Musings on Growing Up, or, possibly On Prydain in My Life
I've been re-reading the Prydain Chronicles for what is almost certainly the 11th or 12th time. If you haven't read these books, do it. They hold up wonderfully even as an adult, and they are just all around wise. BTW: If anyone has my copy of the single volume set pictured on Wikipedia, I miss it dearly :( In re-reading the first one I've been really remembering how much I have always sympathized with and related to Taran (our hero.)
Taran, in the first book, is in many ways still very much a child. He thinks very highly of his own capabilities and judgment, he thinks he is grown up, and when he gets swept up in an actual heroic quest he is gung-ho to prove himself and showcase the many skills he thinks he has, or will instantly exhibit if only given the chance. This leads him into many misadventures, including (but not limited to) jumping headfirst into a thorn bush (because he assumes danger is lurking there and he doesn't bother to confirm this assumption) and nearly drowning in a rapid river while taking a learn-by-doing approach to swimming(because he doesn't want to admit he can't swim, and is sure he will learn as soon as he tries it.) Taran is continually making mistakes because of false assumptions, over confidence, and a thirst to prove himself that isn't tempered by much common sense or a realistic idea of the grown up world.
One of the greatest things about this the book that the first book doesn't end with Taran as a triumphant hero. He ends up succeeding in his quest, but bruised, battered, and humbled. He realizes how many mistakes he made, and in fact he is pretty downhearted at first, even in victory. But the fact is that many of his mistakes end up turning around and helping the companions in the end, and while Taran isn't the hero of the day, he's done some great things and won some respect from people who (he is just starting to realize) are much wiser than him.
I won't tell you everything, just that at the start of the second book Taran still isn't a great hero- in fact his is just setting out to make a whole bunch of new mistakes- but he is a little wiser and smarter than he was. Over the course of the five books he gets wiser and wiser, but he can't see it himself, because of course the more he knows and experiences the more he realizes how little he knows and how great the challenges in front of him really are. The 4th book, Taran Wanderer, is really an identity quest, and it has a darker and sader tone, as Taran tries to figure out who he is and is continually dissatisfied with the answers he finds.
Of course, as a kid I didn't get any of this. My mom read the series to me when I was 4 or 5, and again when I was 11 or 12, and although my understanding deepened, both times it was essentially just a series of great adventures about a young person, someone like me, who got to do amazing things. I re-read it myself as a young adult, and it was then that I started to realize how deep and wise the books were, and how much they had to say about growing up, finding out who you are, facing unpleasant truths and realities, and doing the best you can with what you've got.
Now I'm re-reading the books as an adult, and even though I read them just three years ago, I am seeing them on a whole new level at 25 than I did at 22. I see so much of my own childhood and young adulthood in Taran's early adventures, and so many of my own mistakes. And moreover, I realized that I've been stuck in Taran Wanderer for the last few years- not knowing who I am, not happy with the answers I can come up with to that question. Wise enough to feel totally inadequate in my own wisdom, smart enough to realize I was foolish. This is a very depressing state. Like Taran I felt lost and confused and inadequate to face the world, even though, like Taran, I faced and conquered a lot of difficult situations before I really knew what I was doing.
Just in the last year, and even more in the six months since I took on this job, which is such a challenge to me in so many ways (more on that later) I think I am starting to slowly emerge from Taran Wanderer into The High King, where Taran finally combines his initial good qualities of courage and confidence and kindness and trust in friends, with the wisdom and experience that temper them and make him a good leader and a better person. It is very encouraging to think that, little by little, by persistance and through a million false starts, even an Assistant Pig Keeper can become a great man and a hero.
Or in other words, maybe I'll turn out okay yet.
Taran, in the first book, is in many ways still very much a child. He thinks very highly of his own capabilities and judgment, he thinks he is grown up, and when he gets swept up in an actual heroic quest he is gung-ho to prove himself and showcase the many skills he thinks he has, or will instantly exhibit if only given the chance. This leads him into many misadventures, including (but not limited to) jumping headfirst into a thorn bush (because he assumes danger is lurking there and he doesn't bother to confirm this assumption) and nearly drowning in a rapid river while taking a learn-by-doing approach to swimming(because he doesn't want to admit he can't swim, and is sure he will learn as soon as he tries it.) Taran is continually making mistakes because of false assumptions, over confidence, and a thirst to prove himself that isn't tempered by much common sense or a realistic idea of the grown up world.
One of the greatest things about this the book that the first book doesn't end with Taran as a triumphant hero. He ends up succeeding in his quest, but bruised, battered, and humbled. He realizes how many mistakes he made, and in fact he is pretty downhearted at first, even in victory. But the fact is that many of his mistakes end up turning around and helping the companions in the end, and while Taran isn't the hero of the day, he's done some great things and won some respect from people who (he is just starting to realize) are much wiser than him.
I won't tell you everything, just that at the start of the second book Taran still isn't a great hero- in fact his is just setting out to make a whole bunch of new mistakes- but he is a little wiser and smarter than he was. Over the course of the five books he gets wiser and wiser, but he can't see it himself, because of course the more he knows and experiences the more he realizes how little he knows and how great the challenges in front of him really are. The 4th book, Taran Wanderer, is really an identity quest, and it has a darker and sader tone, as Taran tries to figure out who he is and is continually dissatisfied with the answers he finds.
Of course, as a kid I didn't get any of this. My mom read the series to me when I was 4 or 5, and again when I was 11 or 12, and although my understanding deepened, both times it was essentially just a series of great adventures about a young person, someone like me, who got to do amazing things. I re-read it myself as a young adult, and it was then that I started to realize how deep and wise the books were, and how much they had to say about growing up, finding out who you are, facing unpleasant truths and realities, and doing the best you can with what you've got.
Now I'm re-reading the books as an adult, and even though I read them just three years ago, I am seeing them on a whole new level at 25 than I did at 22. I see so much of my own childhood and young adulthood in Taran's early adventures, and so many of my own mistakes. And moreover, I realized that I've been stuck in Taran Wanderer for the last few years- not knowing who I am, not happy with the answers I can come up with to that question. Wise enough to feel totally inadequate in my own wisdom, smart enough to realize I was foolish. This is a very depressing state. Like Taran I felt lost and confused and inadequate to face the world, even though, like Taran, I faced and conquered a lot of difficult situations before I really knew what I was doing.
Just in the last year, and even more in the six months since I took on this job, which is such a challenge to me in so many ways (more on that later) I think I am starting to slowly emerge from Taran Wanderer into The High King, where Taran finally combines his initial good qualities of courage and confidence and kindness and trust in friends, with the wisdom and experience that temper them and make him a good leader and a better person. It is very encouraging to think that, little by little, by persistance and through a million false starts, even an Assistant Pig Keeper can become a great man and a hero.
Or in other words, maybe I'll turn out okay yet.