As if I needed anything more to deal with...
My fucking cat (the SMART one, mind you) decided it was a good idea to go out my living room window. He jumped off the tiny overhang there, and landed on the second story ledge. I heard meowing from outside that was distinctly recognizable as his, so I looked out the window. Low and behold, there he is looking up at me with a scared expression. I ran downstairs and I asked my neighbors if I can reach out their window to grab him, and they claimed that they cannot open the windows. Thus starts my quest for someone with a ladder. Meanwhile, idiot cat over here is meowing his head off because he does not know what the hell to do. None of my damn neighbors are answering their doors and I am getting desperate. I finally spot a van on Anderson that has several ladders on top of it, so I walk over and ask the three people out front of the house if said van belongs to any of them. They seem really wary, and finally one woman admits in a really haughty voice that it belongs to someone doing work for her. I tell her the situation and say that I am hoping to borrow one of those ladders for a few moments. She finally lets on that she had her own on the side of the house, and that I can use it instead. Great...only it's one of those you have to lean on the side of the house, and I can already see it's not tall enough. But I hope for the best, and after all, it is better than nothing, which is what I currently have. Meanwhile, none of them offer to help me carry it, and they look at me suspiciously while asking me how far I have to go. I tell them only a couple houses down on the next street, so they allow me to take it. When I finally get the damn thing to my house, I can plainly see it is about three feet too short. I have to balance it on one of the pillars of the house, hoping to god it doesn't fall over while I am on it. So I get up to where my hand can reach the top of the ledge, and Greebo starts to come over. He inches close and closer...and then finally he's close enough, so I grab him...only to come away with a handful of collar. This obviously scares him, so now he hovers around the second story windows, meowing, and rubbing on the window ledges, all the while kneading the tiles like an idiot. So now I can't get to him. Finally this guy about my age walks up the street and asks if I would like him to hold the ladder for me. Thank god! I tell him I have to go inside to get food in order to lure Greebo down, so the guy waits patiently for me, making a call on his cell phone in the meantime. I run up the stairs, and promptly back down again with a bowl full of food in my hand. Suddenly Guy says "Look, he's at the edge right now!" Of course he is! Because I am not up on the ladder trying to grab him, see. Heaven forbid the damn cat listens to me for once in his life! Anyway, I climb back up the ladder with Guy holding it tightly the whole time. I get up there and plop down the bowl. Greebo looks up from in front of the windows. I have definitely piqued his interest, and his greedy self has never been able to resist food of any sort, so he ambles over, albeit a little cautiously. He looks hungrily at the bowl, and eyes how close it is to the ledge. Closer...closer...got you! I grab the skin around his neck. He freaks out, and grasps desperately at the overhang, claws gripping the wood like razors. I finally get him into my arms, and he grips my shoulder as though I actually might drop him. (Give me a break! All this effort just to drop- and potentially harm him??!) Then comes the effort of climbing back down the rickety ladder with my arms full of cat and food bowl. I finally get down, and thank Guy profusely. I get Greebo upstairs, and cart the ladder back to its owner's house. No one is standing outside when I get there, so I leave it against the side of the house where I found it. (For someone who was so wary of my taking her personal ladder, I am surprised to find she abandoned ship so shortly after I took the damn thing.) I walk back to my house and run up the stairs, sufficiently sweaty and worn out. Alas, I sit down at the computer, and continue the conversation I was having with a friend before this mess happened. Only, what do I see? Greebo sitting in the same fucking window he crawled out of, looking forlornly outside. Brilliant.