(no subject)
i had a rough night tonight. i went to a wedding of a friend of mine. it was so beautiful. she was beautiful he was beautiful everything was perfect. all of their family was there. hers from sc and ga his from the bahamas. all of their grandparents were still alive.
that made me so jealous. all during the wedding and the reception was how i am not going ot get to share my wedding day with my granny and papa. when i was little all i ever thought about was all of my family being at my wedding. mainly my grandparents. i never in a millions thought they were going to die. they were invincible.indestructable . everytime i think about them not being here anymore its like someone stabbing me in the heart. my grandmother was such a big part of my life. its like my heart doesn't beat the same way anymore. because a part of it is missing. everyone says losing a loved one is hard and i should know that. i've lost a few. but nothing has ever hurt this bad. i've been crying all night. i just need someone to talk to, and the person i want to talk to is entirely to busy to talk to me.
i hate this. i hate this feelings. my granny was suppose to be here for all the big things in my life. my wedding, when i have babies, but she's not. it hurts so much. i feel like i cant even function right now. my brain is mush. it's a struggle to type. i just want to go to sleep forever...
i want to not be here anymore.
that made me so jealous. all during the wedding and the reception was how i am not going ot get to share my wedding day with my granny and papa. when i was little all i ever thought about was all of my family being at my wedding. mainly my grandparents. i never in a millions thought they were going to die. they were invincible.indestructable . everytime i think about them not being here anymore its like someone stabbing me in the heart. my grandmother was such a big part of my life. its like my heart doesn't beat the same way anymore. because a part of it is missing. everyone says losing a loved one is hard and i should know that. i've lost a few. but nothing has ever hurt this bad. i've been crying all night. i just need someone to talk to, and the person i want to talk to is entirely to busy to talk to me.
i hate this. i hate this feelings. my granny was suppose to be here for all the big things in my life. my wedding, when i have babies, but she's not. it hurts so much. i feel like i cant even function right now. my brain is mush. it's a struggle to type. i just want to go to sleep forever...
i want to not be here anymore.