glad I found you
Hello. I have been in Overeaters Anonymous for over 30 years and I am grateful for the priceless and plentiful recovery there. It was there in my first 4th/5th step that I first shared my story of incest. It was the first time I told anyone, the first time I said it out loud. I knew I had been molested by my grandfather at age 12 or 13 but I didn't want to be someone who had been molested so I never spoke of it even to myself. I began to understand at a fairly surface level the safety of the extra weight and the lack of clarity and boundaries in dealing with boys and then men. I saw for the first time my disconnect with my body and why going to doctors and dentists was particularly frightening. I went to two 12 step survivor meetings about 20 years ago. I got the book that was recommended. I read the first 30 pages at most and experienced many feelings when I did. Most seemed to be arousal which I felt odd and possibly shame about and it is here today that I can share that and pretty much feel like it would be understood.Time passed and I noticed that I had never returned to the book or the meetings. Interestingly, I would share with friends that my house was so organized my shelves and cupboards in such a pleasing order except for my office closet. My office closet was lined with shelves on both sides and by now a huge stack of all kinds of things filled the center of the closet almost to the ceiling. It always baffled me that I would keep this closet in such disarray.
A few years later we sold our home and it was time to clear out and pack the things in my office closet. When I got to the bottom of the huge stack in the center of the closet on the floor lay the book on incest opened to the page I had last read several years earlier. 12 years have passed since the day I was packing up the closet. In OA I have maintained approximately a 50 pound weight loss for 25years and my relationship with food and food habits is a miracle. No diets for 30 plus years and being the same weight is a miracle. Going to doctors today and being under a doctor's care though still challenging is a miracle. However, I have another 50 or so pounds to loose and I am never able to go below 200 and feel comfortable. Intense and overwhelming sexual feelings would happen and generally it was just too uncomfortable. I am in stronger place now as a result of the continued recovery and promises I have received in OA. I think it just may be time to do the recovery work through your program and it is for this reason that I am so very glad I found you. (siastepstudy)