It's been a while;
Well, for those of you reading this...I'd like to unload my inner feelings. Today I learned that I was going to have surgery on my stomach this Friday morning. There are many ifs. There's a worst case scenario and a "icing on the cake" scenario. It seems the general best I can expect is a small incision (if the thing refuses to budge easily I'm looking at a cut below from the breast bone to the pelvic bone), no cancer (3 out of 4 that it's not) and the doctor seems almost certain that I'll...lose an ovary.
Yes yes; I know I just need one to function. And my main concern wasn't about fertility as much as other health issues that might be caused by it. And what about my menstrual cycle?? Plus the weird feeling of being asymmetrical ;;; Though I guess it's a small enough thing that I'd barely feel it? As it is now my left side is heavier so maybe lighter would feel different.
Ah;; But I'm getting a little vague. What I have is a large mass in my abdomen. It is about...29 centimeters across (I forget the two other measurements but it was like 26-28 I think) which, to the less metrically inclined (like me) is about the size of a football. Yeah; I've been a bit uncomfortable..now that I think of it. Didn't Minekura-sensei have such a thing? XD;; Except hers was the size of a small child's head.
But anyway. I hope he doesn't have to get rid of it. Just because it'd feel...like I lost something; But I do realize that's the bottom of the list of his concerns. *shrug* Well, I made sure he noted that I was concerned about that anyway.
I'm...lonely. And scared. If I let myself, my thoughts wander to how it'll feel being drugged to sleep...and having people cut me open...and then waking up with stitches...and not even knowing if things are all right until then too! I can't just break down in front of my family though. My mom's already feeling guilty for not getting me to the doctor's sooner. How much more awful would she feel?! And if I just cry, it'll just take away from a positive attitude right..? But I'm feeling some stress of it...and I've already been to three different doctors over the past couple of months and....I got needled at least a handful of times >O lll *had a bad experience with a blood drawing when she was a kid and is only now realizing that she's QUITE uncomfortable with needles now*
Anyway;; They'll be keeping me overnight...and more if it goes less well. They'll start with a small cut and try to shrink it with a vacuum. If it doesn't work out (like it's too sticky to sides of...things) then they'll cut all the way. Theeeen, I'll have to stay for longer at the hospital;; And then there's the cancer chance. The doctor doubts it is..and if it is, he says it's probably (because my blood work came clean) a borderline sort that won't even need chemotherapy. I don't think I have it. But I really really hope I don't have to get a big incision either. If I can even hope for my ovary to be left in too...as my doctor says that would "really be icing on the cake"
Haaa;; That was a good release. *feels a bit better*
Yes yes; I know I just need one to function. And my main concern wasn't about fertility as much as other health issues that might be caused by it. And what about my menstrual cycle?? Plus the weird feeling of being asymmetrical ;;; Though I guess it's a small enough thing that I'd barely feel it? As it is now my left side is heavier so maybe lighter would feel different.
Ah;; But I'm getting a little vague. What I have is a large mass in my abdomen. It is about...29 centimeters across (I forget the two other measurements but it was like 26-28 I think) which, to the less metrically inclined (like me) is about the size of a football. Yeah; I've been a bit uncomfortable..now that I think of it. Didn't Minekura-sensei have such a thing? XD;; Except hers was the size of a small child's head.
But anyway. I hope he doesn't have to get rid of it. Just because it'd feel...like I lost something; But I do realize that's the bottom of the list of his concerns. *shrug* Well, I made sure he noted that I was concerned about that anyway.
I'm...lonely. And scared. If I let myself, my thoughts wander to how it'll feel being drugged to sleep...and having people cut me open...and then waking up with stitches...and not even knowing if things are all right until then too! I can't just break down in front of my family though. My mom's already feeling guilty for not getting me to the doctor's sooner. How much more awful would she feel?! And if I just cry, it'll just take away from a positive attitude right..? But I'm feeling some stress of it...and I've already been to three different doctors over the past couple of months and....I got needled at least a handful of times >O lll *had a bad experience with a blood drawing when she was a kid and is only now realizing that she's QUITE uncomfortable with needles now*
Anyway;; They'll be keeping me overnight...and more if it goes less well. They'll start with a small cut and try to shrink it with a vacuum. If it doesn't work out (like it's too sticky to sides of...things) then they'll cut all the way. Theeeen, I'll have to stay for longer at the hospital;; And then there's the cancer chance. The doctor doubts it is..and if it is, he says it's probably (because my blood work came clean) a borderline sort that won't even need chemotherapy. I don't think I have it. But I really really hope I don't have to get a big incision either. If I can even hope for my ovary to be left in too...as my doctor says that would "really be icing on the cake"
Haaa;; That was a good release. *feels a bit better*