Prepare myself for a war...
Christmas is emanating from everything, everywhere. So why am I not in the Christmas spirit?
Started reading Catcher in the Rye. I have a feeling I am just going to fly through this book. Laura E. lent me the book like, 2 years ago, give or take. Finally getting around to it, yep. I want to go back to reading it now.
I looove having off of school like this. That ice was horrendous outside, anyway. Plus I need the extra time to study for my American Studies test (which I still haven't really done...)
Everybody was freaking out over this English essay we had to write over the weekend, including myself. So far as to have calls from both Laura C and Sheila, and then more questions and such online. I finished mine last night, and to be quite honest, although I bullshitted my way through most of it, it sounds pretty good. I chose this idea that peace and war were connected to summer and winter, like a nature influence. I'm probably the only one that really did that, because everyone else was talking about peace and war as far as the war, or Finny, or Gene, or their relationship. The most apparent things in the novel.
Nothing has been going on in the past couple days that have really been noteworthy.
I talked to Amy today. The first time in...well...a long time. She and Chris broke up last weekend, and she hasn't been open to many people lately (it was last weekend, right? I don't remember now). I was pretty pissed at her for awhile, to be honest, because she says sorry for not talking because she was so consumed in Chris, and she's been brushing her friends off and all -- then she goes on about her old ways, still with Chris. Like she apologizes, but it meant nothing. So I was just thinking you know, fuck it. I don't care about her and Chris.
Nonetheless, I go and talk to her about it. She's Miss Negativity about it, which is to be expected. We all think/know they're going to get back together, she just shows absolutely NO optimism. I go and explain things to her, and tell her "how it is". And then she tells me that she knows I am just telling her the truth, but all it does it hurt her more.
So there's another thing -- don't talk to me without wanting to hear the truth of the situation. I don't like to sugarcoat it for people, because then they'll expect whatever, then be let down. But to be honest, most of what I said was just like - you're going to get back together, even if he doesn't show it he still cares, don't talk about the future things that *might* or might NOT happen with him, etc.
So I guess I am just some difficult person to deal with. Not only with her, with everybody. It seems nobody really wants to deal with me. Which is perfectly fine with me -- I wouldn't deal with MYSELF, either. I just don't ever know what I want from a relationship with people, or something like that. And I am CONTENTIOUS, so I am told. I don't sit there and take everything that is fed to me. If I don't agree, or you know, I have something to say, I'm going to say it.
I've been thinking that maybe lately friends and such should just take a look at their stance with me. There are all of those people that say "Oh you're such a great friend, I'll always love ya lalalalalalala" but it's like...seriously think about what you say to me, and how you FEEL about me. I want people to be sure they want me in their lives, because I feel that my attitude and my opinions are just a fucking burden on people. Some people call me a friend, but what am I really? I think people need to re-examine the relationship I have with them, and decide whether or not they really want to bother with me. It's not meant to sound so negative, I really mean it.
Damien Rice is sooo good. yummy. "Prague" is such a song. I love his little screaming bit. mmmmmmmm yeah.
Started reading Catcher in the Rye. I have a feeling I am just going to fly through this book. Laura E. lent me the book like, 2 years ago, give or take. Finally getting around to it, yep. I want to go back to reading it now.
I looove having off of school like this. That ice was horrendous outside, anyway. Plus I need the extra time to study for my American Studies test (which I still haven't really done...)
Everybody was freaking out over this English essay we had to write over the weekend, including myself. So far as to have calls from both Laura C and Sheila, and then more questions and such online. I finished mine last night, and to be quite honest, although I bullshitted my way through most of it, it sounds pretty good. I chose this idea that peace and war were connected to summer and winter, like a nature influence. I'm probably the only one that really did that, because everyone else was talking about peace and war as far as the war, or Finny, or Gene, or their relationship. The most apparent things in the novel.
Nothing has been going on in the past couple days that have really been noteworthy.
I talked to Amy today. The first time in...well...a long time. She and Chris broke up last weekend, and she hasn't been open to many people lately (it was last weekend, right? I don't remember now). I was pretty pissed at her for awhile, to be honest, because she says sorry for not talking because she was so consumed in Chris, and she's been brushing her friends off and all -- then she goes on about her old ways, still with Chris. Like she apologizes, but it meant nothing. So I was just thinking you know, fuck it. I don't care about her and Chris.
Nonetheless, I go and talk to her about it. She's Miss Negativity about it, which is to be expected. We all think/know they're going to get back together, she just shows absolutely NO optimism. I go and explain things to her, and tell her "how it is". And then she tells me that she knows I am just telling her the truth, but all it does it hurt her more.
So there's another thing -- don't talk to me without wanting to hear the truth of the situation. I don't like to sugarcoat it for people, because then they'll expect whatever, then be let down. But to be honest, most of what I said was just like - you're going to get back together, even if he doesn't show it he still cares, don't talk about the future things that *might* or might NOT happen with him, etc.
So I guess I am just some difficult person to deal with. Not only with her, with everybody. It seems nobody really wants to deal with me. Which is perfectly fine with me -- I wouldn't deal with MYSELF, either. I just don't ever know what I want from a relationship with people, or something like that. And I am CONTENTIOUS, so I am told. I don't sit there and take everything that is fed to me. If I don't agree, or you know, I have something to say, I'm going to say it.
I've been thinking that maybe lately friends and such should just take a look at their stance with me. There are all of those people that say "Oh you're such a great friend, I'll always love ya lalalalalalala" but it's like...seriously think about what you say to me, and how you FEEL about me. I want people to be sure they want me in their lives, because I feel that my attitude and my opinions are just a fucking burden on people. Some people call me a friend, but what am I really? I think people need to re-examine the relationship I have with them, and decide whether or not they really want to bother with me. It's not meant to sound so negative, I really mean it.
Damien Rice is sooo good. yummy. "Prague" is such a song. I love his little screaming bit. mmmmmmmm yeah.