A Night Without Regret (8/11)
Title: A Night Without Regret 8/11
pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Gwen/Lancelot
word count = 2564
Series Rating: 17+
Disclaimer: Characters adapted from BBC reproductions of key characters from Arthurian legend.
Warning:
Beta:
Summary: It all began when Merlin received an invitation to a party the likes of which he never knew existed. Further schemes are hatched. It's been a while since part 7 was posted so here are links to the story so far:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
8.1
“Arthur, we need to talk.” Merlin managed to keep any hesitancy from manner and voice as he placed the royal meal on the table.
“Indeed we do,” Arthur agreed from inside a clean shirt as he pulled it on over bath-damp hair. “I’ve arranged to dine with Lancelot and Guinevere this evening. Father has already concocted an alibi to explain my absence to Lady Kerensa and her offspring. You will be joining us won’t you?”
He ruffled his hair in a futile attempt to dry it further. Merlin wanted to sit him on the end of the bed and vigorously rub his head with a towel while they talked, but there was no time for what that might lead to. Merlin had never thought about sex so much in his life. Every little oddity that had become an integral part of his relationship with Arthur now seemed nothing more than an opportunity for foreplay. Knowing it must never happen again caused such thoughts to taunt him.
“No Arthur, I won’t. Gaius,” Merlin’s invented excuse was decapitated by a wave of Arthur’s hand.
“Don’t lie. He knows. If you’re brushing me off at least have the decency to be honest about it.” Arthur suspected Merlin’s theme for discussion might be more ominous than his and had tried to distract him from it. How much emotional torment was Arthur expected to endure in twenty four hours? Best get this over with. He gestured for Merlin to sit next to him and gave him an apple. “So talk, don’t drag it out.”
Merlin looked at the apple and verbally poured his heart into it. Merlin’s finger touched the skin of the apple and it began to spin. The motion of the fruit sped and slowed to match Merlin’s speech. Arthur would have laughed if he wasn’t caught in the same turmoil.
“I love you, hopefully you understand how truly I mean that and how deeply I feel it but… Last night my magic… I’m not entirely sure I’m human after what it did. Being with you… I discovered I can change the universe. I would, for you and that isn’t right. Until I learn to control this power within me we can’t.” The apple ceased. Merlin gently flattened hands palms against the table top.
“Then you better get practicing.”
Arthur’s soft, matter-of-fact reply turned Merlin’s eyes in his direction. Although his focus appeared to be on his plate Merlin saw the remainder of his thought as if the words were written around him: I refuse to lose you to my father’s executioner or to your magic. Merlin rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur’s cheek immediately rested upon Merlin’s dark hair and a strong arm curved around his back.
They sat like that until the altered angle of the sun let them know they lingered too long.
8.2
Things had changed since the three visitors were last in Camelot. Lives had taken new directions down unexpected paths.
“Did you notice your brother’s behaviour toward the warlock?” Kerensa asked Rioghnach as the younger blond woman reacquainted herself with familiar rooms. Rioghnach would not be sleeping here though.
“Perhaps you should abandon this plan of regaining her rightful throne through incestuous marriage and arrange a marriage between yourself and Uther as previously suggested. Then this new element can be used to our advantage, allowing us to eliminate both threats at once. When you murder your husband, we shed our disguises and Morgana becomes queen. A far less complicated plan,” Drostan stated calmly.
“Do not use our true names,” Rioghnach scolded mildly. “The enchantment binding us to these disguises is strengthened each time our enemies speak them and weakened when we do.”
“My apologies Sister,” Drostan replied with amusement. Morgana’s name was spoken so often she would likely continue to resemble Arthur Pendragon’s cousin three weeks after death.
“The boy has a point. Time to encourage some gossip among the peasantry, come along children,” Lady Kerensa frowned at her reflection. “I expected the favoured cousin of Ygraine to have more fashionable taste.”
8.3
Books!
A man can never have access to too many books!
It was this shared sentiment that ensured Sir Geoffrey and plain Gaius remained the closest of platonic friends during and after the Great Purge. Gaius kept hush on the quantities of books that had not been burned and Geoffrey kept hush when Gaius perused them.
“If only the king knew how often information he ordered destroyed saved his kingdom!” Sir Geoffrey exclaimed, fondly replacing several books that did not meet Gaius’ needs.
“Then we would both be dead. I think this is the one. I shall return it via the usual processes.”
“And I shall continue to know nothing about those processes. Now about this boil…”
His eyes may be old and tired but Gaius had learned the trick to reading rapidly in his youth and while it appeared to be magic it most certainly was not. His body insisted the time approached midnight when the sun insisted early evening. The odd rise and fall of Merlin’s moods during the day roused suspicion, a suspicion fed by similar behaviour in the Crown Prince.
There had to be something he could find to help. He had to find it soon. Whatever had happened during the dark hours of the longest night had such a profound impact on Merlin’s power it became a visible sheen on the surface of his skin. If left unchecked it would eventually become an aura and then even those without latent magical ability would see him for what he was.
Here!
Gaius did the unthinkable and performed an enchantment that copied the necessary information onto one of many blank parchments tightly rolled and hidden in the legs of his bed. He really should teach Merlin that one so he wasn’t continually lugging forgeries in and out of the castle library.
“Silly me,” he said as he passed Geoffrey on his way out of the library. “I have had that information all along and only now remembered where it is written down.”
“Such is the price of a long life my friend, we fail to remember half of it.”
8.4
“You’re late!”
No, actually, Merlin was early. “Earlier than Lancelot and Gwen anyway,” he muttered.
“I needed to run something by you first and you’ve left no opportunity for leading up to it so here goes:”
Nothing came out of Arthur’s open mouth but silence.
“Yes, I see why that couldn’t wait, very interesting.”
“Shut up. You’ve just made everything worse as usual. We can’t, you say, look: there’s a ceremony associated with the kind of party we went to. Did anyone explain the important relationship between certain names?”
Arthur’s verbal wandering made Merlin confused before he finally said something that made sense. “Yes, like ours.”
Merlin’s shoulder was given a squeeze. “Precisely, like ours. This ceremony occurs before partnered names are taken…”
“Like a betrothal? But…”
“I know nothing physical can happen between us until you master your power but…”
His expression coupled with the minute trembling of his hand on Merlin’s shoulder said it all. He asked me first, he is going to properly propose to Gwen in a matter of minutes and asked to be bound to me in that other world first!
Merlin answered with a kiss warm and soft as a breath. “I’d like that.”
8.5
Lancelot found Arthur’s good humour contagious and settled back to thoroughly enjoy the company of his friends once he realised nothing kinky would be going on. The four shared battle stories and Lancelot was pleased with the praise Gwen received from prince and warlock.
“So they should boast on your behalf,” he insisted jovially at her modest protests. “You are far too humble. That a warrior such as Arthur considers your courage and efforts worth bragging about is no small thing.”
“Arthur’s just saying that because he thinks I’m cute, and you’re no better!”
The companions laughed comfortably. Her words held no sting. He could feel her conflicting love for them both and admired her. Where others may see Gwen’s indecision for weakness he saw it for what it was: the inability to break a heart without justification. If Gwen could love one man a smidgeon more than the other, enough to tip the balance, if she felt one man’s affection less worthy of reciprocation then there would be no hesitation on her part. He loved her and could see why Arthur did. In truth he found it more difficult to understand how any man could not! Arthur’s shrewd gaze indicated he saw to the truth of the matter and the tone quickly turned serious as he spoke.
“I have a tremendous favour to ask of you Lancelot, one that will ask you to sacrifice a hefty portion of your happiness on behalf of my people - our people. It will not be taken completely from you because that would not be fair to any of us seated at this table. A compromise of the heart and hopefully not of your superior morals,” Arthur introduced the topic at the centre of this gathering.
By the pride on Merlin’s face and the shy yet bright curiosity in Gwen’s this had nothing to do with debauchery, everything to do with making Gwen ‘Queen Guinevere of Camelot’. How could it not destroy Lancelot’s hopes of happiness completely?
“Let’s here this marginally immoral compromise,” Lancelot prompted lightly.
Arthur looked to Merlin who smiled with his eyes, nothing more, nothing less and Arthur turned back to Lancelot and continued. “You and I share a profound love for a remarkable woman, the only woman I have ever considered to be a worthy future Queen of Camelot. In asking your permission to marry Guinevere and elevate her to that position I also offer the opportunity for you both to share a legitimate romantic union away from public eyes.”
“How can adultery be legitimate?” Gwen asked pointedly, although her moral high ground sat upon a foundation of hope. Could she really be spared the choice and be happy without making someone else miserable?
“Told you it was adultery,” Merlin declared smugly. Arthur’s kick to Merlin’s shin beneath the table made his pompous smile grow into a grin.
Lancelot leaned forward and asked for further information. Surprisingly Arthur turned to Gwen first and asked her a question.
“Do you remember a particular invitation-only party we attended recently?”
“You call that recently? Do you live as long as a tortoise?”
Arthur let that go although Merlin chortled. “Ever wonder why you have only been invited to one?”
“I assumed you are a pig,” Gwen quipped and Merlin guffawed. Gwen’s eyes remained merry as she turned to him. “Mr Chuckles here is the other reason.”
Lancelot laughed as Merlin stopped and flushed a shade of red deeper than his scarf and Arthur’s shirt.
“Two out of three isn’t bad. Do you remember any of the Green rules particularly the ones pertaining to outside marriage?” Arthur asked calmly. He wasn’t about to defend Merlin’s honour if it meant denying those too few hours they spent together. Until Merlin harnessed his magical talents there’d be no more of that and Arthur had to consider the very real possibility that he would never be naked with Merlin again.
“I’m not a noble.”
“If you and Lancelot agree, then when we marry you will be. If we both refer Lancelot for membership with the express purpose of being your fidelity companion your relationship will be considered honourable by the court and all our reputations remain untainted.”
“Fidelity companion, is that my official title?” Merlin asked with a hint of cheek and this time Arthur’s complexion took on a rosy pink hue.
As amusing as that was, Lancelot remained confused. “I fail to understand what any of you are prattling on about.”
“There are certain houses within Camelot’s extended borders where members of the nobility may meet socially with people society would normally forbid…”
“Not a bordello,” Gwen insisted hurriedly to allay Lancelot’s suspicions. Gwen had thought a similar thing when Arthur began explaining the true meaning of the green-edged card he placed in her hand. “No money or goods are exchanged just company. The Host provides a discreet location for conversation and romance, promising a night of friendly revelry without shame. It’s really quite lovely.”
Arthur replied directly to her lovely brown eyes. “I thought so too. Even as Queen there will be those who treat you as a glorified serving girl, as nothing more than a consort. Camelot needs you despite that. At least I can offer you a few nights per month of a guilt-free private relationship, free from external judgement with the man who didn’t have to change to deserve you.” He turned to Lancelot. “According to the Green rules you and Guinevere are to be considered married while on any Green property. At all other times and in public Guinevere will be my wife and any liaisons between you would carry the penalty attached to infidelity.” Lancelot, Guinevere and even Merlin were surprised when Arthur placed his hand on Merlin’s above the table for all present to see. “Just as any indiscretions between Merlin and I are punishable outside the confines of the Purple, understood?”
Merlin felt uncomfortable being publicly acknowledged as Arthur’s intended lover. Even though Lancelot, Gwen and Gawain were their closest friends and Gawain the naked swan clearly found nothing about a Purple party inappropriate, he knew Lancelot held very different ideas about what forms of behaviour between two men were acceptable.
Lancelot saw Merlin’s fright and Arthur’s disappointment as the warlock deliberately moved his hand away and placed it in his lap. Merlin must have misunderstood Lancelot’s meaning when he refused his subtle advances when the would-be knight first came to Camelot. He only meant that he personally didn’t find men appealing in such a manner, not that he found those attracted to other men unnatural.
“See Gwen, I told you they were married,” Lancelot quipped. Gwen laughed, Arthur’s lips quirked with supressed happiness, Merlin’s paling cheeks turned pink. “So Merlin, as the only person here who can fully empathise with my position, should I agree to this morally dubious plan as I am tempted to do?”
Gwen held her breath and crossed her fingers. If Merlin should say yes then Lancelot would say yes and Gwen could say yes. As intimidating as being Queen must be, to be Queen to a King such as Arthur promised to become and still maintain some small pocket of normalcy with Lancelot …
Merlin thought about Lancelot’s question from an unselfish perspective. No, he didn’t actually, but he tried! “Yes, yes you should.”
Gwen returned Arthur’s smile as his exhalation of relief coincided with hers. Only one barrier remained. Gwen watched the blond head turn to her other beloved, serious blue eyes showed no sign of accusation or threat.
“Lancelot?” Arthur asked simply.
Lancelot silently sought Gwen’s opinion. There was hope in her eyes, hope for a life of both love and duty. Mostly he saw love for him and hope he would understand why she could turn her back on neither. He did. Neither could he.
“Yes.”
Gwen threw her arms around Lancelot, Arthur shook his hand and Merlin smiled across the table. Together these four made Camelot a force to be reckoned with.
Part 8 Ends Part 9 Begins