Last Updated 45 Weeks Ago (Warning: Wall of Text)
Or, 2008: A Year In Review
Prologue: Wow, that's coming up on a year since I've posted in this thing. Hardly seems right. So much has happened since then that it's hard for me to believe it, and I really like using this journal as a sort of record of my life. Even with most of 2008 missing, it's really interesting to go back and read through my prior posts. And it's kind of funny to see how much still hasn't really changed. I guess I'll just start where I left off and work my way up to the present, that would make sense right?
Spring 2008: Can't remember much about this to be honest. I guess things with Jon were getting worse throughout this period, leading to the end in late april or may or something. Life was pretty boring, my time mostly being split between school, computer, and Jon. Classes went pretty well for the most part. Half-assed and procrastinated my way through English again, but I was able to pull through at the end for a B. Kind of the opposite in Biology, only missed a couple things during the semester, but I completely checked out for the final which locked me into another B. Funny enough though, looking back at my previous post I did end up getting A+es in in the two classes I could, which were the classes I actually cared about. (Calculus and Computer Organization/Assembly) Overall, not a bad semester, although I wouldn't say a particularly good one.
Summer 2008: Oh boy. Now this was a very shitty period of my life, and I'm really surprised that it didn't drive me onto here due to boredom or emoness. With Jon gone for the summer and the semester finished, I had absolutely nothing I needed to do. And because of me socially choking myself the year prior, I really didn't have anybody I could spend time with. There was Justin of course, but you can only spend so much time with a single person, and he's not always the most socially reliable anyway. There were a couple isolated instances of hanging out with other people, but nothing too fulfilling or lasting. It was too late at that point after all, there really weren't effective means for me to meet people. So between all this and the breakup, it was a very lonely summer. Having no school, no significant hobbies and no job also had me feeling very unfulfilled as a person. Now, don't get me wrong, all of this (besides the school) was my own fault. The financial situation that summer wasn't very good either due to my lack of a job and Justin's quitting his. That got resolved though when both of us got our new jobs.
Fall 2008: Okay, I got my job at the beginning of July so this really includes late summer too, but for me it just gets lumped into fall as the beginning of the goodness. Got my job at Gameworks, which besides easing my financial situation started a series of life-changing events for me. Having a job (one which I really enjoyed, even) gave me some sort of sense of purpose which made me feel better. Still though, being me, I was pretty shy and a bit slow to jump into things socially. But the summer had taught me that I needed to put myself out there and get to know people. That started with my job hunt, and continued into my employment itself. I've made a few friends of various closeness, one in particular which was under very unexpected circumstances and turned out to be the most fulfilling friendship of all. In addition to my first real social gratification in Arizona, these friendships also led to my introduction to the use of alcohol and marijuana. Another funny thing, I'm at (arguably) the biggest party school in the nation and to this day I've done nothing close to partying through people from school. I guess that happens when you're in Computer Science.
Fall 2008 (2): For the sake of organization I'll actually split up fall. Or maybe the first Fall would just be late summer. Whatever. Anyway, Jon would come back in early August and bring Thomas with him. Having really started my own life in the past month, my desperation for companionship had subsided much to the surprise of Jon, and myself actually. Also surprising was the ridiculous instant bonding between myself and Thomas, which even now I can't really explain. But whatever it was, it sure caused a lot of problems between everyone in the apartment. It ended up showing some ugly sides of people that I thought I knew as well as permanently and significantly changing the personal dynamics of the apartment. For the most part though I didn't let that stuff bother me, it really was other peoples' problems which I did my best not to aggravate. Aside from that, I spent my days going back and forth between work, school, and enjoying myself with newfound friends with only the occasional downtime. One of the things I learned was that I really do like to be busy, as long as it's managably busy.
The Good Stuff: So, the semester of Fall 2008 ended up turning out extremely well for me. Going against my modest tendencies, I have to say that I think I did very very well for myself. I gained some much needed self-confidence, and I was able to let myself focus on what I needed and wanted. I enjoyed a satisfying, if a bit hedonistic, close-knit social life full of companionship, sex, mild drugs, and drinking. And all while keeping up with a job and schoolwork, even making record high grades. Really, 16 credit-hours and I made all As! Even A+es in Engineering Statistics and Programming Languages. There was only one regret schoolwise this semester. After a particularly intense night of fun, my body just couldn't get up until late the next day which resulted in me missing an extra credit test that more than likely would've gotten me a third A+. But I still pulled a 4.12 for the semester, pulling my cumulative up by 0.12 to a pretty respectable 3.89, well into the range for graduating summa cum laude. Certainly not numbers to scoff at, but still, I made a mistake and it cost me in the end. In spite of the issues at my apartment, this was definitely the greatest period of my life since the golden sophomore year of high school.
Where I Stand Now: This trip home has actually been pretty good to me, much moreso than previous ones if I remember correctly. For the most part I've let go of the stupid stuff that's plagued me before, and I've been able to enjoy the company of my friends and family on what I believe to be a more adult level. While I always enjoy seeing as many old friends as I can, I think I did a much better job this time of not worrying about seeing everybody and focusing on the people I really care about, the people with who I intend to maintain lifelong relationships. If you're actually reading this and that doesn't include you, well, don't take it personally. You're a great person and all, and I would still love to talk, but for whatever reason we were never that close, and I'm sure you realize it too. Anyway, I've been able to really enjoy spending time with my family. And I really did have a great Christmas, despite it being more modest within the family than in past years. At this point in my life there's just not that much I feel I really need, so I was really able to appreciate what I got. I was also quite pleased with the gifts I was able to get for others, which didn't turn out to be quite as bank-breaking as I had expected. I haven't had any problems with old, bothersome feelings cropping up again aside from a small recent incident, which is a huge improvement over previous visits where I've ended up longing for the impossible the entire time.
The Future: There's a lot of potential for me soon. That could be very good, or very bad, and will depend on a lot of things including a whole lot of willpower on my part. School WILL be very difficult as I load up on 300 and 400 level classes in computer science and math. 19 hours... and all while working and trying to remain sane. After last semester I'm feeling pretty confident though. My living situation should be improving somewhat very soon, as Justin's days in the apartment are numbered barring a sudden employment, although I think he was going to leave soon anyway. Good riddance, frankly, it'll be nice not having to pay for him to be there AND deal with his messiness. And a bit further along, some friends will have their lease expire around the beginning of summer, and were talking about having me move in with them then. That would be yet another set of lifestyle changes for me though, and may end up being the topic of another post if I do actually get in the habit of posting here again. Now, as far as relationships go, I'm pretty sure I don't want one. I'm also pretty sure I don't entirely know what I want. But I'll know it when I find it. This means I'll need to put some distance between myself and Thomas, which I really really hope works out well because I don't want too much distance between us.
Now, a couple other topics that I feel to be significant enough to get their own section.
Exploration of Consciousness: I've always been fascinated by the mind, our thought processes, perceptions, and all that jazz. So suddenly being introduced to substances like alcohol, marijuana, and salvia has led to some experimentation on their effects. Now I'm not going to pretend I don't do these things primarily for fun, but I do greatly enjoy experiencing the different ways of thinking, or rather, reflecting later on the changes brought about. In addition, being introduced to these things at around the same time in environments comfortable with them has led to some very interesting thoughts about how alcohol and various drugs are viewed by different parts of our society. I won't go on about all that here though. Again, that could be a post in the future if I feel like it, or feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it. On another note though, earlier during the afternoon of the first as I was making up lost sleep from the night before I had the fortune of having my very first lucid dream. The content of the dream probably wouldn't be very exciting to the average person, even if it does make a decent story, but for me it was an extremely fulfilling experience. For a very long time I've been very interested in lucid dreaming, but was never able to experience it, so for me this was like crossing something off of my life's to-do list. Again, please feel free to talk to me if you want to know more or want to talk about the subject.
Music of 2008: Of course, music is very important to me so I had to comment on my musical discoveries of the year. I learned to appreciate some of the mellower Shane music, and now Death Cab for Cutie (particularly their album Plans) and The Decemberists (specifically The Crane Wife) are among my favorites. Ska is a genre that I enjoy in general, but have trouble finding specific groups I can enjoy. I learned of the traditional-sounding yet extremely silly Aquabats, and at the recommendation of another friend I found a new favorite in Streetlight Manifesto (specifically Somewhere In The Between). Those are rounded out by the occasional Reel Big Fish or Sublime song. Okay, maybe Sublime is more on the fringe of ska, but still. And on the topic of Sublime, I would like to see if I can find some reggae I enjoy listening to. There was also my musical obsession of the summer, Flobots. Fight With Tools is an excellent album, one I'm sure I'll listen to for a long time. It was an interesting year for Weezer, who was probably the first band I really enjoyed and followed. The release of Pork and Beans and its video had very mixed reactions from me. Being a person of internet culture, I thought the video was one of the greatest things ever, and ir showed me that the old spirit of Weezer was still there. However, the song itself didn't go over as well with me, and neither did the full Red Album upon its release. It's Weezer though, so I respect that they're doing a lot of musical experimentation with this album and keep on loving them. And seeing them live under the circumstances I did was definitely one of the best experiences I've ever had. Going back to Flobots, they sparked an interest in hip-hop and rap that I've yet to explore since there's no other hip-hop or rap that I know of that I really enjoy. Last is my current musical obsession, The Notwist. The gentle relaxing feel, Markus Acher's soothing voice, and the light, often-varying blend of electronic, jazz, and indie rock sounds all have combined to make me a Notwist evangelist lately. I've become quite familiar with their latest three albums, although I've yet to explore their EPs or their earlier albums. Their sound has changed continuously and dramatically over the two decades of their existance, and I'm not sure if I'd enjoy what I'd hear going any further back through their catalog. I'm sure I'll look into it eventually. This year has also seen some changes in how I experience music though. I got my new speakers early on in the year, which have been great in general, but absolutely breathtaking when arranged into an effective surround sound setup with the rare surround-mixed album. And I've found myself thinking more and more about the specific aspects of music that I find myself enjoying and how they link the different artists I listen to. Like my own little Pandora project I suppose. I've also learned to listen to my music in a new way that lets me appreciate it on a new level, actually paying attention to every single sound in a song and hearing it in a completely different way. It's hard to explain I guess, but it really makes listening to music so much better.
Epilogue: Alright, I think that's gonna be it for now. It's 8:30am and Livejournal informs me that I've been working on this post for almost three hours now, which seems pretty crazy in one sense, but then again this is supposed to be making up for a year of missed posts. If you actually read through all of this, then bravo, I don't know if I would do the same when faced with this much text on my friends page. If you didn't read it all, then that's okay too, I did break it up into more manageable sections for a reason. Comment if you like, or drop me an IM and we can talk. Or just enjoy the rest of your day, knowing that I'm still alive and up to all sorts of crazy stuff.
Prologue: Wow, that's coming up on a year since I've posted in this thing. Hardly seems right. So much has happened since then that it's hard for me to believe it, and I really like using this journal as a sort of record of my life. Even with most of 2008 missing, it's really interesting to go back and read through my prior posts. And it's kind of funny to see how much still hasn't really changed. I guess I'll just start where I left off and work my way up to the present, that would make sense right?
Spring 2008: Can't remember much about this to be honest. I guess things with Jon were getting worse throughout this period, leading to the end in late april or may or something. Life was pretty boring, my time mostly being split between school, computer, and Jon. Classes went pretty well for the most part. Half-assed and procrastinated my way through English again, but I was able to pull through at the end for a B. Kind of the opposite in Biology, only missed a couple things during the semester, but I completely checked out for the final which locked me into another B. Funny enough though, looking back at my previous post I did end up getting A+es in in the two classes I could, which were the classes I actually cared about. (Calculus and Computer Organization/Assembly) Overall, not a bad semester, although I wouldn't say a particularly good one.
Summer 2008: Oh boy. Now this was a very shitty period of my life, and I'm really surprised that it didn't drive me onto here due to boredom or emoness. With Jon gone for the summer and the semester finished, I had absolutely nothing I needed to do. And because of me socially choking myself the year prior, I really didn't have anybody I could spend time with. There was Justin of course, but you can only spend so much time with a single person, and he's not always the most socially reliable anyway. There were a couple isolated instances of hanging out with other people, but nothing too fulfilling or lasting. It was too late at that point after all, there really weren't effective means for me to meet people. So between all this and the breakup, it was a very lonely summer. Having no school, no significant hobbies and no job also had me feeling very unfulfilled as a person. Now, don't get me wrong, all of this (besides the school) was my own fault. The financial situation that summer wasn't very good either due to my lack of a job and Justin's quitting his. That got resolved though when both of us got our new jobs.
Fall 2008: Okay, I got my job at the beginning of July so this really includes late summer too, but for me it just gets lumped into fall as the beginning of the goodness. Got my job at Gameworks, which besides easing my financial situation started a series of life-changing events for me. Having a job (one which I really enjoyed, even) gave me some sort of sense of purpose which made me feel better. Still though, being me, I was pretty shy and a bit slow to jump into things socially. But the summer had taught me that I needed to put myself out there and get to know people. That started with my job hunt, and continued into my employment itself. I've made a few friends of various closeness, one in particular which was under very unexpected circumstances and turned out to be the most fulfilling friendship of all. In addition to my first real social gratification in Arizona, these friendships also led to my introduction to the use of alcohol and marijuana. Another funny thing, I'm at (arguably) the biggest party school in the nation and to this day I've done nothing close to partying through people from school. I guess that happens when you're in Computer Science.
Fall 2008 (2): For the sake of organization I'll actually split up fall. Or maybe the first Fall would just be late summer. Whatever. Anyway, Jon would come back in early August and bring Thomas with him. Having really started my own life in the past month, my desperation for companionship had subsided much to the surprise of Jon, and myself actually. Also surprising was the ridiculous instant bonding between myself and Thomas, which even now I can't really explain. But whatever it was, it sure caused a lot of problems between everyone in the apartment. It ended up showing some ugly sides of people that I thought I knew as well as permanently and significantly changing the personal dynamics of the apartment. For the most part though I didn't let that stuff bother me, it really was other peoples' problems which I did my best not to aggravate. Aside from that, I spent my days going back and forth between work, school, and enjoying myself with newfound friends with only the occasional downtime. One of the things I learned was that I really do like to be busy, as long as it's managably busy.
The Good Stuff: So, the semester of Fall 2008 ended up turning out extremely well for me. Going against my modest tendencies, I have to say that I think I did very very well for myself. I gained some much needed self-confidence, and I was able to let myself focus on what I needed and wanted. I enjoyed a satisfying, if a bit hedonistic, close-knit social life full of companionship, sex, mild drugs, and drinking. And all while keeping up with a job and schoolwork, even making record high grades. Really, 16 credit-hours and I made all As! Even A+es in Engineering Statistics and Programming Languages. There was only one regret schoolwise this semester. After a particularly intense night of fun, my body just couldn't get up until late the next day which resulted in me missing an extra credit test that more than likely would've gotten me a third A+. But I still pulled a 4.12 for the semester, pulling my cumulative up by 0.12 to a pretty respectable 3.89, well into the range for graduating summa cum laude. Certainly not numbers to scoff at, but still, I made a mistake and it cost me in the end. In spite of the issues at my apartment, this was definitely the greatest period of my life since the golden sophomore year of high school.
Where I Stand Now: This trip home has actually been pretty good to me, much moreso than previous ones if I remember correctly. For the most part I've let go of the stupid stuff that's plagued me before, and I've been able to enjoy the company of my friends and family on what I believe to be a more adult level. While I always enjoy seeing as many old friends as I can, I think I did a much better job this time of not worrying about seeing everybody and focusing on the people I really care about, the people with who I intend to maintain lifelong relationships. If you're actually reading this and that doesn't include you, well, don't take it personally. You're a great person and all, and I would still love to talk, but for whatever reason we were never that close, and I'm sure you realize it too. Anyway, I've been able to really enjoy spending time with my family. And I really did have a great Christmas, despite it being more modest within the family than in past years. At this point in my life there's just not that much I feel I really need, so I was really able to appreciate what I got. I was also quite pleased with the gifts I was able to get for others, which didn't turn out to be quite as bank-breaking as I had expected. I haven't had any problems with old, bothersome feelings cropping up again aside from a small recent incident, which is a huge improvement over previous visits where I've ended up longing for the impossible the entire time.
The Future: There's a lot of potential for me soon. That could be very good, or very bad, and will depend on a lot of things including a whole lot of willpower on my part. School WILL be very difficult as I load up on 300 and 400 level classes in computer science and math. 19 hours... and all while working and trying to remain sane. After last semester I'm feeling pretty confident though. My living situation should be improving somewhat very soon, as Justin's days in the apartment are numbered barring a sudden employment, although I think he was going to leave soon anyway. Good riddance, frankly, it'll be nice not having to pay for him to be there AND deal with his messiness. And a bit further along, some friends will have their lease expire around the beginning of summer, and were talking about having me move in with them then. That would be yet another set of lifestyle changes for me though, and may end up being the topic of another post if I do actually get in the habit of posting here again. Now, as far as relationships go, I'm pretty sure I don't want one. I'm also pretty sure I don't entirely know what I want. But I'll know it when I find it. This means I'll need to put some distance between myself and Thomas, which I really really hope works out well because I don't want too much distance between us.
Now, a couple other topics that I feel to be significant enough to get their own section.
Exploration of Consciousness: I've always been fascinated by the mind, our thought processes, perceptions, and all that jazz. So suddenly being introduced to substances like alcohol, marijuana, and salvia has led to some experimentation on their effects. Now I'm not going to pretend I don't do these things primarily for fun, but I do greatly enjoy experiencing the different ways of thinking, or rather, reflecting later on the changes brought about. In addition, being introduced to these things at around the same time in environments comfortable with them has led to some very interesting thoughts about how alcohol and various drugs are viewed by different parts of our society. I won't go on about all that here though. Again, that could be a post in the future if I feel like it, or feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it. On another note though, earlier during the afternoon of the first as I was making up lost sleep from the night before I had the fortune of having my very first lucid dream. The content of the dream probably wouldn't be very exciting to the average person, even if it does make a decent story, but for me it was an extremely fulfilling experience. For a very long time I've been very interested in lucid dreaming, but was never able to experience it, so for me this was like crossing something off of my life's to-do list. Again, please feel free to talk to me if you want to know more or want to talk about the subject.
Music of 2008: Of course, music is very important to me so I had to comment on my musical discoveries of the year. I learned to appreciate some of the mellower Shane music, and now Death Cab for Cutie (particularly their album Plans) and The Decemberists (specifically The Crane Wife) are among my favorites. Ska is a genre that I enjoy in general, but have trouble finding specific groups I can enjoy. I learned of the traditional-sounding yet extremely silly Aquabats, and at the recommendation of another friend I found a new favorite in Streetlight Manifesto (specifically Somewhere In The Between). Those are rounded out by the occasional Reel Big Fish or Sublime song. Okay, maybe Sublime is more on the fringe of ska, but still. And on the topic of Sublime, I would like to see if I can find some reggae I enjoy listening to. There was also my musical obsession of the summer, Flobots. Fight With Tools is an excellent album, one I'm sure I'll listen to for a long time. It was an interesting year for Weezer, who was probably the first band I really enjoyed and followed. The release of Pork and Beans and its video had very mixed reactions from me. Being a person of internet culture, I thought the video was one of the greatest things ever, and ir showed me that the old spirit of Weezer was still there. However, the song itself didn't go over as well with me, and neither did the full Red Album upon its release. It's Weezer though, so I respect that they're doing a lot of musical experimentation with this album and keep on loving them. And seeing them live under the circumstances I did was definitely one of the best experiences I've ever had. Going back to Flobots, they sparked an interest in hip-hop and rap that I've yet to explore since there's no other hip-hop or rap that I know of that I really enjoy. Last is my current musical obsession, The Notwist. The gentle relaxing feel, Markus Acher's soothing voice, and the light, often-varying blend of electronic, jazz, and indie rock sounds all have combined to make me a Notwist evangelist lately. I've become quite familiar with their latest three albums, although I've yet to explore their EPs or their earlier albums. Their sound has changed continuously and dramatically over the two decades of their existance, and I'm not sure if I'd enjoy what I'd hear going any further back through their catalog. I'm sure I'll look into it eventually. This year has also seen some changes in how I experience music though. I got my new speakers early on in the year, which have been great in general, but absolutely breathtaking when arranged into an effective surround sound setup with the rare surround-mixed album. And I've found myself thinking more and more about the specific aspects of music that I find myself enjoying and how they link the different artists I listen to. Like my own little Pandora project I suppose. I've also learned to listen to my music in a new way that lets me appreciate it on a new level, actually paying attention to every single sound in a song and hearing it in a completely different way. It's hard to explain I guess, but it really makes listening to music so much better.
Epilogue: Alright, I think that's gonna be it for now. It's 8:30am and Livejournal informs me that I've been working on this post for almost three hours now, which seems pretty crazy in one sense, but then again this is supposed to be making up for a year of missed posts. If you actually read through all of this, then bravo, I don't know if I would do the same when faced with this much text on my friends page. If you didn't read it all, then that's okay too, I did break it up into more manageable sections for a reason. Comment if you like, or drop me an IM and we can talk. Or just enjoy the rest of your day, knowing that I'm still alive and up to all sorts of crazy stuff.