(no subject)
In the great words of the 702 (?) BlAQUE/haha i think none of thee above: Can we get freaky tonight, got so many things on my mind. dang know it's going to upset me until i remember their names. i know they also did steelo which was later turned into the theme song for cousin skeeter. haha robert richard and meagan goode you think you can escape your past. NEVER
There is however a lot to think about. My academics are quite depressing. well they are not but I am not devoting the proper time to them and the semester is over. that is what is really scaring me now. the semester is really over a few more weeks and bam first semester junior year. thebeginning of the end. haha dramatic.
I'm just struggling with the goals I made for myself when I was 8 for this time in my life, and the goals I made for myself at the beginning of this semester. ONly a few have been completed, or completed to my satisfaction. I have been working hard but I'm not quite sure where I am going wrong. I mean I know I clearly sleep too much and have too much chill time in between classes where I could be doing work. I mean the prospect of being ahead in class never crosses my mind so i'm currently in a constant state of catch up. b/c my do 3 weeks past and the information supposedly taught in 3 weeks I'm not even sure i was there. I may have been there in the class but I don't seem to do well with lecture at 8 in the morning. Altho i do appear to think better early morning and and late evening, just not the times in between lol
Enough is going right in my world for me to not to be sad, but unfortunately i want so much. and not willing to put in all the work for it. Never really had to before. Sucks to your assmar.
My interviews with my elder have a very sobering effect. I stop worrying about me and I begin to worry about her. She is fine and as cliche as it is the definition of a strong woman. i mean she even likes to cook and sew and is a wonderful teacher. But the things she has been through in her life. I would have difficulty speaking about them. I have difficulty even thinking and trying to avoid them. Speaking with Dr. Gayles there are stories, there are stories in what she says and in the silences. The deep stories are in the silences. But I feel those silences are not meant for a book. at least not the SIS book. I do feel that was predestined for our interviews. whether the quality of the interviews or simply the experience. (meaning regardless of) it is most beneficial for both of us. It is hard because what is your life if it does not include family? What is your life with only happy not sad? I have not ever really experienced tragedy but I make up some because without the dark the light is not as enjoyed. My favorite times of the day are dusk and dawn. those in between times where for a moment you can't decide if your coming or going and you really just don't care because you're just caught in the moment. Sapelo. The sunrise at Sapelo after watching the stars and traipsing through the wilderness in the wee hours of the morning on spirited land. that is where we are now. Traipsing through wilderness on spirited land. It is necessary and I feel blessed that I was chosen for this experience.
One's life is not defined by the bad. But sometimes it is what dominates. if we let it. I don't know. thoughts for a psych major.
I know that i can not be all bad or too lame at all because my friends are rather awesome. here home and everywhere. they are about something and we all have our own special niches. and somehow we all come back and we relate. I truly believe abest friend is not always the one you are the closest to a certain tme. that can change and most often does. a best friend is one whom no matter how long you have not spoken or been in each other's presence. you can pick up right where you left off. It's like you don't even need to speak of those times because instinctively you know. Somtimes these shared silences are not always and one friend is definitly in the dark about an experience but the beauty of it all is there are no hurt feelings. you have your life and i have mine and we intersect. and I am very blessed to have many friends. I know who my people are. 5 10 years from now I know who i'm going to call on random nights because a song came on the radio or a movie is playing. To all my spelman friends I better be invited to all babyshowers weddings big events *(haha not in that particular order) and to the babyshowers all will be given the giant poster: let her first steps be to Spelman.
My Montclair friends none compare. all 80s nights are devoted to you, late night calls, and pure randomness.
randomt tip: I joke that I would strip for Rhodes. I thought and I think it really is true. what would my mama say. I wonder if all rhodes scholars are fine? that just can not be? if so maybe i need to find my way to england. I need to find my way to england regardless. It is a place I must be at some point in my life. England, South America (Brazil, Peru) in paricular, South Africa, West Africa(Senegal, Ghana...), Spain, Italy, Portugal, Germany, Japan, Haiti, Trinidad, Puerto Rico, Switzerland, Netherlands. I want to go , I want to go to ALL
I wish I smoked. really smoked so that I would have a pack of something stashed somewhere I found a pack of matches and all i want to do is light them. nothing to light them with. Don't even know where my candle is except that it's somewhere. I shall find something to light. maybe that will purify my spirit.
I love my room and thats a beautiful thing(I originally typed friend and I love her/them too) The set up is just so right and it's one of those things that i just got perfect each time i wake up or adjust to do hw or read or watch tv i look around and i lovei t even more. I LOVE THAT. I feel that that at least is a good sign that I know myself and I know what i want. It is important to know me. My picture of jacob's lawrence kiss is just so beautiful, the colors so vibrant an drich. each time i look at it i picture different scenarios. but all jazz and late night always play a part in the story. on the other side of my personality spectrum there are two pictures that i painted over the cover of a calendar of dolphins cavorting in the waves. if i do say so myself it's really nice and the added colors just put a sparkle and life to them. The continually caughti n the moment. and then my japanese poster of the hokusai a big wave with some boats under neath. depending on my mood the boats are either going under the wave ro bravely fighting into it to catch the big catch because they know that is the only way. I love it all
well i'm going to bed because as usual i did not do the work I needed to and I need to be somewhat productive tomorrow. I leave you with several postcards I bought that I just found today. yay for friends and brooklyn artsfestival:
Knitta please
F*CK WHAT YOU HEARD
nothing matters when we're dancing
Amen
There is however a lot to think about. My academics are quite depressing. well they are not but I am not devoting the proper time to them and the semester is over. that is what is really scaring me now. the semester is really over a few more weeks and bam first semester junior year. thebeginning of the end. haha dramatic.
I'm just struggling with the goals I made for myself when I was 8 for this time in my life, and the goals I made for myself at the beginning of this semester. ONly a few have been completed, or completed to my satisfaction. I have been working hard but I'm not quite sure where I am going wrong. I mean I know I clearly sleep too much and have too much chill time in between classes where I could be doing work. I mean the prospect of being ahead in class never crosses my mind so i'm currently in a constant state of catch up. b/c my do 3 weeks past and the information supposedly taught in 3 weeks I'm not even sure i was there. I may have been there in the class but I don't seem to do well with lecture at 8 in the morning. Altho i do appear to think better early morning and and late evening, just not the times in between lol
Enough is going right in my world for me to not to be sad, but unfortunately i want so much. and not willing to put in all the work for it. Never really had to before. Sucks to your assmar.
My interviews with my elder have a very sobering effect. I stop worrying about me and I begin to worry about her. She is fine and as cliche as it is the definition of a strong woman. i mean she even likes to cook and sew and is a wonderful teacher. But the things she has been through in her life. I would have difficulty speaking about them. I have difficulty even thinking and trying to avoid them. Speaking with Dr. Gayles there are stories, there are stories in what she says and in the silences. The deep stories are in the silences. But I feel those silences are not meant for a book. at least not the SIS book. I do feel that was predestined for our interviews. whether the quality of the interviews or simply the experience. (meaning regardless of) it is most beneficial for both of us. It is hard because what is your life if it does not include family? What is your life with only happy not sad? I have not ever really experienced tragedy but I make up some because without the dark the light is not as enjoyed. My favorite times of the day are dusk and dawn. those in between times where for a moment you can't decide if your coming or going and you really just don't care because you're just caught in the moment. Sapelo. The sunrise at Sapelo after watching the stars and traipsing through the wilderness in the wee hours of the morning on spirited land. that is where we are now. Traipsing through wilderness on spirited land. It is necessary and I feel blessed that I was chosen for this experience.
One's life is not defined by the bad. But sometimes it is what dominates. if we let it. I don't know. thoughts for a psych major.
I know that i can not be all bad or too lame at all because my friends are rather awesome. here home and everywhere. they are about something and we all have our own special niches. and somehow we all come back and we relate. I truly believe abest friend is not always the one you are the closest to a certain tme. that can change and most often does. a best friend is one whom no matter how long you have not spoken or been in each other's presence. you can pick up right where you left off. It's like you don't even need to speak of those times because instinctively you know. Somtimes these shared silences are not always and one friend is definitly in the dark about an experience but the beauty of it all is there are no hurt feelings. you have your life and i have mine and we intersect. and I am very blessed to have many friends. I know who my people are. 5 10 years from now I know who i'm going to call on random nights because a song came on the radio or a movie is playing. To all my spelman friends I better be invited to all babyshowers weddings big events *(haha not in that particular order) and to the babyshowers all will be given the giant poster: let her first steps be to Spelman.
My Montclair friends none compare. all 80s nights are devoted to you, late night calls, and pure randomness.
randomt tip: I joke that I would strip for Rhodes. I thought and I think it really is true. what would my mama say. I wonder if all rhodes scholars are fine? that just can not be? if so maybe i need to find my way to england. I need to find my way to england regardless. It is a place I must be at some point in my life. England, South America (Brazil, Peru) in paricular, South Africa, West Africa(Senegal, Ghana...), Spain, Italy, Portugal, Germany, Japan, Haiti, Trinidad, Puerto Rico, Switzerland, Netherlands. I want to go , I want to go to ALL
I wish I smoked. really smoked so that I would have a pack of something stashed somewhere I found a pack of matches and all i want to do is light them. nothing to light them with. Don't even know where my candle is except that it's somewhere. I shall find something to light. maybe that will purify my spirit.
I love my room and thats a beautiful thing(I originally typed friend and I love her/them too) The set up is just so right and it's one of those things that i just got perfect each time i wake up or adjust to do hw or read or watch tv i look around and i lovei t even more. I LOVE THAT. I feel that that at least is a good sign that I know myself and I know what i want. It is important to know me. My picture of jacob's lawrence kiss is just so beautiful, the colors so vibrant an drich. each time i look at it i picture different scenarios. but all jazz and late night always play a part in the story. on the other side of my personality spectrum there are two pictures that i painted over the cover of a calendar of dolphins cavorting in the waves. if i do say so myself it's really nice and the added colors just put a sparkle and life to them. The continually caughti n the moment. and then my japanese poster of the hokusai a big wave with some boats under neath. depending on my mood the boats are either going under the wave ro bravely fighting into it to catch the big catch because they know that is the only way. I love it all
well i'm going to bed because as usual i did not do the work I needed to and I need to be somewhat productive tomorrow. I leave you with several postcards I bought that I just found today. yay for friends and brooklyn artsfestival:
Knitta please
F*CK WHAT YOU HEARD
nothing matters when we're dancing
Amen