(no subject)
today was the beginning of the end.
all i can do is bitch about the judgements people make and the embarrassment of our society, but i find myself perpetuating the stereotype. the past year has been like a long, five-course meal of mistakes. first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest, right? or is it the treasure chest...? as soon as i stack my silverware on the side of my plate (just like they taught me at canadian manners training...pardon?) and they clear the table, i find myself immersed in another [self-imposed] disaster. they dont realize that theres more to come. why would i have appetizers and skip the main course, man? its all about pain, tears, questions, lies, and ultimately control. you have to master the districts of your life one at a time. the first aid kit is up on the shelf and my sleep schedule is pretty much back to normal. somehow i conquered the demons that seemed so scary a few months ago. but of course the spiderman box with the little lock cant be empty for longer than five minutes. ive got to fill it with the final obstacle - and its so complicated to keep track of how deeply ive sunk into this particular problem because really its nothing more than a void. emptiness. you can talk to others, look at pictures of collarbones, buy packs of gum, do whatever it takes to reach the ultimate goal: happiness. simplicity. fullness.
all i can do is bitch about the judgements people make and the embarrassment of our society, but i find myself perpetuating the stereotype. the past year has been like a long, five-course meal of mistakes. first is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest, right? or is it the treasure chest...? as soon as i stack my silverware on the side of my plate (just like they taught me at canadian manners training...pardon?) and they clear the table, i find myself immersed in another [self-imposed] disaster. they dont realize that theres more to come. why would i have appetizers and skip the main course, man? its all about pain, tears, questions, lies, and ultimately control. you have to master the districts of your life one at a time. the first aid kit is up on the shelf and my sleep schedule is pretty much back to normal. somehow i conquered the demons that seemed so scary a few months ago. but of course the spiderman box with the little lock cant be empty for longer than five minutes. ive got to fill it with the final obstacle - and its so complicated to keep track of how deeply ive sunk into this particular problem because really its nothing more than a void. emptiness. you can talk to others, look at pictures of collarbones, buy packs of gum, do whatever it takes to reach the ultimate goal: happiness. simplicity. fullness.