Nov 14, 2009 13:34
I haven't written in here in soo long. No one reads its so i guess this is the perfect outlet..
today i feel like i can't breath. so many worries on my chest.. so many things i cant change that i want to. i moved to georgia thinking it would help me figure things out. in a way it has.. but in a way its made things just that much more confusing. there isn't a day that goes by that i dont miss mark. i want to be over him. i want to be done. its been over 2 years. i lie and say its cool we are good friends.. but it makes me sick to think hes not with me. i want him to be happy, even if that means i'm miserable. i don't think i can be happy without him. i've tried to fill the void but it doesnt work. it always turns out for the worse and then theres another heart thats hurt. i like to sabotage things.. i guess its my little revenge.. i always think its a good idea but it never is.. it just leaves me hurting and that other person hurting.
as of recently i've thrown everything into working out trying to get into the army. i feel like its the only way. i've become so self consious of myself. of everything. from my personality to my height to my weight. i worry constantly of what people think of me. i can say this here because no one will read it.. i'm totally ok with the thought of going overseas and possibly not coming back. doesnt even frighten me. because at least then i know i'll have done something worth while.
some days are so much better than others. today isn't one of them. i just wanna rewind to 2006. i miss my dad, i miss mark, i miss the me that wasn't broken...
how do you get over something like this?
will i ever be ok again?
its been 2 years and i don't feel like it will...
just an update