Friends on both sides
Last Sunday I called one of my longest friends. I remember apologizing before but I felt the need to again.
You see many years ago I lost my best friend. At the time I had been dating the vicious manipulative man I keep talking about. It took many years to realize that I lost a true friend because he was trying to purposely tear us part and isolate me along with isolating me from everyone else. I can't remember what the lie was but basically he forced me into a situation where I had to choose him or choose her, and I chose wrong.
As a result I missed many things in her life. She got a tattoo. And she got married. I wasn't even invited to the wedding,let alone did I know she had been married until after the fact. It, for lack of a better word, sucked.
It wasn't until after he and I broke up or around the time that we broke up for good that I came back to apologize for my actions. Ever since then I learned a very important lesson. There is always another side of the story. And I had neglected to hear her's.
Today we are friends again. I am lucky that she has forgiven me and forgotten. She's truly an amazing person. I am glad to have her back in my life, even though I still kick myself in the butt for having lost her in the first place because I know that our friendship will never be the same.
The other lesson that I learned is that someone who makes you choose sides is not worth choosing. I called my long lost friend to apologize again because I was stuck in another similar situation again where I had to choose sides. I got caught in the middle of a messy relationship breakup. I valued both of them equally and they're both my friends, both of them helping me through tough times. When I found out they broke up I gave them the support any friend would need and told them that they were both my friends and I will support them through whatever they need even if it meant listening to their side of the story. I flat out said I will not choose sides. As for the past, whatever happened between them, that is the past and there it will remain. I only looked towards the future and helping them move forward.
Unfortunately you can only be Switzerland for so long. I was forced to choose a side and when I tried to explain that they were equally my friends she let it go for a little bit until she again made me choose for simple act of publicly displaying support of her ex boyfriend moving on and dating someone else. Although, like I said, there is always another side story. I'm sure she felt hurt and betrayed, however there's no betrayal. There is only friendship for one that is equal and no more for one than the other such that when I publicly made a post that she should date Asian men in support of her moving on.
But then again, there's always another side to the story.