened in. who the fuck are we. we should be ashamed of ourselves.
not far from that dream mind you.
and so the borrowed car is returned, greetings greeted and im on my bike ride home, waiting at the light at broderick and oak when someone just at bad at driving took a sharp turn onto broderick, quickly and looking the other way. he hits my bike just as i jump off of it and yell something i hardly remember. its amazing how fast adrenaline is released and travels throughout the body for not only an autonomic reaction but a lack of intelligent reaction. he blamed me for being in the middle of the road, i yelled back for not making a wider turn. and as he sped off i glanced at his license plate (it began with an m and had an 8 and 3) and slowly (in comparison) pondered my options. my camera was at my shoulder pocket of my crome bag, i could have easily ran after him and snapped a picture. a guy carrying groceries followed by his girl half crossed the street to ask if i had just been hit, implying such masculine concern that i had suddenly thought i was the girl by his side. i was so confused by the situation and more by the adrenaline that i said, no he only hit my bike and thanked him as best as i could as i picked up my bike and tried to make sense of it all.
i rode home consumed by thoughts of how fucking cruel this world is, where people are more concerned with saving face than the well being of the person they just hit with their speeding car. and most of the time, this shit makes me want to cry. and most of the time i cry. what kind of world do we live in where a 14 year old can commit suicide. thats not rhetorical by the way, it happened. and here we are, left in the world that it happened in. who the fuck are we. we should be ashamed of ourselves.