TWW FIC: When I'm Worn and Find You Waiting

[shutterbug_12]

Title: When I'm Worn and Find You Waiting
Author: shutterbug_12
Characters: Josh/Amy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Only borrowing. Make love, not lawsuits.
Summary: "You're--a tease. You're mean, you know that?"
Author's Note: Please read my thoughts about cross-posting found in my profile. Approximate timeline: Stirred (3.17) - Enemies Foreign and Domestic (3.

Comments

[magisterequitum]

Very nice.

I like the imagery of the third paragraph. And the overall feeling of the entire piece. This makes me want to pull out the DVDs and watch them.

(There are some longer sentences that could have maybe been cut down, but other than it's really well done.)

[shutterbug_12]

Thank you! <3 I appreciate that. =)

(Please tell me which ones. I have lots of time to take another look at them before I post to the comms. I didn't get a beta on it, since I finished it late last night, so anything you can suggest would be great.)

[magisterequitum]

It really was lovely. And I forgot to say that the dialogue felt so realistic for them.

(As for the sentences: Your first two paragraphs are made up of really long sentences. It's a bit word-y if you read it out loud. I don't think you need all of the descriptions that you have in there. Or breaking them into shorter sentences would make it easier to read and to track with your eyes. Just a thought. It's totally up to you.)

[shutterbug_12]

I made some changes. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it. =) And thanks again, for the other nice things. Hee. <3

[magisterequitum]

Yes! That's perfect.

No problem. I'm always happy to give if wanted. :)

And the nice things are just because you're story is great. ;) <3

[shutterbug_12]

Aw, yay! Glad they work better. You were absolutely right about the sentences. <3 I gave you beta credit. <333

[magisterequitum]

<3333 back at you.