[Table Challenge] - Howler - January/Prompt # 5
Fandom: Harry Potter Disclaimer: characters and source material created by JK Rowling
Title: Pillock
Claim: Howler
Character(s) : Neville, Ginny, Gryffindors, Draco
Table/Prompt: January #
Word Count: 455
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Howlers aren't the most private means of communication
Pillock
A school owl followed Colin Creevey through the portrait of the Fat Lady, into the Gryffindor common room and dropped a red envelope onto Neville’s lap.
Neville was asleep in the well-worn chair and so did not notice the Howler’s arrival or the scurrying of Gryffindors to the farthest wall, hiding behind curtains and each other as they waited for it to go off. By the looks of the angrily bulging envelope, there was no time to escape properly.
“NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, YOU ABSOLUTE PILLOCK!”
Neville jumped so high the armchair tipped over. He ducked behind it as though it was a shield.
“HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT FORM OF BOLLOCKING NONSENSE I HAD TO MAKE UP TO EXPLAIN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR GRYFFINDOR TIE AROUND MY BEDPOST?”
All eyes turned to Neville’s neck and chest. Neville wore his House ties whenever he wore a collared shirt. Ron used to joke that he even wore one with pyjamas because he was so proud of being a Gryffindor. For some reason he had a Slytherin one on instead. Neville’s face became almost the same shade of red as the hollering Howler.
“NOT TO MENTION THE UNDERWEAR LEFT BESIDE BLAISE’S BED WITH YOUR FULL NAME LOVINGLY HANDSTITCHED INTO THE WAISTBAND BY YOUR DOTING GRANDMOTHER?”
That was probably the reason.
“IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH AN ORGASMIC SHAG, I’D DUMP YOUR MORONIC ARSE.”
The Howler combusted after concluding its message. Neville stared at the drifting ashes as his fellow Gryffindors continued to stare at him. He was supposed to be alone, in greenhouse seven, but he’d fallen asleep after teaching the First Years shielding charms. By the feel of things, they’d soon be needing them just to open the common room door without being attacked.
“Um, Neville,” Ginny asked, carefully uncovering the ears of a cowering First Year and stepping forward. “Whose voice was that?”
“Eh? I dunno. Someone playing a prank.”
“Whose tie are you wearing?” Ginny asked with a hint of mischief as she came closer still.
“Eh-er.”
“It wouldn’t belong to that voice, would it?” Then Ginny leant down to whisper near Neville’s ear. “Because if you’re shagging Draco Malfoy then I’m going to be forced to agree with him and call you an absolute pillock-unless, of course, the occasional sneaky bout of kinky bum-sex is actually a way of gathering information for the Order.”
“Yeah, that’s, that’s exactly what it is.”
*~~~*
Draco frowned at the Howler that almost landed in his soup for a split second before snatching it up and running out of the Great Hall with it-too slow. He caught his tie as the envelope opened.
“I WASN’T ALONE, YOU PILLOCK!”
Draco casually put on his tie and smirked at Longbottom. “I know.”
Title: Pillock
Claim: Howler
Character(s) : Neville, Ginny, Gryffindors, Draco
Table/Prompt: January #
Word Count: 455
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Howlers aren't the most private means of communication
Pillock
A school owl followed Colin Creevey through the portrait of the Fat Lady, into the Gryffindor common room and dropped a red envelope onto Neville’s lap.
Neville was asleep in the well-worn chair and so did not notice the Howler’s arrival or the scurrying of Gryffindors to the farthest wall, hiding behind curtains and each other as they waited for it to go off. By the looks of the angrily bulging envelope, there was no time to escape properly.
“NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, YOU ABSOLUTE PILLOCK!”
Neville jumped so high the armchair tipped over. He ducked behind it as though it was a shield.
“HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT FORM OF BOLLOCKING NONSENSE I HAD TO MAKE UP TO EXPLAIN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR GRYFFINDOR TIE AROUND MY BEDPOST?”
All eyes turned to Neville’s neck and chest. Neville wore his House ties whenever he wore a collared shirt. Ron used to joke that he even wore one with pyjamas because he was so proud of being a Gryffindor. For some reason he had a Slytherin one on instead. Neville’s face became almost the same shade of red as the hollering Howler.
“NOT TO MENTION THE UNDERWEAR LEFT BESIDE BLAISE’S BED WITH YOUR FULL NAME LOVINGLY HANDSTITCHED INTO THE WAISTBAND BY YOUR DOTING GRANDMOTHER?”
That was probably the reason.
“IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH AN ORGASMIC SHAG, I’D DUMP YOUR MORONIC ARSE.”
The Howler combusted after concluding its message. Neville stared at the drifting ashes as his fellow Gryffindors continued to stare at him. He was supposed to be alone, in greenhouse seven, but he’d fallen asleep after teaching the First Years shielding charms. By the feel of things, they’d soon be needing them just to open the common room door without being attacked.
“Um, Neville,” Ginny asked, carefully uncovering the ears of a cowering First Year and stepping forward. “Whose voice was that?”
“Eh? I dunno. Someone playing a prank.”
“Whose tie are you wearing?” Ginny asked with a hint of mischief as she came closer still.
“Eh-er.”
“It wouldn’t belong to that voice, would it?” Then Ginny leant down to whisper near Neville’s ear. “Because if you’re shagging Draco Malfoy then I’m going to be forced to agree with him and call you an absolute pillock-unless, of course, the occasional sneaky bout of kinky bum-sex is actually a way of gathering information for the Order.”
“Yeah, that’s, that’s exactly what it is.”
*~~~*
Draco frowned at the Howler that almost landed in his soup for a split second before snatching it up and running out of the Great Hall with it-too slow. He caught his tie as the envelope opened.
“I WASN’T ALONE, YOU PILLOCK!”
Draco casually put on his tie and smirked at Longbottom. “I know.”