♣ 002
I guess I'm going to be random here. First of all, I'd like to share one of my favorite songs~
In general, I really love Celtic inspired music. It's not very easy to obtain music like this in Japan, but online stores are quite convenient. And, I happen to like Nordic inspired music as well, as grandmother (maternal side) was from Sweden. Not that I've ever been there, but I know a word or two. ^.^ (For which I'm very grateful to both grandmother and ABBA. ^.^) Grandmother has this LP record with a lot of ABBA songs, classical ones, but in Swedish. Like Waterloo and such.
Speaking of ABBA and Sweden... I love musicals. I always have, probably always will. One of my most favorite musical songs is Pity the Child from Chess. And the Swedish version of that song is quite chilling, because the actor is beyond awesome, really.
I really love my grandmother. She's very intelligent and have almost the same sense of humor that I do, and she likes pretty much the same kind of movies that I do as well. I remember when I was fourteen and I came over to her and grandfather's place. We made ourselves some cinnamon rolls and a big pitcher of hot cocoa, and then we simply curled up in their sofa and watched the Shining. It was neat. ^.^ Sadly, I can't visit her anymore; when grandfather died two years ago - he fell down a ladder when tending to the satellite dish on their home and broke his neck - she decided to move back to Sweden. She's currently cooped up somewhere in their old home deep in the woods somewhere. ^.^;; (She has Twitter though, how cool is that? So I still talk with her almost every day... It's just not the same.)
I'm trying to come to a decision during Silver Week. It's either now or never, I guess. Need to find my direction. I read in Chitose-kun's journal that he's going to more or less say 'screw college'. Part of me is really hoping I can do the same. But at the same time... I discussed this with Tezuka, but... What if I make plans for joining the entertainment industry and then find out that it will bore me once I've turned my hobby into my profession? What then? What if I won't have a solid education to fall back on...? But still, four or more years of my parents'... heartfelt suggestions... regarding my future? I don't know if I could stomach that.
And on that note, I guess it's time to hit the books. ^^;;
[[PRIVATE]]
Seriously though, I don't know how much more of this I can stomach. I have to get out of this house, somehow. Don't know if I could handle living alone, because that would mean I'd have to get a part time job, and I really don't want that. It's not like I can access the money on my closed account; that's not gonna happen before I turn twenty. I really wish time would move faster. Dad's... frightening. And it's two and a half year before I turn twenty. I really wish grandmother was here, then I'd ask to move in with her. She'd understand; she never really approved of dad anyway. I've been trying to write down what I want with my life, but so far, it's not working. I hate that, I really hate feeling so... out of tune with myself.
I really have to break up with Ichinose. And I know what my heart wants, and if he realize that before I break up with him... No.
I really miss Eiji. I try not to be jealous of all the time he spends with Oishi, because it's quite understandable. If I really loved Ichinose and felt comfortable spending a lot of time with him, I guess that wouldn't be the case, but as it is... Well. We're not even in the same class, and with the tennis season being over, we really don't see each other all that much. I really don't want to be that clingy best friend who feels like his BFF dumped him or whatever, but, yeah.
I seriously need to get a grip.
Click to viewIn general, I really love Celtic inspired music. It's not very easy to obtain music like this in Japan, but online stores are quite convenient. And, I happen to like Nordic inspired music as well, as grandmother (maternal side) was from Sweden. Not that I've ever been there, but I know a word or two. ^.^ (For which I'm very grateful to both grandmother and ABBA. ^.^) Grandmother has this LP record with a lot of ABBA songs, classical ones, but in Swedish. Like Waterloo and such.
Speaking of ABBA and Sweden... I love musicals. I always have, probably always will. One of my most favorite musical songs is Pity the Child from Chess. And the Swedish version of that song is quite chilling, because the actor is beyond awesome, really.
I really love my grandmother. She's very intelligent and have almost the same sense of humor that I do, and she likes pretty much the same kind of movies that I do as well. I remember when I was fourteen and I came over to her and grandfather's place. We made ourselves some cinnamon rolls and a big pitcher of hot cocoa, and then we simply curled up in their sofa and watched the Shining. It was neat. ^.^ Sadly, I can't visit her anymore; when grandfather died two years ago - he fell down a ladder when tending to the satellite dish on their home and broke his neck - she decided to move back to Sweden. She's currently cooped up somewhere in their old home deep in the woods somewhere. ^.^;; (She has Twitter though, how cool is that? So I still talk with her almost every day... It's just not the same.)
I'm trying to come to a decision during Silver Week. It's either now or never, I guess. Need to find my direction. I read in Chitose-kun's journal that he's going to more or less say 'screw college'. Part of me is really hoping I can do the same. But at the same time... I discussed this with Tezuka, but... What if I make plans for joining the entertainment industry and then find out that it will bore me once I've turned my hobby into my profession? What then? What if I won't have a solid education to fall back on...? But still, four or more years of my parents'... heartfelt suggestions... regarding my future? I don't know if I could stomach that.
And on that note, I guess it's time to hit the books. ^^;;
[[PRIVATE]]
Seriously though, I don't know how much more of this I can stomach. I have to get out of this house, somehow. Don't know if I could handle living alone, because that would mean I'd have to get a part time job, and I really don't want that. It's not like I can access the money on my closed account; that's not gonna happen before I turn twenty. I really wish time would move faster. Dad's... frightening. And it's two and a half year before I turn twenty. I really wish grandmother was here, then I'd ask to move in with her. She'd understand; she never really approved of dad anyway. I've been trying to write down what I want with my life, but so far, it's not working. I hate that, I really hate feeling so... out of tune with myself.
I really have to break up with Ichinose. And I know what my heart wants, and if he realize that before I break up with him... No.
I really miss Eiji. I try not to be jealous of all the time he spends with Oishi, because it's quite understandable. If I really loved Ichinose and felt comfortable spending a lot of time with him, I guess that wouldn't be the case, but as it is... Well. We're not even in the same class, and with the tennis season being over, we really don't see each other all that much. I really don't want to be that clingy best friend who feels like his BFF dumped him or whatever, but, yeah.
I seriously need to get a grip.