TTOTM RANT.
Haaa...The last couple of "times of the month" have been kinda emotional. I'd like to think that these emotions have some validity...just less shielding from people. I can't hide resentments, depression or sadness during these times.
...It's pretty annoying. And I like to think deeply about things...not so rarely random. Sometimes about characters in things, about why people act the way they do...life in general kind of stuff.
Now for example, I'm realizing just how lonely I am. When I was in schooI (particularly highschool and college) I wasn't exactly the popular type. If there were cliques and such, I don't know if I even belonged to any. I remember being depressed sometimes then too. Now, that's not to say I didn't have friends. I recall having a lot of fun, too. But, even when I found someone I could call a "best friend" there were times I was with them and a group of people...that I felt I was kind of seperate from them. But, only a couple of times. And we had a lot of, often anime related, fun. She never contacted me after highschool though. Shouldn't relationships be deeper than that? The plans she told me were she was going to be a nurse...the last I heard she was spotted pregnant in a store somewhere by my mom. A year or so before that, I'd see her on the internet rarely and would IM her...she told me once she was taking care of her relative up waaaaay north in the state.
Out of college, I met a nice girl. She's religious...and sometimes sliiiiightly pushy about that...I don't like hearing some of her ideals...but it's not like I'm pretty at ease with different religions anyway. And I was kind of amused at the audacity of her mom saying she'd pray for my soul. ^_^;; Now, this new friend and I had anime in common. But we talk about everything else. And I'd like to think I do everything like a good friend is supposed to most of the time. When she wants an escort to a scary house, I go with her. When she got into a car wreck nearby I walked to be there with her.
Now, I'm out of college. I still see this friend...but all in person social interaction has become...minimal. The last two years of college were done online too. I haven't gotten to know someone in person...for about two years.
So I got more and more into online relationships. Now, I'm not saying its' a bad thing. I have met some great people and even made another best friend. But there's limits. They have their own schedules with the "outside world" and their own agendas. Some have different timezones.
All I have is the internet and babysitting. And the occasional outings with the friend down here (she lives a few blocks from me).
I JUST WANT TO DO THINGS WITH PEOPLE AGAIN.
I'm....getting a little desperate. ^_^;; Whenever I think I'll get to do things with people I'm happy. I feel better. But, when that gets taken from me...I get pretty upset. Usually by the same people. I know, I know. I'm lame. But, if you think for a moment...that you're not going to be able to do it...don't agree to it. One of my yet-to-be-rid-of pet peeves is false hope. I DON'T LIKE FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT. IT CHEAPENS MY HAPPINESS.
...It's pretty annoying. And I like to think deeply about things...not so rarely random. Sometimes about characters in things, about why people act the way they do...life in general kind of stuff.
Now for example, I'm realizing just how lonely I am. When I was in schooI (particularly highschool and college) I wasn't exactly the popular type. If there were cliques and such, I don't know if I even belonged to any. I remember being depressed sometimes then too. Now, that's not to say I didn't have friends. I recall having a lot of fun, too. But, even when I found someone I could call a "best friend" there were times I was with them and a group of people...that I felt I was kind of seperate from them. But, only a couple of times. And we had a lot of, often anime related, fun. She never contacted me after highschool though. Shouldn't relationships be deeper than that? The plans she told me were she was going to be a nurse...the last I heard she was spotted pregnant in a store somewhere by my mom. A year or so before that, I'd see her on the internet rarely and would IM her...she told me once she was taking care of her relative up waaaaay north in the state.
Out of college, I met a nice girl. She's religious...and sometimes sliiiiightly pushy about that...I don't like hearing some of her ideals...but it's not like I'm pretty at ease with different religions anyway. And I was kind of amused at the audacity of her mom saying she'd pray for my soul. ^_^;; Now, this new friend and I had anime in common. But we talk about everything else. And I'd like to think I do everything like a good friend is supposed to most of the time. When she wants an escort to a scary house, I go with her. When she got into a car wreck nearby I walked to be there with her.
Now, I'm out of college. I still see this friend...but all in person social interaction has become...minimal. The last two years of college were done online too. I haven't gotten to know someone in person...for about two years.
So I got more and more into online relationships. Now, I'm not saying its' a bad thing. I have met some great people and even made another best friend. But there's limits. They have their own schedules with the "outside world" and their own agendas. Some have different timezones.
All I have is the internet and babysitting. And the occasional outings with the friend down here (she lives a few blocks from me).
I JUST WANT TO DO THINGS WITH PEOPLE AGAIN.
I'm....getting a little desperate. ^_^;; Whenever I think I'll get to do things with people I'm happy. I feel better. But, when that gets taken from me...I get pretty upset. Usually by the same people. I know, I know. I'm lame. But, if you think for a moment...that you're not going to be able to do it...don't agree to it. One of my yet-to-be-rid-of pet peeves is false hope. I DON'T LIKE FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT. IT CHEAPENS MY HAPPINESS.