twenty-nine beers

[shutupsammy]

What is up with today, guys, am I right?

Andy, you beautiful little shit, I saw you skulking around earlier. Where are you? Because we have got so many bongs to smoke right now.

Dad...dammit.I was all retardedly nostalgic the other day. I think it was that school curse or whatever the hell. But like, was I the only one who used to take the

Comments

[darkest0knight]

You find gum wrappers exciting. Gum wrappers.

Dude, we need to work on your idea of a good time.

[shutupsammy]

You ignore the talk of bongs and focus in on the gum wrapper chat? Come on, man, I was like eight. Give me a little badass credit!

[darkest0knight]

Bongs are as tame as gum wrappers, really.

[shutupsammy]

Then what do you think is not tame, Tony? Besides the whole kinky arena of crazy vampire sex, apparently.

[darkest0knight]

Do you ever stop bringing up the vampire sex? It's becoming an obsession, I think.

And there must be things you like to do that are more exciting than getting baked.

[shutupsammy]

I'm not obsessed with anything. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, maybe Matt Damon. But only a little. Very little. And not like, in a gay way.

There are a lot of things I like to do that are more exciting than getting baked, but getting baked with a psychic buddy I haven't seen since I've been the hell and back is very heart-warming.

[darkest0knight]

Uh huh. All straight, manly men love Matt Damon.

Psychic? Like in the Jojo's hotline kind of way, or in the whole plays spider solitaire to see the future kind of way?

[shutupsammy]

Some of them. The ones who can appreciate decent acting.

Psychic as in, when he says jump, you say 'how high.' So more like a Jedi than a psychic, but you know, a psychic.

[darkest0knight]

He has a lightsaber?

[shutupsammy]

No. He lays the whammy mindtrick on you, like, you just do whatever he tells you to. Like you want to. Obi-Wan Kenobi shit, right there.

And he drives a van with a barbarian queen riding a polar bear on the side of it.

[darkest0knight]

Oh, Henry can do that.

And ew, eighties timewarp much?

[shutupsammy]

...are you kidding me? You're serious?

Ew, nothing. That van was sweet. You're just too young, homo, and fresh-faced to understand why.

[darkest0knight]

Sure. He can just kind of...vamp people. Make them think things.

I understand that not even a hooker will do you if you pull up in a van with a barbarian queen riding a polar bear on the side.

[shutupsammy]

'Vamp' people. That sounds more RuPaul than padawan, just FYI. But he can really do that kind of stuff? That's a new one to me.

I don't think Andy is interested in hookers. Actually, I think he might have been a virgin. Awkward. How do you know so much about hooker bylaw anyway?

[darkest0knight]

Sure, how do you think he gets away with biting people and letting them walk?

Dont ask.

[shutupsammy]

I figured maybe most of them were just into it. Like you or whatever. Apparently I figured wrong.

This is me. Not asking.