Holy shit
Well... fuck! I dreamt of work all last night. This is after all the fannish squee, having my doctor's appointment, only working 4 hours yesterday and er... half a Xanax before bed. Shit.
It wasn't all anxiety dreams - only one was like that. In that one, my supervisor stood in my office doorway and said that she'd gotten her butt chewed because some invoices got paid late. She wasn't angry with me, but I felt really bad about it and wondered with vendor it was. Another was me trying to remember who used to do the check runs. Who gives a crap? Wasn't me. The last one is fading now, but it was something about work.
Maybe *that* was my brain unspooling, but dammit, I need that to happen while I'm awake - not while I'm sleeping. I even got up in the middle of the night and read LJ for a while hoping to break that trend, but it didn't work. Thank God they weren't nightmarish in any way. Just mostly stupid stuff, but there are things I'd *much* rather dream about. I actually did a lot of non-work stuff yesterday, but perhaps I just tried to force my brain away from work without giving it a chance to process the work stuff. I dunno.
I think I'll make another trip to the metaphysical store today. The problem is, I know the right way to help my brain change tracks, but it takes time I don't have. Meditation or simply giving my brain a goodly amount of time without asking anything of it. Asking it to shift tracks quickly without some kind of help is stripping my brain gears. Not asking it to shift at all is causing it to give me dreams of work.
Maybe there's some incense I can burn, a candle I can light or somesuch that can speed and ease the process. Maybe I'll see Cute Pagan Guy when I'm there. That's a bright spot.
The good news is that I figured out that I've only got 4 weeks until I go on vacation. Just one month. Of course, I've got two ficathon stories due, but... hey. I *need* to do that.
Okay, time to get some coffee.
It wasn't all anxiety dreams - only one was like that. In that one, my supervisor stood in my office doorway and said that she'd gotten her butt chewed because some invoices got paid late. She wasn't angry with me, but I felt really bad about it and wondered with vendor it was. Another was me trying to remember who used to do the check runs. Who gives a crap? Wasn't me. The last one is fading now, but it was something about work.
Maybe *that* was my brain unspooling, but dammit, I need that to happen while I'm awake - not while I'm sleeping. I even got up in the middle of the night and read LJ for a while hoping to break that trend, but it didn't work. Thank God they weren't nightmarish in any way. Just mostly stupid stuff, but there are things I'd *much* rather dream about. I actually did a lot of non-work stuff yesterday, but perhaps I just tried to force my brain away from work without giving it a chance to process the work stuff. I dunno.
I think I'll make another trip to the metaphysical store today. The problem is, I know the right way to help my brain change tracks, but it takes time I don't have. Meditation or simply giving my brain a goodly amount of time without asking anything of it. Asking it to shift tracks quickly without some kind of help is stripping my brain gears. Not asking it to shift at all is causing it to give me dreams of work.
Maybe there's some incense I can burn, a candle I can light or somesuch that can speed and ease the process. Maybe I'll see Cute Pagan Guy when I'm there. That's a bright spot.
The good news is that I figured out that I've only got 4 weeks until I go on vacation. Just one month. Of course, I've got two ficathon stories due, but... hey. I *need* to do that.
Okay, time to get some coffee.