three pieces of me
i find myself in a strange mood this past week or so. one of conflicting nostalgia, conflicting feelings and a clearly bleak outlook. its difficult to see some sort of end to whatever i think i may be doing with my life. whatever journey this leads to, is it even worth all this fret and then more importantly where is it im trying to go and/or be.
and so this time last year i was quite a mess. when i had presented my heart in all its glory. ... in all its beauty. ... in all its vulnerability. ... in a rare appearance. and it was handed back to me in three pieces, all the while pretending thats how it came all along. all the while, pretending i had somehow mattered the least of us three. ignoring i had come offering the most of us, ignoring i had something you two lacked. and that something is still here. something you now miss. something you broke. something you somehow have thought all this time, you have some sort of right to at whatever whim youve arrived at. and that whim has somehow got you calling these days. as if everything was how it was in the beginning. as if the night i walked out of twin peaks holding those three pieces in an emotional mess for the whole world to see. and here you are. and here i am, suddenly doing my best to fend you off behind some vague excuse of homework or something. funny how all the wash comes out. well if by funny i mean tragic. and by wash, i mean how the roles have flipped from this side to that.
but heres something youll probably never get. something youll just continue to miss no matter how loud im whispering. no matter how quiet i scream. im not here anymore, the pieces were here for you, once before, when they werent pieces, but theyre pieces now and more importantly im not here. we are not here for you. not now, not anymore. everything has changed, regardless of how many wishes and dreams i used up on you two. on us three. none of them worked. .. as if wishes and dreams made any difference in the first place. but here we are and us and three will never be in the same sentence again
and so this time last year i was quite a mess. when i had presented my heart in all its glory. ... in all its beauty. ... in all its vulnerability. ... in a rare appearance. and it was handed back to me in three pieces, all the while pretending thats how it came all along. all the while, pretending i had somehow mattered the least of us three. ignoring i had come offering the most of us, ignoring i had something you two lacked. and that something is still here. something you now miss. something you broke. something you somehow have thought all this time, you have some sort of right to at whatever whim youve arrived at. and that whim has somehow got you calling these days. as if everything was how it was in the beginning. as if the night i walked out of twin peaks holding those three pieces in an emotional mess for the whole world to see. and here you are. and here i am, suddenly doing my best to fend you off behind some vague excuse of homework or something. funny how all the wash comes out. well if by funny i mean tragic. and by wash, i mean how the roles have flipped from this side to that.
but heres something youll probably never get. something youll just continue to miss no matter how loud im whispering. no matter how quiet i scream. im not here anymore, the pieces were here for you, once before, when they werent pieces, but theyre pieces now and more importantly im not here. we are not here for you. not now, not anymore. everything has changed, regardless of how many wishes and dreams i used up on you two. on us three. none of them worked. .. as if wishes and dreams made any difference in the first place. but here we are and us and three will never be in the same sentence again