oneshot Potterfic - Sux Dog's Balls - Remus/Sirius
Title: Sux Dog’s Balls
Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders)
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: M 15+ Words: 3490
Warnings: adolescent humour, typical canine behaviour, reference to werewolf-dog date rape
Disclaimer: characters created by JK Rowling
Summary: Sirius has a one-track mind, terminus Remus. Their first moon alone in the Shrieking Shack doesn’t go quite to plan. Can Sirius forgive Remus for actions beyond his control? Can Remus forgive himself?
Sux Dog’s Balls
“Ever licked yourself?” was Sirius Black’s initial response to Remus Lupin’s admission that yes, he was a werewolf. “You know, while…?”
Remus wondered why he expected any different.
*~~~*
The black dog was massive, almost as tall at the shoulder as the stag. Potter was such a proud and posturing peacock that Remus immediately concluded the hart was James. The question Sirius asked three years ago revealed the dog’s human identity. Remus reached out to pat his head. Sirius nipped playfully then sat back on his haunches, panting happily with his eyes closed while moving his head into the touch.
“If you chose that shape so you could lick yourself…” Remus began threateningly once his tremendous friends resumed their natural forms.
“First thing I did!” Sirius declared with a hearty laugh.
James and Peter’s noses crinkled in disgust as they both nodded. Remus despaired.
*~~~*
His first werewolf boner had scared the crap out of him. He’d been mortified by Madam Pomfrey’s unorthodox version of The Talk and too traumatised to speak about it to his friends. Now Peter, James and Sirius were Animagi they discovered it for themselves and Remus had no choice but to discuss it.
“It doesn’t happen every time,” he explained once they reached the safety of their dorm room.
“Good thing too or every male werewolf would starve to death,” Sirius declared.
“How do you run with that javelin between your legs?” James exclaimed. “Better to have a teensy weensy peanut like Wormtail.”
“At least mine’s in proportion Prongs, what’s your excuse?” Peter countered.
Sirius laughed loudly at James’ insistence that he was not jealous of Moony’s shlong. Remus smiled. He had the best friends in the universe.
*~~~*
“If you think about it,” James said quietly as Sirius showered in the ensuite attached to Remus’ room at home, “there could be another reason Padfoot chose a dog.”
“Meaning?” Remus asked while dealing another round of Exploding Snap. Music played loudly in his room so his parents wouldn’t notice that a) neither he nor James were in the shower, and b) the large, stray shaggy dog that followed Remus home when the summer holiday began was nowhere to be found.
“Whose bed has Padfoot slept on every night this holiday? Not mine. Must be the…”
“Shut up.”
James slapped his hand onto the matching cards and they blew up. “That’s the first snap you’ve missed since we met Moony, which suggests you either know I’m right, or you hope I’m right.”
Sirius vigorously towel dried his hair as he left the ensuite. As he’d been a dog all week and would be again once he was dry, he remained naked. His eyes met Remus’ as though daring him to look lower, which was always tempting.
“I hope you’re right,” Remus admitted to James as he stood to take his turn to shower.
“So?” he heard Sirius whisper tentatively. Remus did not catch the response from James, only Sirius’ victoriously hissed “Yes!” Now Remus knew.
*~~~*
“I couldn’t become a werewolf or ordinary wolf,” Sirius explained the next night while James showered and brushed his teeth before bed.
“Trust me. You don’t want to be a werewolf.”
“So if we’re destined to be together forever and I asked you to marry me, you wouldn’t bite me on our honeymoon?”
“No.” Remus couldn’t believe Sirius thought such a thing would be romantic.
“That’s what I thought.”
“I’m relieved to know you aren’t a complete idiot.”
Sirius grinned and nervously touched Remus’ hand across the bed. “I don’t want you to be alone Remus. This is the best I could do.”
Remus linked their fingers together and shuffled a little closer. “I love you too Sirius. Have since Third Year,” he admitted.
Sirius kissed him for the first time. Remus leaned in for a second. A Lupin parent knocked on the bedroom door and opened it without waiting for a reply. Sirius was so efficient at becoming Padfoot that Mrs Lupin scolded her son for letting that stray dog lick his face.
“We know you’re equally fond of each other Remus, but we still don’t know where this mysterious Padfoot came from. He may have diseases, or a loving family missing him.” Mrs Lupin scratched the dog’s head affectionately as she said it. Padfoot wagged his tail and nuzzled her hand. She grabbed his muzzle in both hands. “Ooh, you’re a beautiful boy. Would you love our Remus as much when the moon is full? Hm? Would you?”
Padfoot wagged his tail with great enthusiasm and barked. Remus hugged him, burying his face in warm, clean, shaggy fur. His mother sighed. “I hope we don’t have to send him away.” Then she said goodnight and closed the door again on her way out.
“Strange how you much your parents love me as Padfoot, yet lock the doors when you ask if Sirius can visit.”
“I love you either way,” Remus said softly and they kissed again.
*~~~*
The Lupins were taking James to the Potters a few hours before the moon became full. He subtly mentioned the research the Marauders had done regarding animal companions for werewolves, claiming it was part of their DADA unit on dark creatures.
“My parents know you all know, James. That’s why they’re both taking you home, to talk to your parents about it.”
“Oh. So they already think getting you a pet is a great idea?” James petted Padfoot’s head, which sat heavily across James’ lap.
“We’re already suspecting the appearance of Padfoot is no coincidence, if that’s what you mean James.” Mr Lupin looked sternly at the two boys as he waited for the Portkey to become active.
“I reckon them finding each other like this is destiny,” James said without teasing. He curled his hand around Padfoot’s ear. “He’s a terrific best friend, aren’t you Padfoot? Even better now he’s not chewing everything and weeing everywhere anymore.” Moony had Padfoot properly housetrained after numerous visits to the Shrieking Shack. “Remus still gets lonely although he’s no longer alone. They’re of great benefit to each other.”
Padfoot cocked his head in Remus’ direction. Remus smiled, mildly embarrassed by the depth of James’ friendship and his endorsement of a romantic relationship. “The last full moon was certainly more pleasant thanks to having Padfoot around,” Remus admitted. James laughed as Padfoot barked happily and frolicked around the room.
“Alright, we’ll hold off the search for Padfoot’s true home until after the moon. But if something goes wrong, or we find out he’s stolen,” Mrs Lupin warned.
Padfoot capered about with such excitement he tripped and fell in a heap. James and Remus piled on top of him and he licked their faces vigorously. James winked at Remus and ruffled the fur around Padfoot’s neck. “I’m going to miss you, you great hairy galoot. Take good care of each other.”
The friends sensed parental reluctance to leave the dog with Remus despite both boys’ assurances that everyone would be perfectly safe, unaware that James knew precisely how dangerous their son could be. The Lupins eventually relented and locked them both in their son’s reinforced bedroom. Padfoot became Sirius the moment the Portkey left. He and Remus explored their newfound love by kissing until the transformation began.
“You don’t find it a bit embarrassing that every time we’ve kissed I’ve been entirely clothed and you’ve been completely naked?” Remus asked.
“Yes, but only because I sometimes imagine you naked while we’re kissing and…” Sirius edged away and adjusted his legs to disguise what he was talking about.
Remus took his clothes off like he did before every change. He looked directly into his boyfriend’s eyes while undressing. Sirius held his gaze. True he’d seen Remus naked a dozen times, thanks more to sharing a dormitory than witnessing the change to werewolf and back, but there was something more erotic in Sirius’ stare than if he’d begun ogling Remus’ erection. They let their fingers enjoy each other’s bare skin while they kissed.
“Either you’ve been fantasising about playing with me, or this moon thing makes you super horny,” Sirius quipped as their hands slowly ventured lower.
“I guess we’ll have to see if there’s a pat-tern,” Remus replied. The last word broke painfully. He rolled off the bed and hurried into the corner furthest from Sirius. His boyfriend immediately became the huge black dog. “That was too close,” Remus said before pain shot through the marrow of every bone. “I could, have scratched you,” he groaned while he still had the ability to speak. Padfoot deftly leapt from the bed and snuggled against him. Canine body heat made the grind of bone and tear of ligament less agonising but the transformation still hurt. Remus felt no urge to bite and maim himself or his companion. Although guilty about letting his guard down, for once he was not entirely horrified by what he was.
*~~~*
Remus lay weak and shivering from the change back. His parents granted him the dignity of letting him recover unsupervised from a certain age. He would call-or howl-if he needed them. There had been a grill in his bedroom door before then so one parent or both could watch over him, sharing his pain and loving him through it.
Now he had Sirius. Sirius shifted, lifted Remus onto the bed, lay directly behind him and covered them both before becoming Padfoot again. His increased body heat was comforting. Remus slept.
*~~~*
Summer reached its peak. Sirius remained undiscovered and would be going to the Potter’s soon, having spent every summer at his best friend’s house since they became friends. Now he lived there. James explained this extended absence with a fictional vacation with his cousin Andromeda. Sirius and James would be seventeen and able to legally apparate before school began. The plan was for them to return with Peter and take Remus to Kings Cross using side-along. Remus dreaded it, yet couldn’t wait.
He lazily dangled a hand over the edge of his bed in order to stroke Padfoot’s fur as he had whenever he woke up as Remus rather than Moony. It was a more sociable cure for morning erection than wanking. Padfoot wasn’t there. He’d probably gone ‘walkies’. Remus propped up on both elbows to check and stifled a laugh when he spotted Padfoot in a corner, nudging his nuggets with his nose. Sirius had been a dog for most of the holidays so animal instinct was bound to take over. Long, pink, soft yet rough tongue flicked out and … added a new dimension to Remus’ wood.
Sirius said he chose a dog because he couldn’t shift into a werewolf so they could be equals, and eventually mate. Remus wondered what it would feel like, the freedom to copulate in either shape. Not that they’d done anything beyond those introductory kisses and touches in Marauder form. During these past weeks Padfoot licked his face from time to time. How would his human mouth feel against Remus’ skin, have his tongue…? Remus slid a hand over his pyjama pants and pressed down to restrain his lust. Unfortunately the contact made it burn brighter. Padfoot continued his doggy masturbation in the corner while Remus wanked as discretely as possible in bed. A sound of canine curiosity caused Remus to look across. Padfoot’s head cocked in his direction, ears pricked up and Remus caught an unintentional eyeful of pink poochy prick poking out of its furry overcoat. ‘Like mine when it’s moon time,’ he thought, only not as big. Sirius was the one Marauder the others hadn’t seen erect in either bodily form. Remus had touched him that once as Sirius, without looking, and not there. His guilt for seeing it like this was overshadowed by a sensation of deeper similarities as their eyes met. Padfoot became Sirius and crawled toward the bed. Remus had no qualms about looking now. Sirius Black’s status as the most gorgeous male at Hogwarts had been secure since they were fourteen. He was tall and lean without being gangly. His dark hair curled naturally without becoming ringlets and his darker eyes radiated defiant vitality. Remus leaned forward to welcome Sirius into his bed then, hurried to get equally naked. They kissed. They touched. They made softly startled sounds because neither had touched anyone else there before. Without discussing it they continued kissing as they lay down and brought each other off.
Each huddled their face in the crook of the other’s shoulder and neck. “I can’t believe that’s your cum on my hand,” Sirius said in quiet amazement. They snuck simultaneous peeks to confirm it and smiled at the silliness of their previous doubts. Remus kissed Sirius’ collarbone. Sirius shivered slightly and snuggled closer against him, embrace tightening.
Remus eagerly joined the cuddle. “Do you think James was taking the piss when he said we were destined to find each other?” he asked. He felt Sirius nod.
“I hope he’s right. Although, if that means you had to be bitten as a child in order to love me, then I hope he’s wrong.”
“So, if,” Remus began shakily.
“If they find a cure I’ll still love you.”
“I wish I could change because I felt like it, like you do, not because I have to. Not that I would,” he hastened to add.
“Not into a legendary killing machine, you mean?”
Remus nodded. It was the lack of control that bothered him more than the physical trauma. Sirius used his clean hand to comb through Remus’ hair and touch his face. “You make me feel as beautiful as you are by doing that,” Remus whispered. Sirius kissed his lips before he could turn away and hide his embarrassment.
“I like the way you looked at me changed when I did Remus. I’m glad you prefer this body to the other one. But what about me?” Sirius stared at Remus’ bare shoulder as he asked. “Do you like me more as Padfoot or Sirius?”
James was always joking that Sirius made a better dog than person. Remus didn’t know Sirius took it so seriously. “Padfoot IS Sirius,” he assured him. “Although, Sirius is a much better kisser,” he added.
Sirius licked Remus’ face with a grin. Remus chortled because it tickled then stopped abruptly with a finger over his lips. He didn’t want Sirius to get caught now. They hastily sorted out Remus’ pyjamas so he could put them on.
“Moon soon after school goes back,” Sirius whispered. “Maybe we could try-not the whole sausage in a bun, just, you know. A bit beyond the basic instinctive bum-sniff in case things aren’t as compatible as we’d like.”
“Yeah.” The werewolf brain couldn’t retain human memories but perhaps it could recall other sensations, particularly now Remus and Sirius were a couple. “If it doesn’t…”
Sirius shrugged. “I know you can’t help it.”
Remus asked for one more Sirius kiss before Padfoot had to run away during their morning walk. He realised something as their tongues tangoed and he broke oral contact. “Urgh, you’d been licking your own balls!”
Sirius chuckled. “Next time I’m licking yours,” he said into Remus’ ear and became Padfoot a moment before Mrs Lupin opened the bedroom door.
*~~~*
They tumbled about on the floor of the Shrieking Shack before the daytime moon exerted its influence, grateful to Wormtail and Prongs for giving them this time alone. It did seem that Remus became hornier in the immediate lead-up to a full moon. Unfortunately being aroused made him change prematurely, and quicker. An unexpected advantage was the ability to retain mental control. This must be how Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs felt. He took the opportunity to place Moony’s clawed limb over Padfoot’s hairy shoulder and affectionately lick his canine face to show that for now he was a combination of Remus and werewolf. Padfoot barked and doggy-kissed him back. They licked each other’s muzzles and tongues with excitement.
The two selves of Remus Lupin were merged for the first time. His werewolf senses made everything around him wonderful. His human affection made him more aware and grateful of the sacrifices Sirius made on his behalf. His combined mind was full of emotional and physical pleasure, sounds, smells, flavours and rampaging hormones.
Moony and Padfoot began to lick each other in unfamiliar, erogenous places. Then the werewolf asserted its full authority, and everything Remus was gone.
*~~~*
Remus remembered as his exhausted body and brain adjusted to being human again. What Moony did to Padfoot was primal, instinctive-and wrong. He pretended he wasn’t recovering just yet because if the Remus brain remained aware of everything that occurred then Sirius certainly would. He heard the familiar tread of bipedal Sirius Black leave the room to pee and felt sick. Remus huddled into a ball of dread and guilt. Sirius didn’t say anything as he came back, retrieved his clothes from the hiding place above the ceiling and put them on. Nothing felt or sounded right.
“Sirius, I’m sorry,” said the wretched bundle of Remus.
The husky reply proved Sirius wasn’t happy with what went on, despite knowing in advance that things could go wrong. “For future reference Moony, when we have hands and only two feet, I’M top.”
“Okay,” Remus replied hoarsely.
Sirius walked heavily to the door then back to quickly, barely, kiss Remus on the cheek before hotfooting it back to Hogwarts. Hopefully Sirius understood Remus’ distress, but Remus doubted it. He stayed precisely where he was until Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore came to see why he hadn’t returned.
*~~~*
He couldn’t look Sirius in the eye. He couldn’t look his way at all. James and Peter didn’t harass either of them. Did they assume Sirius and Remus had broken up? If Sirius told them what happened then none of them would be friends with Remus anymore. He wouldn’t blame them.
Remus wrote down most of what he needed to say with the crux of the message on the envelope: I didn’t want it to happen that way either
Hopefully that would tempt Sirius to read the rest:
I don’t understand why my Moony body was ready for that kind of relationship, because the rest of me isn’t. I wanted to take things slowly, learning together, with every first occurring between Sirius and Remus, not Moony and Padfoot. I want to say the rest, the most important part, to your face but am afraid of seeing disgust in your eyes for what I did. I’m afraid you now think that is the true me. It isn’t.
Regrets, Remus.
He left it on Sirius Black’s pillow and went to be early, emotionally exhausted.
*~~~*
The familiar scent of Sirius’ favoured aftershave preceded his comforting weight settling at the end of Remus’ bed.
“Lumos,” Remus said quietly and the wand on his bedside glowed softly. Sirius was looking at him with the letter open in his hand.
“I think everything written here is rather important, don’t you?” Sirius said without hesitation.
Remus nodded.
“Which leaves me wondering, what could possibly be more important than anything you’ve already said?”
“I love you,” Remus replied with an affectionate smile.
Sirius smiled too. “That would be it.” He grabbed Remus’ ankle through the bed covers. “I love you too.”
“Did I hurt you?” Remus needed to know and hoped Sirius would be honest.
Sirius nodded and touched a finger to his chest, over his heart. “Here more than anywhere else. I could tell when you’d gone, see. Remus asks, shares, reciprocates. The werewolf simply took.”
“No more being alone and romantic before a change,” Remus assured him.
“Not for a long while, no, and not unless we have time to finish everything before it begins.”
“You still want to everything with me?”
“More than before,” Sirius admitted. “I understand now what you mean about you being a werewolf but the werewolf isn’t you. When you came back, you were as upset as I’d been. My brain stays pretty much the same so I had a little time to think about what happened and start thinking it through. Padfoot watched Moony become Remus but I saw my boyfriend become crippled by guilt and shame, which is why I couldn’t leave you there without kissing you goodbye. The heart of Remus Lupin is more impressively huge than Moony the werewolf’s shlong.”
Remus stared in disbelief. “You can’t help yourself can you? Every conversation has to be injected with bodily humour!” He forgot to whisper.
“Crack the code Moony,” Peter suggested loudly.
Remus didn’t understand. Sirius looked at the note in his hand with uncharacteristic bashfulness.
“Whenever Sirius is overwhelmed by how much he loves you…” James left the explanation dangling so Remus would figure it out.
“He says something rude as a diversion,” Peter concluded when Remus remained silent.
“Please don’t fuck in here,” James added sternly as Remus and Sirius began a vigorous kiss.
“Seriously,” Peter agreed. “Sharing a room with you love-struck pups sucks dog’s balls!”
Silence hit Peter like a brick, followed by every pillow in the room.
Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders)
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: M 15+ Words: 3490
Warnings: adolescent humour, typical canine behaviour, reference to werewolf-dog date rape
Disclaimer: characters created by JK Rowling
Summary: Sirius has a one-track mind, terminus Remus. Their first moon alone in the Shrieking Shack doesn’t go quite to plan. Can Sirius forgive Remus for actions beyond his control? Can Remus forgive himself?
Sux Dog’s Balls
“Ever licked yourself?” was Sirius Black’s initial response to Remus Lupin’s admission that yes, he was a werewolf. “You know, while…?”
Remus wondered why he expected any different.
*~~~*
The black dog was massive, almost as tall at the shoulder as the stag. Potter was such a proud and posturing peacock that Remus immediately concluded the hart was James. The question Sirius asked three years ago revealed the dog’s human identity. Remus reached out to pat his head. Sirius nipped playfully then sat back on his haunches, panting happily with his eyes closed while moving his head into the touch.
“If you chose that shape so you could lick yourself…” Remus began threateningly once his tremendous friends resumed their natural forms.
“First thing I did!” Sirius declared with a hearty laugh.
James and Peter’s noses crinkled in disgust as they both nodded. Remus despaired.
*~~~*
His first werewolf boner had scared the crap out of him. He’d been mortified by Madam Pomfrey’s unorthodox version of The Talk and too traumatised to speak about it to his friends. Now Peter, James and Sirius were Animagi they discovered it for themselves and Remus had no choice but to discuss it.
“It doesn’t happen every time,” he explained once they reached the safety of their dorm room.
“Good thing too or every male werewolf would starve to death,” Sirius declared.
“How do you run with that javelin between your legs?” James exclaimed. “Better to have a teensy weensy peanut like Wormtail.”
“At least mine’s in proportion Prongs, what’s your excuse?” Peter countered.
Sirius laughed loudly at James’ insistence that he was not jealous of Moony’s shlong. Remus smiled. He had the best friends in the universe.
*~~~*
“If you think about it,” James said quietly as Sirius showered in the ensuite attached to Remus’ room at home, “there could be another reason Padfoot chose a dog.”
“Meaning?” Remus asked while dealing another round of Exploding Snap. Music played loudly in his room so his parents wouldn’t notice that a) neither he nor James were in the shower, and b) the large, stray shaggy dog that followed Remus home when the summer holiday began was nowhere to be found.
“Whose bed has Padfoot slept on every night this holiday? Not mine. Must be the…”
“Shut up.”
James slapped his hand onto the matching cards and they blew up. “That’s the first snap you’ve missed since we met Moony, which suggests you either know I’m right, or you hope I’m right.”
Sirius vigorously towel dried his hair as he left the ensuite. As he’d been a dog all week and would be again once he was dry, he remained naked. His eyes met Remus’ as though daring him to look lower, which was always tempting.
“I hope you’re right,” Remus admitted to James as he stood to take his turn to shower.
“So?” he heard Sirius whisper tentatively. Remus did not catch the response from James, only Sirius’ victoriously hissed “Yes!” Now Remus knew.
*~~~*
“I couldn’t become a werewolf or ordinary wolf,” Sirius explained the next night while James showered and brushed his teeth before bed.
“Trust me. You don’t want to be a werewolf.”
“So if we’re destined to be together forever and I asked you to marry me, you wouldn’t bite me on our honeymoon?”
“No.” Remus couldn’t believe Sirius thought such a thing would be romantic.
“That’s what I thought.”
“I’m relieved to know you aren’t a complete idiot.”
Sirius grinned and nervously touched Remus’ hand across the bed. “I don’t want you to be alone Remus. This is the best I could do.”
Remus linked their fingers together and shuffled a little closer. “I love you too Sirius. Have since Third Year,” he admitted.
Sirius kissed him for the first time. Remus leaned in for a second. A Lupin parent knocked on the bedroom door and opened it without waiting for a reply. Sirius was so efficient at becoming Padfoot that Mrs Lupin scolded her son for letting that stray dog lick his face.
“We know you’re equally fond of each other Remus, but we still don’t know where this mysterious Padfoot came from. He may have diseases, or a loving family missing him.” Mrs Lupin scratched the dog’s head affectionately as she said it. Padfoot wagged his tail and nuzzled her hand. She grabbed his muzzle in both hands. “Ooh, you’re a beautiful boy. Would you love our Remus as much when the moon is full? Hm? Would you?”
Padfoot wagged his tail with great enthusiasm and barked. Remus hugged him, burying his face in warm, clean, shaggy fur. His mother sighed. “I hope we don’t have to send him away.” Then she said goodnight and closed the door again on her way out.
“Strange how you much your parents love me as Padfoot, yet lock the doors when you ask if Sirius can visit.”
“I love you either way,” Remus said softly and they kissed again.
*~~~*
The Lupins were taking James to the Potters a few hours before the moon became full. He subtly mentioned the research the Marauders had done regarding animal companions for werewolves, claiming it was part of their DADA unit on dark creatures.
“My parents know you all know, James. That’s why they’re both taking you home, to talk to your parents about it.”
“Oh. So they already think getting you a pet is a great idea?” James petted Padfoot’s head, which sat heavily across James’ lap.
“We’re already suspecting the appearance of Padfoot is no coincidence, if that’s what you mean James.” Mr Lupin looked sternly at the two boys as he waited for the Portkey to become active.
“I reckon them finding each other like this is destiny,” James said without teasing. He curled his hand around Padfoot’s ear. “He’s a terrific best friend, aren’t you Padfoot? Even better now he’s not chewing everything and weeing everywhere anymore.” Moony had Padfoot properly housetrained after numerous visits to the Shrieking Shack. “Remus still gets lonely although he’s no longer alone. They’re of great benefit to each other.”
Padfoot cocked his head in Remus’ direction. Remus smiled, mildly embarrassed by the depth of James’ friendship and his endorsement of a romantic relationship. “The last full moon was certainly more pleasant thanks to having Padfoot around,” Remus admitted. James laughed as Padfoot barked happily and frolicked around the room.
“Alright, we’ll hold off the search for Padfoot’s true home until after the moon. But if something goes wrong, or we find out he’s stolen,” Mrs Lupin warned.
Padfoot capered about with such excitement he tripped and fell in a heap. James and Remus piled on top of him and he licked their faces vigorously. James winked at Remus and ruffled the fur around Padfoot’s neck. “I’m going to miss you, you great hairy galoot. Take good care of each other.”
The friends sensed parental reluctance to leave the dog with Remus despite both boys’ assurances that everyone would be perfectly safe, unaware that James knew precisely how dangerous their son could be. The Lupins eventually relented and locked them both in their son’s reinforced bedroom. Padfoot became Sirius the moment the Portkey left. He and Remus explored their newfound love by kissing until the transformation began.
“You don’t find it a bit embarrassing that every time we’ve kissed I’ve been entirely clothed and you’ve been completely naked?” Remus asked.
“Yes, but only because I sometimes imagine you naked while we’re kissing and…” Sirius edged away and adjusted his legs to disguise what he was talking about.
Remus took his clothes off like he did before every change. He looked directly into his boyfriend’s eyes while undressing. Sirius held his gaze. True he’d seen Remus naked a dozen times, thanks more to sharing a dormitory than witnessing the change to werewolf and back, but there was something more erotic in Sirius’ stare than if he’d begun ogling Remus’ erection. They let their fingers enjoy each other’s bare skin while they kissed.
“Either you’ve been fantasising about playing with me, or this moon thing makes you super horny,” Sirius quipped as their hands slowly ventured lower.
“I guess we’ll have to see if there’s a pat-tern,” Remus replied. The last word broke painfully. He rolled off the bed and hurried into the corner furthest from Sirius. His boyfriend immediately became the huge black dog. “That was too close,” Remus said before pain shot through the marrow of every bone. “I could, have scratched you,” he groaned while he still had the ability to speak. Padfoot deftly leapt from the bed and snuggled against him. Canine body heat made the grind of bone and tear of ligament less agonising but the transformation still hurt. Remus felt no urge to bite and maim himself or his companion. Although guilty about letting his guard down, for once he was not entirely horrified by what he was.
*~~~*
Remus lay weak and shivering from the change back. His parents granted him the dignity of letting him recover unsupervised from a certain age. He would call-or howl-if he needed them. There had been a grill in his bedroom door before then so one parent or both could watch over him, sharing his pain and loving him through it.
Now he had Sirius. Sirius shifted, lifted Remus onto the bed, lay directly behind him and covered them both before becoming Padfoot again. His increased body heat was comforting. Remus slept.
*~~~*
Summer reached its peak. Sirius remained undiscovered and would be going to the Potter’s soon, having spent every summer at his best friend’s house since they became friends. Now he lived there. James explained this extended absence with a fictional vacation with his cousin Andromeda. Sirius and James would be seventeen and able to legally apparate before school began. The plan was for them to return with Peter and take Remus to Kings Cross using side-along. Remus dreaded it, yet couldn’t wait.
He lazily dangled a hand over the edge of his bed in order to stroke Padfoot’s fur as he had whenever he woke up as Remus rather than Moony. It was a more sociable cure for morning erection than wanking. Padfoot wasn’t there. He’d probably gone ‘walkies’. Remus propped up on both elbows to check and stifled a laugh when he spotted Padfoot in a corner, nudging his nuggets with his nose. Sirius had been a dog for most of the holidays so animal instinct was bound to take over. Long, pink, soft yet rough tongue flicked out and … added a new dimension to Remus’ wood.
Sirius said he chose a dog because he couldn’t shift into a werewolf so they could be equals, and eventually mate. Remus wondered what it would feel like, the freedom to copulate in either shape. Not that they’d done anything beyond those introductory kisses and touches in Marauder form. During these past weeks Padfoot licked his face from time to time. How would his human mouth feel against Remus’ skin, have his tongue…? Remus slid a hand over his pyjama pants and pressed down to restrain his lust. Unfortunately the contact made it burn brighter. Padfoot continued his doggy masturbation in the corner while Remus wanked as discretely as possible in bed. A sound of canine curiosity caused Remus to look across. Padfoot’s head cocked in his direction, ears pricked up and Remus caught an unintentional eyeful of pink poochy prick poking out of its furry overcoat. ‘Like mine when it’s moon time,’ he thought, only not as big. Sirius was the one Marauder the others hadn’t seen erect in either bodily form. Remus had touched him that once as Sirius, without looking, and not there. His guilt for seeing it like this was overshadowed by a sensation of deeper similarities as their eyes met. Padfoot became Sirius and crawled toward the bed. Remus had no qualms about looking now. Sirius Black’s status as the most gorgeous male at Hogwarts had been secure since they were fourteen. He was tall and lean without being gangly. His dark hair curled naturally without becoming ringlets and his darker eyes radiated defiant vitality. Remus leaned forward to welcome Sirius into his bed then, hurried to get equally naked. They kissed. They touched. They made softly startled sounds because neither had touched anyone else there before. Without discussing it they continued kissing as they lay down and brought each other off.
Each huddled their face in the crook of the other’s shoulder and neck. “I can’t believe that’s your cum on my hand,” Sirius said in quiet amazement. They snuck simultaneous peeks to confirm it and smiled at the silliness of their previous doubts. Remus kissed Sirius’ collarbone. Sirius shivered slightly and snuggled closer against him, embrace tightening.
Remus eagerly joined the cuddle. “Do you think James was taking the piss when he said we were destined to find each other?” he asked. He felt Sirius nod.
“I hope he’s right. Although, if that means you had to be bitten as a child in order to love me, then I hope he’s wrong.”
“So, if,” Remus began shakily.
“If they find a cure I’ll still love you.”
“I wish I could change because I felt like it, like you do, not because I have to. Not that I would,” he hastened to add.
“Not into a legendary killing machine, you mean?”
Remus nodded. It was the lack of control that bothered him more than the physical trauma. Sirius used his clean hand to comb through Remus’ hair and touch his face. “You make me feel as beautiful as you are by doing that,” Remus whispered. Sirius kissed his lips before he could turn away and hide his embarrassment.
“I like the way you looked at me changed when I did Remus. I’m glad you prefer this body to the other one. But what about me?” Sirius stared at Remus’ bare shoulder as he asked. “Do you like me more as Padfoot or Sirius?”
James was always joking that Sirius made a better dog than person. Remus didn’t know Sirius took it so seriously. “Padfoot IS Sirius,” he assured him. “Although, Sirius is a much better kisser,” he added.
Sirius licked Remus’ face with a grin. Remus chortled because it tickled then stopped abruptly with a finger over his lips. He didn’t want Sirius to get caught now. They hastily sorted out Remus’ pyjamas so he could put them on.
“Moon soon after school goes back,” Sirius whispered. “Maybe we could try-not the whole sausage in a bun, just, you know. A bit beyond the basic instinctive bum-sniff in case things aren’t as compatible as we’d like.”
“Yeah.” The werewolf brain couldn’t retain human memories but perhaps it could recall other sensations, particularly now Remus and Sirius were a couple. “If it doesn’t…”
Sirius shrugged. “I know you can’t help it.”
Remus asked for one more Sirius kiss before Padfoot had to run away during their morning walk. He realised something as their tongues tangoed and he broke oral contact. “Urgh, you’d been licking your own balls!”
Sirius chuckled. “Next time I’m licking yours,” he said into Remus’ ear and became Padfoot a moment before Mrs Lupin opened the bedroom door.
*~~~*
They tumbled about on the floor of the Shrieking Shack before the daytime moon exerted its influence, grateful to Wormtail and Prongs for giving them this time alone. It did seem that Remus became hornier in the immediate lead-up to a full moon. Unfortunately being aroused made him change prematurely, and quicker. An unexpected advantage was the ability to retain mental control. This must be how Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs felt. He took the opportunity to place Moony’s clawed limb over Padfoot’s hairy shoulder and affectionately lick his canine face to show that for now he was a combination of Remus and werewolf. Padfoot barked and doggy-kissed him back. They licked each other’s muzzles and tongues with excitement.
The two selves of Remus Lupin were merged for the first time. His werewolf senses made everything around him wonderful. His human affection made him more aware and grateful of the sacrifices Sirius made on his behalf. His combined mind was full of emotional and physical pleasure, sounds, smells, flavours and rampaging hormones.
Moony and Padfoot began to lick each other in unfamiliar, erogenous places. Then the werewolf asserted its full authority, and everything Remus was gone.
*~~~*
Remus remembered as his exhausted body and brain adjusted to being human again. What Moony did to Padfoot was primal, instinctive-and wrong. He pretended he wasn’t recovering just yet because if the Remus brain remained aware of everything that occurred then Sirius certainly would. He heard the familiar tread of bipedal Sirius Black leave the room to pee and felt sick. Remus huddled into a ball of dread and guilt. Sirius didn’t say anything as he came back, retrieved his clothes from the hiding place above the ceiling and put them on. Nothing felt or sounded right.
“Sirius, I’m sorry,” said the wretched bundle of Remus.
The husky reply proved Sirius wasn’t happy with what went on, despite knowing in advance that things could go wrong. “For future reference Moony, when we have hands and only two feet, I’M top.”
“Okay,” Remus replied hoarsely.
Sirius walked heavily to the door then back to quickly, barely, kiss Remus on the cheek before hotfooting it back to Hogwarts. Hopefully Sirius understood Remus’ distress, but Remus doubted it. He stayed precisely where he was until Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore came to see why he hadn’t returned.
*~~~*
He couldn’t look Sirius in the eye. He couldn’t look his way at all. James and Peter didn’t harass either of them. Did they assume Sirius and Remus had broken up? If Sirius told them what happened then none of them would be friends with Remus anymore. He wouldn’t blame them.
Remus wrote down most of what he needed to say with the crux of the message on the envelope: I didn’t want it to happen that way either
Hopefully that would tempt Sirius to read the rest:
I don’t understand why my Moony body was ready for that kind of relationship, because the rest of me isn’t. I wanted to take things slowly, learning together, with every first occurring between Sirius and Remus, not Moony and Padfoot. I want to say the rest, the most important part, to your face but am afraid of seeing disgust in your eyes for what I did. I’m afraid you now think that is the true me. It isn’t.
Regrets, Remus.
He left it on Sirius Black’s pillow and went to be early, emotionally exhausted.
*~~~*
The familiar scent of Sirius’ favoured aftershave preceded his comforting weight settling at the end of Remus’ bed.
“Lumos,” Remus said quietly and the wand on his bedside glowed softly. Sirius was looking at him with the letter open in his hand.
“I think everything written here is rather important, don’t you?” Sirius said without hesitation.
Remus nodded.
“Which leaves me wondering, what could possibly be more important than anything you’ve already said?”
“I love you,” Remus replied with an affectionate smile.
Sirius smiled too. “That would be it.” He grabbed Remus’ ankle through the bed covers. “I love you too.”
“Did I hurt you?” Remus needed to know and hoped Sirius would be honest.
Sirius nodded and touched a finger to his chest, over his heart. “Here more than anywhere else. I could tell when you’d gone, see. Remus asks, shares, reciprocates. The werewolf simply took.”
“No more being alone and romantic before a change,” Remus assured him.
“Not for a long while, no, and not unless we have time to finish everything before it begins.”
“You still want to everything with me?”
“More than before,” Sirius admitted. “I understand now what you mean about you being a werewolf but the werewolf isn’t you. When you came back, you were as upset as I’d been. My brain stays pretty much the same so I had a little time to think about what happened and start thinking it through. Padfoot watched Moony become Remus but I saw my boyfriend become crippled by guilt and shame, which is why I couldn’t leave you there without kissing you goodbye. The heart of Remus Lupin is more impressively huge than Moony the werewolf’s shlong.”
Remus stared in disbelief. “You can’t help yourself can you? Every conversation has to be injected with bodily humour!” He forgot to whisper.
“Crack the code Moony,” Peter suggested loudly.
Remus didn’t understand. Sirius looked at the note in his hand with uncharacteristic bashfulness.
“Whenever Sirius is overwhelmed by how much he loves you…” James left the explanation dangling so Remus would figure it out.
“He says something rude as a diversion,” Peter concluded when Remus remained silent.
“Please don’t fuck in here,” James added sternly as Remus and Sirius began a vigorous kiss.
“Seriously,” Peter agreed. “Sharing a room with you love-struck pups sucks dog’s balls!”
Silence hit Peter like a brick, followed by every pillow in the room.