(no subject)
I txted him yesterday around noon, just to say that I hoped his show the night before was good. He said thank you, and that it was, and asked what I did that night. I told him I went to the strip club, and that the more ugly strippers I see, the more I realize I could become one. He told me I could practice in front of him, I said I was thinking the same thing. He asked me what I was doing later, I said I had no plans. He asked if I wanted to come over and strip for him. I said "By strip do you just mean get naked and fuck you...or really like....give you a lap dance? haha". He said "All of those things sound great...I've never had a lap dance before...". I said "I kinda don't think I'd have the confidence to give you one, but I'd love to hang out, and fuck. I don't know if I could do it if it was solely fucking, you know, but if we accidentally fucked while hanging out, I might be able to handle that...hah..." (We had already talked recently about continuing to have sex, or at least trying it out and seeing if it could work, since despite us not being able to make a serious relationship out of what we've had, we have amazing sex, and neither of us were happy about the thought of not having it anymore.) He said "Sure, that sounds great, I can't wait to accidentaly fuck you ;)". I said "As long as you actually wanna hang too! I wouldn't want to make you fake your way through hang outs just so you could fuck me." He said "Of course I do! I'm not a faker." I told him I'd be free around 7, and then changed it to 8 because my parents invited me over for dinner. I finished work at 5, went to my parents, home at quarter to 7. I told him I'd be about an hour. Showered and got ready, didn't end up leaving my place til around 8:20. I wasn't too concerned about time. I think I would have been more so a couple weeks ago. I txted him saying I was almost there, got to his building's door, watched his apartment door, and waited for it to open, as always. He came out with a goofy smile, as always. We went inside, he gave me a hug, we talked for a minute just inside the door, he kissed me, as always, we made out for a minute and then I stopped and said "Wanna get high?". He put on some MGMT, rolled us a joint with a mix of both our weed, sat down on the couch next to me, put his hand on my leg right away, and we smoked. As always. We decided we were going to watch the last installment of Back to the Future. We didn't start it for a while though, we kept listening to music. We were really high, as always. He kissed me, we made out, we got really into it, he looked me up and down and said "Mmm sexy...", as always. We had sex, really good sex, as always, smoked cigarettes, made tea, and started the movie. We were always touching each other through out it, our hands on each others legs, or holding hands. My head resting on his shoulder. Best smelling boy ever. I was getting really tired but managed to not fall asleep. We talked a bit through out it. It ended and he laid his head on my lap, and i played with his hair, as always. Softest hair ever. We talked more, laughed, caught up on what we'd missed over the last week or two. I asked him if he was glad we hung out, he said "Yeah, totally, it's good." He looked at me the way he always has. It was just past midnight and I said I should probably go. He wanted to fuck again but we couldn't because I got my fucking period just a little after having sex the first time! What the hell. We layzed around for a bit and then he walked me home. I thanked him for walking me, we hugged and had a quick kiss outside my apartment. I started to walk inside, and he started to walk away, he called out "We work together Friday?" I said "Yeah", he said "I'll see you then, or maybe sooner, never know!". I went inside. We txted saying that we had fun, and said goodnight.
Obviously I still like him, and he likes me, at least to a certain extent. Us ending things wasn't because we didn't like each other, it was just that we can't deny that we want different things. Everything was the same as always, nothing had changed at all. The only thing it lacked was having to "talk", and worry. We still have all the good we had. It's kind of even better now though. It's a lot better this way, but still sucks, at the same time. Our hang out went just about as well as possible, now it's just a matter of seeing how I handle it when we're not together, if I can be fine with us not really being anything, not talking much, knowing we're not going anywhere, etc. It just is what it is, I suppose, and it's not bad.
Obviously I still like him, and he likes me, at least to a certain extent. Us ending things wasn't because we didn't like each other, it was just that we can't deny that we want different things. Everything was the same as always, nothing had changed at all. The only thing it lacked was having to "talk", and worry. We still have all the good we had. It's kind of even better now though. It's a lot better this way, but still sucks, at the same time. Our hang out went just about as well as possible, now it's just a matter of seeing how I handle it when we're not together, if I can be fine with us not really being anything, not talking much, knowing we're not going anywhere, etc. It just is what it is, I suppose, and it's not bad.