festival of crap - oops, I mean advent day 8 & 9
Fandom: (Modern era) Merlin
Day 8
Pairing: none
Title: Horsing around
rated g
Disclaimer: characters absent without leave (or pay) from BBC
Summary: Morgana, Arthur, Gwen & Lancelot are sharing a house during their tertiary education. It's their first Christmas as a collective. Lancelot is worried about the disparity between the gifts he will be giving and those he will be receiving, especially when he remembers one gift Arthur intended to give his friend.
Lancelot knows his gifts are going to suck the most severely.
Not the ones he receives. With the combined buying power of uber-couple Arthur and Gwen and Morgana's independent wealth he is bound to rake in some serious bounty. What can a first-year motor mechanic and part time Martial Arts instructor provide that lot that they cannot buy themselves? Let's check that list again. Hm - NOTHING.
He hopes Pendragon doesn't go overboard this year, the memory of the Christmas he tried to give Lancelot a horse still fresh in his mind. They were eight and spending the holidays at some rural themed hell hole supposed to teach them character while providing opportunities for wholesome outdoor fun. Ha! It is to laugh.
On their first day Arthur fell off his horse.
Lancelot laughed.
Arthur shoved Lancelot into a pile of fresh manure, so fresh in fact the horse continued producing the stuff directly on top of Lancelot.
Arthur laughed.
Lancelot waited until the next day and shoved Arthur out of the hayloft. Arthur landed on a pair of teenagers getting fresh in the pile of hay below.
Lancelot and Arthur laughed.
The teenagers chased them with pitchforks then stole all their underwear and pegged it out on the clothesline overnight. It snowed. The blizzard prevented anyone leaving the compounded building for three days. The boys didn't notice anything amiss as they usually put their favourite undies* back on after every bath, laundered or not, so the teenagers' revenge remained undiscovered until the blizzard ceased.
Uther laughed.
The days continued with horse-riding; archery; egg collecting - which both boys hated, the mere thought of shoving their hand under a creature with a sharp beak and sharper temper prompted them to formulate many strategies to get out of that one; fishing - which was so boring they'd spar against each other instead; and the worst job of all:- mucking out the stables!
It was so awful that Arthur offered to give Lancelot 100 pounds and all of his Christmas stocking lollies to do his share, and Lancelot still said no.
"I know! I'll buy you that horse for Christmas!" Arthur exclaimed with enthusiasm, clicking and pointing his finger so close to Lancelot's nose it almost gouged his nostril.
Lancelot was tempted. Lancelot thoroughly enjoyed the horse-riding and his horse was magnificent. On top of that it was one of only a handful of things he turned out to be equally good at, if not better at than his friend. He knew Arthur had enough money to buy the horse without Uther's help. But unless that horse was definitely for sale Lancelot was not scooping one spadeful of poop on Arthur's behalf.
They approached the stablemistress "in regards to purchasing that fine steed my good friend Lancelot has been riding since our arrival." Those were Arthur's exact words. Lancelot was thoroughly impressed. The stablemistress, not so much.
"Knighthood is not for sale."
Arthur may be a spoiled brat at times, but he was a determined spoiled brat.
"That Knighthood should be yours Lancelot, whether you muck out my stable or not. You're my best friend and deserve the best present ever. I'm going to discuss this with Father."
Lancelot hid in his bunk and then in the hayloft because Arthur did not merely 'discuss' with Uther his intention to give Lancelot that horse, more like argued. Uther tried ending the argument by:
"Sorry Lancelot, I tried."
"That's okay. I don't have anywhere to keep him anyway."
"Oh yeah. We didn't think of that. One day I'll buy you a horse, I promise."
Arthur carelessly tosses him a set of keys. "Merry Christmas Lancelot. It's not new and it's from Gwen as well, so don't go saying it's too much."
The way Gwen and Morgana are trying not to grin at each other or Lancelot makes him nervous.
Please don't be a Ferrari, please don't be a Ferrari, please - and I really mean this - don't be a Ferrari!
In the driveway sits a...
* (Arthur's had dragons on them and Lancelot's had griffins)
Fandom: (Modern era) Merlin
day 9
Pairing: Arthur/Gwen
Title: Housemates
rated g
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters a) Morgana would be less evil because she would have copped a decent snog by now, b) Lancelot would have killed Arthur while he slept and taken Gwen with him. No actually, I wouldn't have made that last one happen, but Arthur may have wished I had after all the things I'd make him do with Merlin.
Summary: Continued directly from day 8. Morgana, Arthur, Gwen & Lancelot are sharing a house during their tertiary education. It's their first Christmas as a collective. Who receives the best and worst gifts?
Lancelot
In the driveway sits a Triumph motorcycle.
It isn't a Ferrari and it isn't new.
Lancelot is both relieved and overwhelmed.
"It isn't a horse like I promised. But the logo reminded me of the griffins on your favourite undies and I couldn't resist."
"You told Gwen about the griffin undies? Thanks a lot."
"And me," Morgana puts her hand up with a smugly bright smile. "I bought you this by the way." She clicks her fingers and her current handbag, um boyfriend, comes forward with a box.
Please don't be a lifetime supply of griffin underpants, please don't be a... "Wow, thank you Morgana." He turns the motorcycle helmet around in his hands. The three of them must have been planning this for a while because the helmet perfectly matches the bike. His gifts are so lame. He should have accepted Arthur's or even Morgana's offer to pool resources, wretched pride.
At least he had the sense to let Gwen and Arthur add his name to their gift for Morgana. "She's going to hate it anyway," Arthur insisted. "Much easier to tolerate one rant on how insensitive we all are than two or three."
Morgana
"Mine next!" cries Morgana and the trio of friends follow her inside. "Oh, you can go home now, um..."
"Percival."
"Of course. Off you go now, shoo!" Morgana waves her hands as if chasing pigeons away from a park bench.
"That's a bit harsh Morgana," Gwen scolds gently. "Not very 'goodwill to all men', especially on Christmas."
"Percy won't care about that, he's Jewish."
"Is this the same Percy you went Hebrew for thirteen years ago? And you forgot his name?" Arthur is obviously going to be entirely bothersome about this.
"We've already made plans for New Year's Eve." At least, Morgana thinks those plans include Percy. Perhaps it was Reginald. She really needs to start selecting boyfriends with modern, more memorable names. "Presents! Where are they? Show me the wealth of your love by showering me with shallow trinkets!"
Gwen has been nominated to present the gift. The gift. One gift between three of them. Lancelot pooling his funds she can forgive. Arthur and Gwen do every wretched thing togethersince he and Lancelot returned from Para-uraguay or wherever the hell they were in June. Oh, poor Lancelot.
She is determined to love this present for his sake - unless Arthur chose it of course. Which apparently he did.
"Limited Edition - Bananarama's Greatest Hits? We've lived together for how many years Pendragon and you buy me the greatest hits of the worst girl band in world history?"
"How did you know I picked it?'
"Because you have only given me ONE decent Christmas present and Morgause took it off me because it wasn't yours to give..."
"I didn't know she made it!"
"But this, THIS is the crappiest gift in the history of crappy gifts. Do you know WHY it's a limited edition? Because it's CRAP, Arthur! They only made six because apart from the band members only you and Morgause would buy it!"
"Why would Morgause buy that?"
"Bananarama was her favourite band when we were younger. She's the one obsessed with girl bands!"
"I knew it was one of you witches. Um Gwen, you open yours next. Where did she go?"
Lancelot answers. Morgana knows that unlike Gwen, he enjoys watching Morgana and Arthur argue. His three housemates blame this on the fact that Lancelot grew up without siblings. "She said something about Arthur probably forgetting to turn the oven on, so she thought she'd check."
"I did not forget to ...oh yeah, I did. Roast turkey for breakfast tomorrow then and cheese toasties for tonight."
Morgana and Lancelot exchange a look. It's always cheese toasties, two minute noodles or boiled eggs with toast fingers when it's Arthur's turn to cook since they forbade him from playing the 'let's call in for take-away' card more than once a month.
"Your turn," they say as one and push him onto the couch to open his gifts.
"Ours are shared," the gorgeous gimp points out.
"I'll get her," Morgana volunteers.
Poor Lancelot.
Arthur and Gwen
Their present from Morgana is a matching pair of bath towels with gold crowns embroidered in the corner.
"They're lovely!" Gwen exclaims with a radiantly dimpled smile and throws her arms around her friend.
Arthur turns to Lancelot and pretends to stick his fingers down his throat while the females aren't looking. Lancelot chuckles.
"I saw that," Gwen scolds and Lancelot laughs.
"Does that colour even exist outside the realms of interior decorator hell?" Arthur asks.
"At least Morgana bought a gift one of us appreciates. From now on I buy Morgana's presents, you buy Lancelot's."
"Perhaps if we conferred instead of you saying 'just hurry up and pick something Arthur before Armaggedon comes' it wouldn't have been the disaster it was. You're her best friend."
"You're Morgana's ex-boyfriend, step-brother whatever the hell you are," Lancelot grumbles in Gwen's defence.
"Ha!" Gwen claims victory and flounces off to put their towels in their ensuite after kissing Arthur's pouting lips.
Arthur looks guiltily at Lancelot. All the horses and motorcycles in the world cannot make up for the fact that Arthur will never give his most trusted friend the only thing he wants for Christmas.
He will never give him Guinevere.
Day 8
Pairing: none
Title: Horsing around
rated g
Disclaimer: characters absent without leave (or pay) from BBC
Summary: Morgana, Arthur, Gwen & Lancelot are sharing a house during their tertiary education. It's their first Christmas as a collective. Lancelot is worried about the disparity between the gifts he will be giving and those he will be receiving, especially when he remembers one gift Arthur intended to give his friend.
Lancelot knows his gifts are going to suck the most severely.
Not the ones he receives. With the combined buying power of uber-couple Arthur and Gwen and Morgana's independent wealth he is bound to rake in some serious bounty. What can a first-year motor mechanic and part time Martial Arts instructor provide that lot that they cannot buy themselves? Let's check that list again. Hm - NOTHING.
He hopes Pendragon doesn't go overboard this year, the memory of the Christmas he tried to give Lancelot a horse still fresh in his mind. They were eight and spending the holidays at some rural themed hell hole supposed to teach them character while providing opportunities for wholesome outdoor fun. Ha! It is to laugh.
On their first day Arthur fell off his horse.
Lancelot laughed.
Arthur shoved Lancelot into a pile of fresh manure, so fresh in fact the horse continued producing the stuff directly on top of Lancelot.
Arthur laughed.
Lancelot waited until the next day and shoved Arthur out of the hayloft. Arthur landed on a pair of teenagers getting fresh in the pile of hay below.
Lancelot and Arthur laughed.
The teenagers chased them with pitchforks then stole all their underwear and pegged it out on the clothesline overnight. It snowed. The blizzard prevented anyone leaving the compounded building for three days. The boys didn't notice anything amiss as they usually put their favourite undies* back on after every bath, laundered or not, so the teenagers' revenge remained undiscovered until the blizzard ceased.
Uther laughed.
The days continued with horse-riding; archery; egg collecting - which both boys hated, the mere thought of shoving their hand under a creature with a sharp beak and sharper temper prompted them to formulate many strategies to get out of that one; fishing - which was so boring they'd spar against each other instead; and the worst job of all:- mucking out the stables!
It was so awful that Arthur offered to give Lancelot 100 pounds and all of his Christmas stocking lollies to do his share, and Lancelot still said no.
"I know! I'll buy you that horse for Christmas!" Arthur exclaimed with enthusiasm, clicking and pointing his finger so close to Lancelot's nose it almost gouged his nostril.
Lancelot was tempted. Lancelot thoroughly enjoyed the horse-riding and his horse was magnificent. On top of that it was one of only a handful of things he turned out to be equally good at, if not better at than his friend. He knew Arthur had enough money to buy the horse without Uther's help. But unless that horse was definitely for sale Lancelot was not scooping one spadeful of poop on Arthur's behalf.
They approached the stablemistress "in regards to purchasing that fine steed my good friend Lancelot has been riding since our arrival." Those were Arthur's exact words. Lancelot was thoroughly impressed. The stablemistress, not so much.
"Knighthood is not for sale."
Arthur may be a spoiled brat at times, but he was a determined spoiled brat.
"That Knighthood should be yours Lancelot, whether you muck out my stable or not. You're my best friend and deserve the best present ever. I'm going to discuss this with Father."
Lancelot hid in his bunk and then in the hayloft because Arthur did not merely 'discuss' with Uther his intention to give Lancelot that horse, more like argued. Uther tried ending the argument by:
- confiscating all of Arthur's presents - "I don't care. Those are just things. I have a room full of things. Lancelot needs a horse."
- threatening to take both boys home - "Good, I'm tired of getting pecked by chickens. I'll just go fetch Lancelot's Knighthood."
- threatening to bring Morgause next time instead of Lancelot.
"Sorry Lancelot, I tried."
"That's okay. I don't have anywhere to keep him anyway."
"Oh yeah. We didn't think of that. One day I'll buy you a horse, I promise."
Arthur carelessly tosses him a set of keys. "Merry Christmas Lancelot. It's not new and it's from Gwen as well, so don't go saying it's too much."
The way Gwen and Morgana are trying not to grin at each other or Lancelot makes him nervous.
Please don't be a Ferrari, please don't be a Ferrari, please - and I really mean this - don't be a Ferrari!
In the driveway sits a...
* (Arthur's had dragons on them and Lancelot's had griffins)
Fandom: (Modern era) Merlin
day 9
Pairing: Arthur/Gwen
Title: Housemates
rated g
Disclaimer: If I owned these characters a) Morgana would be less evil because she would have copped a decent snog by now, b) Lancelot would have killed Arthur while he slept and taken Gwen with him. No actually, I wouldn't have made that last one happen, but Arthur may have wished I had after all the things I'd make him do with Merlin.
Summary: Continued directly from day 8. Morgana, Arthur, Gwen & Lancelot are sharing a house during their tertiary education. It's their first Christmas as a collective. Who receives the best and worst gifts?
Lancelot
In the driveway sits a Triumph motorcycle.
It isn't a Ferrari and it isn't new.
Lancelot is both relieved and overwhelmed.
"It isn't a horse like I promised. But the logo reminded me of the griffins on your favourite undies and I couldn't resist."
"You told Gwen about the griffin undies? Thanks a lot."
"And me," Morgana puts her hand up with a smugly bright smile. "I bought you this by the way." She clicks her fingers and her current handbag, um boyfriend, comes forward with a box.
Please don't be a lifetime supply of griffin underpants, please don't be a... "Wow, thank you Morgana." He turns the motorcycle helmet around in his hands. The three of them must have been planning this for a while because the helmet perfectly matches the bike. His gifts are so lame. He should have accepted Arthur's or even Morgana's offer to pool resources, wretched pride.
At least he had the sense to let Gwen and Arthur add his name to their gift for Morgana. "She's going to hate it anyway," Arthur insisted. "Much easier to tolerate one rant on how insensitive we all are than two or three."
Morgana
"Mine next!" cries Morgana and the trio of friends follow her inside. "Oh, you can go home now, um..."
"Percival."
"Of course. Off you go now, shoo!" Morgana waves her hands as if chasing pigeons away from a park bench.
"That's a bit harsh Morgana," Gwen scolds gently. "Not very 'goodwill to all men', especially on Christmas."
"Percy won't care about that, he's Jewish."
"Is this the same Percy you went Hebrew for thirteen years ago? And you forgot his name?" Arthur is obviously going to be entirely bothersome about this.
"We've already made plans for New Year's Eve." At least, Morgana thinks those plans include Percy. Perhaps it was Reginald. She really needs to start selecting boyfriends with modern, more memorable names. "Presents! Where are they? Show me the wealth of your love by showering me with shallow trinkets!"
Gwen has been nominated to present the gift. The gift. One gift between three of them. Lancelot pooling his funds she can forgive. Arthur and Gwen do every wretched thing togethersince he and Lancelot returned from Para-uraguay or wherever the hell they were in June. Oh, poor Lancelot.
She is determined to love this present for his sake - unless Arthur chose it of course. Which apparently he did.
"Limited Edition - Bananarama's Greatest Hits? We've lived together for how many years Pendragon and you buy me the greatest hits of the worst girl band in world history?"
"How did you know I picked it?'
"Because you have only given me ONE decent Christmas present and Morgause took it off me because it wasn't yours to give..."
"I didn't know she made it!"
"But this, THIS is the crappiest gift in the history of crappy gifts. Do you know WHY it's a limited edition? Because it's CRAP, Arthur! They only made six because apart from the band members only you and Morgause would buy it!"
"Why would Morgause buy that?"
"Bananarama was her favourite band when we were younger. She's the one obsessed with girl bands!"
"I knew it was one of you witches. Um Gwen, you open yours next. Where did she go?"
Lancelot answers. Morgana knows that unlike Gwen, he enjoys watching Morgana and Arthur argue. His three housemates blame this on the fact that Lancelot grew up without siblings. "She said something about Arthur probably forgetting to turn the oven on, so she thought she'd check."
"I did not forget to ...oh yeah, I did. Roast turkey for breakfast tomorrow then and cheese toasties for tonight."
Morgana and Lancelot exchange a look. It's always cheese toasties, two minute noodles or boiled eggs with toast fingers when it's Arthur's turn to cook since they forbade him from playing the 'let's call in for take-away' card more than once a month.
"Your turn," they say as one and push him onto the couch to open his gifts.
"Ours are shared," the gorgeous gimp points out.
"I'll get her," Morgana volunteers.
Poor Lancelot.
Arthur and Gwen
Their present from Morgana is a matching pair of bath towels with gold crowns embroidered in the corner.
"They're lovely!" Gwen exclaims with a radiantly dimpled smile and throws her arms around her friend.
Arthur turns to Lancelot and pretends to stick his fingers down his throat while the females aren't looking. Lancelot chuckles.
"I saw that," Gwen scolds and Lancelot laughs.
"Does that colour even exist outside the realms of interior decorator hell?" Arthur asks.
"At least Morgana bought a gift one of us appreciates. From now on I buy Morgana's presents, you buy Lancelot's."
"Perhaps if we conferred instead of you saying 'just hurry up and pick something Arthur before Armaggedon comes' it wouldn't have been the disaster it was. You're her best friend."
"You're Morgana's ex-boyfriend, step-brother whatever the hell you are," Lancelot grumbles in Gwen's defence.
"Ha!" Gwen claims victory and flounces off to put their towels in their ensuite after kissing Arthur's pouting lips.
Arthur looks guiltily at Lancelot. All the horses and motorcycles in the world cannot make up for the fact that Arthur will never give his most trusted friend the only thing he wants for Christmas.
He will never give him Guinevere.